lama aku tak menulis. maybe all dis while, aku rasa aku ok. dat is - i hav not much of shyte in me, or perhaps - i do, but i managed well. or maybe - i am too lazy to pen down shyte well. but lately, i think i've been bottled too much. i started to lose sleep as well - i crashed early, and woke up at the mid of the nite, staring into the darkness.
jst like coupla years back. i seriously dun wanna be there, again.
perhaps - one of the thg dat bother me, is dis. Sister Zuraini Abdullah, our Nursing Clinical Instructor involved in an MVA last Friday. i was on leave when i get struck by the news. i was in shock. i remember has a plain chit chat wit her last Thursday, she was havin OSCE back then. she cracked a joke, and as usual - i burst laugh out loud. she was a simple lady, very kind, a nice motherly figure.
she suffered multiple facial bone fracture, base of skull fracture. she suffered of cerebral edema. Bp on and off low, pupils 3mm sluggish. i knw, deep inside - it wasnt good.
and yesterday, she passed away. jst like dat.
and the reaction from the rest of the ppl she knew - was expected. ppl copy paste 'takziah' and posted 'al Fatihah' pics, from others. the words r all the same. i feel bad for her, i feel sad. seriously u dun hav to say a fuckin word, if u dun want to. i knw, at least u bother. but then again - did u do dat jst bcoz everybody is doin it? while u dgaf? and hari ni, everybdy goes like nthg happened. no kutipan no nthg. no words from ur bigshots, nthg.
u jst lost a fren, smlm God sake.
maybe i am too emotional about the whole shyte. but dis is not the first time. ramai yg dah pencen, masuk wad, fmly passed away etc - i am facing the same reaction. kosong. nthg. wat is wrong wit us? wheres the empathy? ur tryin so hard in showin some sympathy, while u knw it is so freakin cheap and mean nthg. i dun wanna be next, seriously. kalo Allah takdirkan aku jatuh sakit, atau meninggal dunia - i dun wanna be in here, at where i am now. tak pa lah kalo semua org tak tau pun, aku tak kisah. cukup lah kalo fmly aku tau, mak dan adik2 aku tau. coz i knw the reaction wld be genuine.
semoga Allah menempatkan arwah bersama mereka yg beriman, beramal soleh, bersama para kekasih Allah Taala hendaknya. semoga Allah mengampun segala dosa, salah silap arwah, dan menjauhkan dr segala fitnah kubur, serta fitnah api neraka. semoga syurga menjadi tempat kekal arwah, insyaAllah.
nevertheless, i had a good weekend. Soleh buat kenduri doa selamat dan aqiqah for his son - Muhammad Abid Umar, he's 1 yr and 3 mths now. at least, dat kept me busy, and occupied.