i din get much sleep lately. and so last nite. i crashed pretty early and woke up by 3am - and i knew it's gonna be disastrous. the feelin u had at dat particular time, forcing urself to get back to sleep coz u dun wanna be in between the darkness and the cold silence around u - its torturing. but i gez i jst hav to deal wit it. and i knw i am gonna be jst fine. dis, it come and go.
and so does thgs in life, i gez.
went for a breakfast wit Ajak. been a while. we both were bz wit own thgs, i hardly see him in the ofc as well. he jst had another baby gal, coupla weeks back. i heard thg or two about him as well, and he has been texting me now and then. why? same shyte. politics at work, work, life and such.
met him waktu masuk keje, and aku terus ajak kuar teman aku mkn. and he went like. "layak ke aku ni Shah, kuar dgn ko..". same fucking shyte. and same old him. we had a long conversation. serious lama aku tak kuar mkn dgn Ajak. he sometimes can be a lil negative wit thgs around him. i dun knw, i wasnt in his shoes pun. i am sure if i were him, i mght be ended up being the same. so when he started to grow such negativism in him, aku dah jarang2 kuar dgn dia. its not dat i dun want to, jst dat i believe i need more positivism in life - u knw wat i mean.
so i jst listen. and enjoyed my food. jst like wat i did to Hafiz smlm. sit, and listen. i din talk much, i jst giv him some space to talk. i knew he got loads in him to vent. and yes - same shyte. jst dat it's getting worst. and havin dat old knew-nthg big boss doesnt help much.
i pray he'll be better wit time. i wish i'd understand him way better, and can do somethg to help. but i jst dun knw how. we r livin in the surrounding where ppl r full of insecurities, uncertainty and ppl tend to stab u at the back, while they r smiling at u.
driving back to ofc, i had dis tot. u knw, u've been listenin to others - their shyte and such. and u started to wonder who wld listen to u then? ur shyte and such. i hav so much in my head and i jst dun knw how and whom shld i spill it out to.
i ran, today. fueled wit anger, frustration and hatred in me - i had a good one. shldve done it better than jst dis. best part of stuffing ur ears wit musics and kept movin while ur head all over places, i had a nice run. it doesnt help me wit shyte in the head, but i feel good.
i hope i'll hav a good crash tonite. dat i need not to wake up at the mid of the nite, and wondering wat to do.