Wednesday, April 15, 2015


aku rindu abah sgt2 lately. been thinkin of him like most of the time. aku remember most of the thgs he said to me - rite up until the day he was admitted and i took coupla weeks off jst to take care of him. i remember the way he looked at me - rite into me - those blank stares haunting me. not dat i am scared or sthg - but i'm missin it so much - theres no words to tell u how it feels.

aku shldve been way better then i was, when he was around. i sldve been spending more time wit him. i shldve try way harder to get close to him - and tell him everyday dat he means a lot to me. dat i love him so much, dat no matter how and wat he did or said - i knew it was for betterment. at least for wat i am now. i shldve told him dat i am proud to be his son. and i love him so much. so much dat i regret i din tell him dat before. i got so many thgs to tell. so many thgs to share. i need to ask u thgs as well. and i need to knw ur point of view - as a father to a son - in so many thgs. i wish we cld talk a lot to each other. i miss ur jokes. i miss ur silly jokes - dast each time u cracked one, u'd be the first to laugh. and we all will do too, tho we knw it wasnt funny tho. i miss dat feelin in me. God, i miss em all. 

i miss u dad.

u shld knw dat each time i teach - i'd use ur role model in me as an example. i am proud of u. i am proud the way u raised us up - and be wat we r now. theres nthg wrong wit u. and if there shld be anythg wrong - it is us. and do knw dat each time i mentioned about u in the class - i'll hav dis lump stuck in my throat and i'll stop for a moment - lookin around for some strength to move on. it is not dat easy, i am tellin u. 

and dats wat exactly happened to me, dis morn.

along rindu abah. along shldve call u a lot. and talk to u. and spend more time wit u. along shldve call and talk to u - instead each time i called home and u picked - i'd go searchin for points and finally asked for mum, leavin u wit questions to ask me - along sihat? belajar mcmana? keje ok? and all i askin for was - abah, bley along ckp dgn mak? i knew it hurts u. i really do knw dat. but silly me for i did nthg on it. 

along mintak maaf. along syg abah.


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