atop my mind - there is nthg i can think about more other than my life, my choice. yes. i knw. at my age, i am still considering about choices. yes. wat is wrong wit dat? nthg, rite?
i knw i come off as boring to some ppl, but dis is wat dis is. deep down ere, i am truly troubled by my so-called downhill performance and degrading ability to focus to wat i want.
a few days back, a fren asked me is i were given a choice to go back and choose sthg other than wat i am doin now - wat wld it be. i answered the same ol'shyte. clinical work. patients. my passion. perhaps sthg art. or maybe writing. but we both knw if both of us ever got chance to re-elect our options, we both wld choose the same thg. the same f*cked up, twisted way. no -dun get me wrong. i love wat i am doin now - sharing knwledge, nurturing the new generations et al. but the politics suck big time. and i feel like givin up.
i might sound poyo or gampang on dis one but believe me when i say for a person like me - gettin into wat i am doin now is like givin all ur life to it. by like me, i mean no other cushions i can fallback; no rich family, no trust funds, no other woww qualifications. not a fcukin zip. its been hell years of hell and it feels like a lifetime of probation.
the problem is not wanting not enuff, but wanting too much dat when a thg comes out, it breaks easily. a guitar string - wld break if overstretched.
the problem is not wanting not enough, but wanting too much that when a thing comes out, it breaks easily.
sigh. wat a tot.