i cld die as a happy man, wit dis.
wat makes u happy, really? some other ppl? u urself? tell me. i wanna knw.
frankly speakin - its subjective. its how u see thgs. and its wat u want in life, seriously. how u see urself, and the world ur living in. some ppl they need all the big thgs in life to make em happy. some of us cling on others - how others treat us, wat others thnk of us - to make ur day better. and some of us appreciate everythg thg - every lil thgs around us, coz they believe those r thgs u can hang on to - to make us happy.
as for me - i used to cling on others, so dat i'll be happy. i believe the more expensive, the better looks, the more good words ppl showered u wit - the happier i'd be.
and i gez i am moving away from dat, gladly. bit by bit. i knw how hard it is clinging on someone, hoping for others to make u happy. sometime it happens. but most of the time it crushed u like hell. i knw how all those beautiful thgs, expensive thgs put u at the top of the world (and thus make u happy), but it wont last long. definitely. and i knw, too - how all those beautiful words showered on u every now and then (let alone how sincere it is - dats sthg else).. those r just words. words can come easy. and words sometime mean nthg at all. wait till ur no one, and no one will put all those beautiful words on u - anymore.
they even forget about ur existence, God sake.
thus i started to believe in all those small, petty thgs dat makes u happy. all those unrecognised, left alone thgs around u, in fornt of u and u never address em properly. a jar of Nutella wld me happy (i knw - someone said to me 'ur so cheap Shah! a Nutella?'). peanut butter. beautiful smiles around u. a nice, warm greetings starting ur day. simple text messages, even replyin to ur earlier text pun tak pe. a simple short calls - asking 'how ru' sort of thag. a bright day - so u can run u shyte out. or every single thgs made easy by Allah Taala. ur works ended up well. went to work while ur hating it - knwing others wldnt get the chance doin thgs ur doin. and a lot more.
i found ease and calm in em all. its all about thgs and u, urself. its about all those simple, petty thgs. y bother expecting others or all those big thgs to make u happy, while u can do it urself? for eg; smile to others and greet em well - and by receiving the same - wldnt dat makes u feel better? i gez i can giv u tonnes of examples, if u want to. thgs dat u knew it urself, but perhaps - u never address em well. u knw wat i mean.
btw, marking dat start dis morning. awal2 pg lagik aku dah kelam kabut dgn arrangement taklimat for the markers. Me Cheah awal pg dah smpai. Mr Hari and Puan Aini my TP(P&K) awal2 pg dah non-stop telefom aku tnya dis and dat. and thus - aku berlari2 anak mcm tak cukup lantai..
and now baru aku dpt some time to sit down and easy my heals. seriously aku rasa nak tido je.. sigh.
and assignments? duh.