one of the many great thgs of failure in dat u dun hav xpctation burdened on ur broad and fat shoulder (dat is mine). instead, the only person dat excptation u shld hav is urself and knwg dat u can do it and has to do it for urself and not for any other reason, is worthless.
seriously, how far can one goes wit arse kicked by someone else's feet before they finally decice dat it doesnt feels so good to be pushed around like dat. and if u do s'thg for the sake of havin s'one gives a big, bloody pat on ur bloody back, will, at some point, be useless.
the only feel dat deserved to kick ur smelly arse and the only pat dat is worth to be proud of, is urs. there is no emotion beats satisfaction of makin urself, urself proud. owh it is so totally understandable when ur mom asked u to scrap the dried leaves off ur yard, and u do it anyway, but wit a fit of a scorned 5yo ignored of Barbie doll request and series of undertone murmur; yes, dat is acceptable. sape tak pernah acted like dat? or ko nak mengaku ko tak pernah? tak pyh nak mohong. coz i did.
of my journey in life so far, i've learnt not to be pushed or expect a reply in every nice thgs i do. altho some do doubted me, after all; i am not the best person around, i mean - hey, dis dun compare to best stndt, best athletem articulate speaker, great writer lah. i am sloppy second, i am the last person to be chosen in gym class (if any in M'sia). i am practically nbdy.
but i am ok wit dat.
the only ticket dat bought my way all dis while (and i hope is still valid) is my emphaty, and altho it is hard to believe - and sincerity.
how is dis about me?
i've met many ppl dat is practically mammal-chameleon. they look so beautiful on the outside, but if u look closer - there r spots of blacheads and scars. mind u - itu metafora. ko jgn fikir aku serious. ye, aku serious. and dat is a metaphor. i mean, some ppl can go out on a limb to be liked, charming and appealing; altho some of us go out of the line to be called ganas, brutal or urban, anyway; it all pretentious. how cliche does dat sound? it is. i knw.
i dun think i hav to tell about all these kinda ppl to u. u've met em everyday, hell; they r probably next to u. i mean, kalo ko malas nak look around - look into urself. and maybe u'll find somethg. i mean, literally. but how to deal wit dis kinda ever growing populated ppl?
well, like any other cases, i usually jst deal wit the shytes, go wit the flow and see how far they can hold it together. i hate em jst as much, but not as much as dat bronze colored hair, ugly puckered shyte-face of a guy dat broke my fragile, vulnerable lil kinda heart. ok. muntah now.
back to the first paragraph - did i actually was about to write failure? LOLs. look how far i've strayed off. derailed. u got wat i wanted to say, aye? basically, i was talking bout ppl yg soooo pretentious, u knw, and hate it so much for it, but i hav to shut my pie hole. and dis is a polite, civilized way of doin dat. am i high? meroyan since tak cukup tdo? well, high wit hatred. dat is.
damn. i gotta learn to be more forward, duncha think?
btw - nama aku naik, again. to go and teach there in Seremban. nak. or tak nak? dats the q's.