becoz i am so bz, dats y i am writin in here.
i read an article in a womanly mag., the kinda mag dat put 10 ways of knowing ur boyfrens cheating and another 5 ways of lookin glam in a prom onto their cover. and usually these kinda mags hav a very good and useful articles (as mentioned above). and in my defence, men do love to take a sneek or a peek into their gf's Cleo or stop at new-stands and pretend to read today's paper headlines meanwhile sneakin into Cosmo girl middle page spread. u did dat all the time, i knw. jst dun giv me dat bloody look on ur face, pls.
back to the point. the article was about keepin healthy r'ship. tips cld be practised to hav a perfectly good f'ship wit new ppl. details i dun remember much, as the writer (probably a gal) put too much of ramblings and unnecessary rantings into the articles. bet she had her time of the month at the time time the article is written. eh? however i do remember a point, dat is not to lose ur frens of 5 yrs. for example.
i found many new ppl, most of em i cant even stand a breathe the same air wit. annoyin irritatin disgustin pigs (babi, fyi) and arseholes. and selfish. and cannot be trusted. i mean - bukan semua larr.. a few. u knew for about a yr yet they played wit ur feelings like u've been frens for a lifetime.
i've regretted the time i used to spend wit certain frens altho i hav to say i enjoyed spendin time wit, but the betrayal is overbearing. when u continuously keep ur fren secrets and listen to their problems - but u keep hold on to urself not to giv out the ugly truth dat surely, wld hurt em. when u knw they r wrong yet u blindly support em. ppl talkin behind their back in front of u and u cant say anythg jst b'coz wat they r all sayin is true. when u always be reduced to urself bein slumped b'coz u feel bad ur other frens hate ur new fren.
dammit, dat - i can bear.
but one thg i cant accept is the betrayal of trust. trust is gained, not asked for. and when the trust u've put on one person u knw cannot be trusted yet u believe there is a soft spot for in em, for u - and then it went jst as u feared it wld. u said to urself 'i told u!'. dat 3 words every i-told-u person hated the most - b'coz it contemplate the trust and hope once u had, and it bears the truth.
and wit my old frens, these thgs happened once here and there, but the pain is less, and the wound is shallow. jst b'coz they've been wit u for the past few yrs and it stays. ko panggil la aku botak ke, pendek ke, gemuk ke, hitam ke.. or apa2 lah, aku bley telan. frens r for keep r these kinda frens. u beat em, u mock em, u bully em yet u stay frens. u can be honest w/o askin judgemental eyes ogling u. u hurt em, they hurt u, but u knw ur too close bonded to stay mad. dat the kinda frens for yrs, endured.
i considered myself as a good fren. i hav yr back (ehem!) either ur crystal clear wrong or rite. b'coz i believe mistakes cld only be learned if u do mistakes. not if ppl told u the mistakes. be careful the plate is hot, ppl said - yet u had burnt ur fingers and curse urself for bein damn silly. experience is sthg worth no penny but it cost u memory of a lifetime dat wld serve u alrite.
u'll be married, u'll hav many kids and grow older wit ur beloved wife - but nthg cld replace ur frens. ur real frens, dat is.
but - bad frens do exist. the kinda frens dat hate to see u happy, jump on happy track to see u suffer, the parasites, worms and bacteria. the ones talk dirty shytes behind ur back, run when ur in deep hot soup, smashed u in public and xpct u to go laughin. frens dat dun even allow u to hav ur own points of views. u'll hav ur fun but it wont last long.
so when someday - i live enuff to say everythg grows around me - one of the essential thgs i wld teach the younger generations is, to learn to be aone and to depend on emselves more than others. like how papas mamas told their kids, but kids do mistakes all the time.
trust me - we all do.