Monday, May 26, 2014

life. as it is.

seriously its been ages since aku last do dis. and seriously, aku tak sempat. i mean - as usual - so many thgs happened, but it jst i cldnt find the rite time, the rite moment to share thgs wit u ppl.

*share thgs wit u ppl*  katanya. sudeh!

i've been bz. yes, seriously. very very bz. kena lantik as SUP time2 bdk btol2 nak exam final and such. time aku seriously otak kosong tak tau mender. or perhaps, i knew a bit. tp aku cldnt careless. since aku tak berminat. aku've been offered wit such jwtan for like 3 times alrdy - tp aku tolak mentah2. alasan - aku tak suka Excel. aku bosan ngadap all the numerical crazy arsehole yg bley buat aku sawan wit bubbles out of my mouth. since aku tak suka buat benda2 yg bukan clinical (mcm katanya Hamid. heh!). since aku tgk all the SUPS keje mcm nak mamps, 8 to 5 and then balik hotel pun kena smbg eh keje.. bley?

but dis time around - aku've been called by Mr B - he told me 'kita tadak calon yg lbey layak'.. 'ko je yg senior..' (ok. ayat) and 'its about time for u to do somethg new - and lil bit extra..' (since semua org bley jdi Ketua Program.. and semua org can teach.. tp tak semua layak jadi SUP). and i was like, crying.

crying? ok. over. the fact is - aku nanes since tak mampu lagi dah nak ngelak and say 'NO' to the bosses, dammit.

all dis while - aku tgk ex- SUP; Mr Ismail like so so cool. mcm tadak pe2. and thus, aku asked him such. pe rahsia utk kekal chanteque w'pun ko kerja under pressure mcm nak mamps? pe rahsia u stay cool, w'pun kerja bertimbun2 tak cukup 2 tgn? or ru sure ko btol2 kerja, since all dis while - ko nampak super-rileks.. mcm tak kerja? (aku tak tnya sotlan last ni pun. ko nak mampus?)

and gez wats the answer? Mr Ismail jst looked at me mcm diva sket, and slow2 dia senyum. 'mcm tu lah Shah.. ko nak mcmana lagik?'. fcuk. suspen dowh, jenuh aku nunggu jwpan. itu je dia jwp. serious Cadbury.

and today - after like a month aku tunggang langgang wit life, keje, SUP, exams, study aku, asgments aku et al - aku bley dtg ofc and a bit rileks. skang tunggu results perbentangan para Pengarah, and thus aku bley release the budak2 ni nyer results. and serious aku tensi bebudak2 neh dok call, msg, WhatsApp, Viber etc tnya results bila keluar. 'sir, bila results nak kuar?, 'sir, results release at 10 dis morning eh?', 'sir!! results??', and paling geram terus call, tak bgtau saper aper jadah, terus like 'sir, hows my results?'. haaaa.. mmg tak larrr.. bola tanggung nak kena maki, ye. excited gile bdk2 neh. 

tak sbr nak repeat kot? 

but the fact is - skang turn aku plak yg kechut prots. next week end, aku plak yg exam. 3 papers on coming weekend. pe pun tak tak baca lagik. ada yg siap blum download and print notes pun lagik. caneh?

but then again - i feel good. it really works when u able to see thgs positively. and u treat thgs, and all the susah payah as somethg new, and u'll eager to learn more. i used to hate dis for God sake, but now - i gez i am ok. all the busy-ness really occupied my time, and i am good wit it. i believe in Existential Theory. and Existential believes dat life will be OK when u knw wat u want in life, and wats ur t/jwb to work on - while ur alive. i never feel so ambitious like dis before. and positive, seriously. i learnt a lot of new thgs, and i am glad.

and today - aku rasa a bit empty since i had nthg much to do. sedih kan?

hahaha.. ok lah. maybe i shld jst enjoy dis for a lil while. before aku back on track and get myself bz.

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