sometimes, when i took a step back and see the whole pic of my life so far - i feel lost. i keep askin myself the same question - wat happened. when did the thgs go wrong. where all the thgs i used to love and adore, go? i did the same thg wit my blog - where dis blog goes, which direction do i take. i wonder y i sounded so different writing ere than i do if u meet me. i am a loud guy. shy but when u get to knw me well, thgs will get better. i am not dat pathetic. i am dat kinda guy u see at the cashier's line in Tesco wit others and giggle away. u'd be annoyed. owh, aku lupa. a liar, and hypocrite as well. sigh.
i am the biggest reader of my blog. its a memoir. bits of me left in ere, dat sooner or later i will pick it up and reminisce. as for me - its a beautiful concept, like how our parents used to ha diaries (pretty sure my mak abah did not.. but lets imagine ours had). their old, silly crushes, heartbreakin moment. diaries r vintage and u knw all thgs vintage r goods. wit a pretty big exceptional of the 80's (mullets, leather pants, cropped shirt). i promise myself many thgs but very few i accomplished. like how i tell myself anf few of my best frens to lose weight. dis was more than a yr ago and look now it resulted. ok, nothg change for God sake. but i am not givin up. hell i am far from it, i am too tough of a cookie to giv it up to the big hand.
u knw - i can blabbed away like dis for hrs, and it will be ridiculous.
but ok, take a step back - and see the big frame. seriously, when u feel bad, do dis. look at the bigger pic and u see dat its not dat big of a problem ur havin. dats is my way of seein positivity, bein a blind optimistic. been yrs, and i hav to say i am quite satisfied wit wat i hav become. ofkoz la, sometimes it took ages to see thgs dat way.. but i knw it worth tryin.
frens? i got many loves from ppl around me, be it close or not. as long as theres love in my world it will go round.
enemies? abundant enuff to say dat i am proud dat i think i made the right enemy, the wrong ppl dat shld be put aside or be throw into a big garbage disposal of a-holes and d-bags.
ambition - i am working on it. i still hav thgs to catch before i close my eyes. a hard one, forget the bumps and holes and gaps and valley - i'l jump cross the obstacles and never turning back.
see, the big picture isnt bad at all.
but like Monalisa, it is divine to look at, precious to be appreciated, but no one knws wat hides behind her smile. or Da Vinci's, except u dun hav to be hanging in the most beautiful boredom all the time and faces attempted theft every single day.
being gloomy is fine. so does being happy. a lil bit of both, wit a sense of rational - will giv u a good live. love urself to love others, and if u cant - stop tryin.
will write more trow. or perhaps mlm ni. or anytime aku tak bley tido. its raining heavily, and aku feel so damn hungry. the bag is already there atas katil - tp sumpah aku mls nak kemas and such.
but deep down - i jst cant wait to head home. here, i hav nthg left.