Sunday, March 30, 2014

reasonable wtf.










come. lemme picit ur..
nvm.






aku dah menaip mcm gampang tadik, tp last2 handphone aku buat hal. dah la tulis mcm curahkan kasih syg melimpah limpah tak tertadah dek jug, apatah lagi dgn tgn. menaipdlm English kot! bengong btol. sket lagik nak 'publish', tiber2 dia kuar dr app. since battery dah critical nak mampos. mcm cipet. dammit.


so utk memudahkan aku menaip lps aku dah spent all my tots and ideas kat entry di handphone yg dah kong bateri nya tu - aku bukak jugak la lappy neh. memandangkan aku tgh ada mood utk menggerakkan segala lumbricals, digitorum profundus and digitorum superficialis utk menaip. pfft. tak perlu kot bgtau semua jenis muscle tu. saje je. ala2 mcm aku ingat segala bagai, walhal tak. karang korang tnya pastu aku jwb i am very sure. ceharom.


'reasonable' is a word dat i've crossed a lot of time. first hearing it when aku in Standard 6. dlm peperiksaan akhir tahun - aku ingat lagi the part where u shld choose which item or gadget u prefer. the cheapest bag?the most expensive bag? neither both of em. if u wanted to buy the expensive, u shld write like dis..


'i like dis bag even its expensive becoz the price is reasonable'.


sgt hadek2 nye ayat. mcm gampang pun ada. yes, wat a fag - i din knw thw word properly yet i used em like its a great efffin word. sungguh memalukan. aku nak cuba selitkan perkataan 'reasonable' dgn mood aku neh. hayati, pls. hahahaha. bodo lah.


aku ada masalah besar when it comes to anger management. w'pun aku sendiri dok ajar stdnt2 tua aku dis Anger Management, tp time kena btg idung sendiri - aku fail. aku ingat dulu adik aku pernah buat lahanat (i mean - tak la lahanat mana, time budak2.. biasa lah). so abah aku rotan dia. omg. seronok giler aku tgk. erm, yes. aku tau. i shldnt pun. tp dah dia nakal, saper suruh? obviously. unless i am at the other end lah.. which was not. lps tgk benda tu, aku swear aku'l be better than my dad. i didnt say my dad was an arse, pls dun get me wrong. his teaching is the best - thus wat i am now. and i cld say it kinda worked on me yg keras kepala and nakal neh. but i knew how bad it looked when he was in THE mood. takut, siak.


tp ntah la - semenjak dua menjak ni aku jadi mcm over sket. oversensitive. senang marah. benda2 kecik kot. aku rasa mcm amarah tu dha tak bley nak bendung lagik dah. frustrated i am. org kata physical activity can help - so aku pun gigih pi lari berkilo2 meter.. ok la kejap, tp ada trigger.. aku sawan balik. aku tak tau  nak ckp mcmana, aku marah dgn diri sendiri. rasa marah yg over. melampau. rasa nak koyak bukak je hati aku neh, then kikis sel2 marah aku tu. then masuk oven. kasik panggang. or goreng ke. haih.


byk benda yg buat aku bengang dis whole week. aku rasa stupid kdg2, since aku jrg marah2 mcm ni. nak kata periet, tak jugak. last aku check - aku still laki2. so periet jadah. and kdg2 the word 'cigarette' dah mula popped into my mind. crap. seriously. rasa mcm nak smoke. sumpah dah lama aku berenti. fyi, aku dah develop rasa benci dgn rokok. bau tgn busuk. mulut pun busuk. bibir hitam. hilang seksi. bukannya best sgt pun. heh. anyway - aku gila tiber2 rayau dlm 7E nampak rokok and gedik rasa nak beli. last2 aku kuar 7E pi mamak lepak2 smbil sumpah seranah diri sendiri. and mkn. mkn. gemuk la aku siot.


tup tup aku dah ok. aku tak tau knp lah aku perlu sensitif sgt dgn benda2 yg aku used to be cool je. dulu pervious incident pun mcm ni, tak aku cool. sumpah aku cool. tp skang dah mcm tahi. how fcuk is dat? heh.


the sec million dollar q is am fcukin reasonable after all the shouting, cursing and gigit bibir tahan marah? or genggam2 tgn tunggu ur fist melayang to muka hazab dpn ko? or am i jst a plain fcuker? dammit, shyte i gez i knew the answer all along.


haih.







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