Wednesday, January 1, 2014

shake me up.

the first day of the year, the first breakfast, first bath, first selfie, first entry, first.. shut up, will u?

i need a lil shake up, now. and i think i need a lil bump in the road, right now - to wake me up. at least. i am numb, for months now. and i certainly dun like dis. and my life - is a straight line of emotion, feelin and situation. and endless plateau of bloody eternity, and yes - it was pretty redundant puttin endless and eternity in the same freakin sentences, but dat jst to show how boring and 'purposeless' my life is, right now.

and if u think my life so fcukin wonderful, colourful - dude, u gotta think twice.

i dun knw y. its not like i had it easy so far, no it is not. i mean, 2013 was a pretty rough year for me.. no, pretty colourful world. dats the word. colourful. all sorts of literal and metaphorical colours. i told u once and i am not goin to tell u again. and if i were given a choice, i prefer not to even talk about it pun.. haih. in 2013, ppl were good. and ppl were bad. or in other word - ppl r ppl. ppl come and ppl go. ppl claimed they sucha good fren, but how good is good - remains a mystery. in 2013, all sorts of hell let loose, and stress piling up in times, a lil bumps, a lil excitement, a lil sadness. 

a small portion of everythg.

2013 entered wit a pretty good start and ended up in the most boring way. 2013 was like a TV series, started very good in the beginnin of the season, and bow out sombre and dull. many plot holes, redundant plot lines, lame catchphrases and all. u knw how it is. as of my life - 2013 ended sombre and dull. scarred by many losing battles. olden by world's tyranny. old and tired and full of bulshyte.

2014 kicks off. dat sentence died there. hahaha.. it kicked off the way it supposed to. nthg special, nthg celebrate. it wasnt the end of anythg and it wasnt the start of sthg. its not like i entered 2014 wit a clean slate of everythg. i came in wit a big pile of yesterday, and so y am i supposed to be celebrating? sigh.

along the years advancing adulthood, there is always one thg dat is constant in my life. and i can always depend on dis one particular person to not let me down, even when i felt at the lowest point of my life. my faith.. in myself. i believe dat my body and soul is divided into several companies of each own purposes. 

i am my biggest enemy. and i am my closest fren.

in 2014 - i hope for great thgs. i hope 2014 cld at least be kind to me. i am scared to look back, for 2013 - i am not sure how to put thgs into word, respectively. and actually i am scared to ask fro more. i knw i am not deserving, but i want a new turn in my life. i wanna be out of dis cocoon. i wanna be as a good person as abah wld always wanted me to be. i want sthg dat is truly my passion. and ya Allah, pls gather me enuff courage to do so. please.. please..





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