Thursday, January 16, 2014

al fatihah - Siti Nailah Abdul Razak.

i i lost my fren yesterday. i lost Siti Nailah Abdul Razak yesterday - and shes my fren. she mght not be dat close to me - but then - she's a fren of mine. and she left us for good, yesterday morning.

i was done wit class by 10am - and havin my break kat meja aku, when aku heard Kak Ina HEP was walking around doin some collection. aku malas nak amek port sgt - there r a lot of collection done everynow and then kat ofc aku neh. she came to my desk aku said, 'Shah, derma ikhlas - Siti nailah dah meninggal pagi tadi..'. i was shocked. i was left wit no words. serious - aku tak tau how to react. all aku remember was - aku picked up the phone, called Mr Bong. he told me to cancelled all the classes, and ikut dia tu Slim River A&E, for the body was still there.

aku rushed to the class, broke the news. stdnts went tergamam. and aku left em as it is. Ajak called, asking me to go there dgn dia. and off i went - drive on my own wit Ajak and Azhar. upon arriving at the mortuary - shes was still there, lying motionlessly. i cld see few ppl mourning, keeping thgs to themselves. and i managed to meet his husband.

and her 11 mths old lil gal. sigh.

done wit all, we made a move. aku tak dpt follow others off to Kuala Ketil, since dia akan dikebumikan di sana. otw back, Ajak and Azhar alrdy off sleepin. and me - being me - i had my thinking all over the place. i am still shock. aku baru je jmpak dia last Saturday. she was on kerusi roda, since somethg went wrong wit her knee. she told me dis terpelecok or somethg time keluar kereta, and hurt her knee. and dat wasnt the first time. she was ok. like she used to be. simple, reserved, tak byk ckp. she told me she'll be on MC for 2 weeks. i told her to hav a good rest, and back to work cepat2.. and dat was it.

and as usual - when i started to hav all dis sort of questions in mind - i'll be in deep shyte. the thg will go on intrusively bothering me and it'll leave me suffocate. i feel like heading str8 home, but i knw it wldnt be good. so aku pi jgk gym - run a bit for an hr, and off home. bdk2 gym ajak me join em lifting some wts., i told em i dun feel like to. reached home - aku off under the shower, Maghrib, had my lite dinner, and spent some time in front of the idiotbox. 

i literally sit there, eyes on the idiotbox, while again - my mind was all over the place. and i kept jumping from a channel to another.

i finally drowned myself in bed, wit thgs in my head. i knw i cant definitely, and it is. there r so many questions in my head - the why, the how. shes still young. and shes a nice gal. ppl kept telling me all the nice ppl shall leave us early. and am i not dat good enuff? at least Siti Nailah is alrdy 'there'. wat about me? i saw her coupla days back, and now shes alrdy not around - anymore. so sudden. tiber2. cld dat happen to me as well? i was ere now - i mght be somewhere else nanti? and how its gonna be for me? Siti Nailah - after post mortem, the COD was Pulmonary Embolism. somethg yg sgt2 rare. somethg yg u cant xpct it happening to ur own fren. and lead to death.

al fatihah buat Siti Nailah. aku doakan rohnya dirahmati Allah Taala. moga juga ditempatkan bersama semua para ambi'a, di sisi Allah Taala hendaknya. dan moga Allah mempermudahkan segalanya, mengampun dosa salah silap arwah mahunya. 

i feel numb dis morn. aku hav class at 1am rite till 1pm - tukar dgn Ramesh. and ptg, i am leaving back to kampung. 

i need somethg and someone - dat i can ease my mind.

al fatihah..

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