Salam. Its Tuesday, 30/7/2013 - bersamaan 21 Ramadhan.
Dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak sekali-kali akan melambatkan kematian seseorang (atau sesuatu yang bernyawa) apabila sampai ajalnya dan Allah Amat Mendalam PengetahuanNya mengenai segala yang kamu kerjakan. (Al Munafiqun, Ayat 11)
Tot of doin dis trow morn, but since i cant sleep still - i think i'd better off doin so. keep in in me wldnt be good, for venting dis all out - sometimes, it helps.
its been a long day for me, in fact. i woke up at 3am wit the tot of abah - its been a year now - i sat by the edge of the bed for a while and off sahur. waiting for Subuh - browsed thru my hp, i was shocked lookin at Soleh's nye komen on my abah's pic posted, previously. aku rushed down, called mak - and its confirmed - pak teh dah meninggal dunia kat ICU Hospital Taiping, around 4am. aku terduduk for a while. no wonder i felt so uneasy. i cant sleep. beside of the tot of abah marching up my head - i had a load of others as well; including pak teh.
finally, after like 5 days in ICU - pak teh gav up. he was diagnosed as Severe Septicemia Secondary to Ischioanal Abscess. mak din plan to let me knw coz she knew i mght be bz. but it aint rite if i did nthg about it - so aku made coupla calls to the bosses - and aku off to Bagan Serai around 7am. abg cik and fmly also otw, plus Soleh as well. except for kak yang - she's way down below.
according to mak, pak teh (mak's 2nd brother) nak di kebumikan di Bagan Serai, dekat dgn abah kalo dia meninggal dunia. and i knw mak worked all out hard to get it done - w'pun byk suara2 menentang ckp mak nak over-rule watever not. and i knw - mak did the best for pak teh - her own brother.
frankly speakin, i dun keen of pak teh. and his whole fmly. since i was small. i remember wat they did to mak, and how mak suffered all dis while. but when i grow up - i started to let go. perhaps the whole thgs r between pak teh, mak and the rest of pak cik mak cik sebelah mak - and it aint got nothg to do wit me. no matter wat dat is - pak teh tetap pak cik aku, abg kpd mak aku. he and his fmly je yg dekat to us - yg lain2, kalo ko tak dak harta, forget it. w'pun kdg2 aku geram dgn pak teh - tp aku tak pernah kurang ajar to him. i shld thanked to mak abah then - dats wat they both taught us.
last 2 weeks pak teh and Sakinah her daughter dtg rumah mak, ajak aku and Soleh teman dorang pi bincang ttg catering kenduri Sakinah on December nanti. aku mls, tp mak mintak tlg sgt - so aku jst go. and last week, tiber2 mak called ckp pak teh dlm ICU. aku rushed back, and spent sometime wit mak and adik2 tgk2 pak teh. pak teh ttp pak cik aku. and pg ni.. pak teh left us all.
Allahyarham Sharuddin Mohd Rejab.
and at least harapan pak teh termakbul. pak teh was there selang satu kubur dgn abah. w'pun along the life, pak teh selalu berlainan pendapat dgn abah, tp aku tau - pak teh syg dan hormatkan abah. i jst knw. mak? she looked so calm, tho i caught her coupla times wit tears running down her cheeks. mak kept telling me dat 'mak tak dak apa2..', which i do really hope she is ok. she's strong, i knw. but then again - only the stronger will face dis well - mak kehilangan abah thn lps, and today - his own brother.
and hari jgak - genap sethn abah tinggal kami. 10 Ramadhan thn lepas, at dis particular date. aku still feel like it was yesterday. i still feel the numb, the hole in me. the struggle - dat i jst cant show it out to mak or adik2 aku - for i knw they need me to be strong, for em all to stay strong. and it hurts me so much i dun hav words to tell.
pak teh dah kembali ke rahmatullah. dan Allah takdirkan abah dkt dgn dgn pak teh, pergi tinggalkan kami pd tarikh yg sama. bulan yg sama - di bulan yg Ramadhan yg mulia. along doakan abah dan pak teh di tempatkan bersama meraka yg beriman, bertaqwa dan beramal soleh, dan mereka2 yg mendapat syafaat serta kasih dan syg Nya. along doakan abah dan pak teh di jauhkan siksaan api neraka, fitnah kubur dan dipermudahkan segala-galanya, insyaAllah. sebyk mana pun kami syg kan abah dan pak teh - Allah lagi syg kan abah. dan pak teh juga.
ameen ya rabb.
and i wonder how its like for me. when. and such.