aku Jumaat di Masjid Batu 8 ari ni. a bit jauh dr rumah - but its alrite lah. aku basically free today. lagipun Masjid Batu 8 besar, selesa. plus selalunya seblm Jumaat akan ada kuliah ugama, since aku smpai awal - aku jst duduk and dengar je kuliah dis ustaz on 'maaf memaafi' or somethg like dat. kinda good, lama jgk since aku tak dtg dis masjid.
gym by 5pm. since stdnts tadak - i had the whole floor to myself. and Miss Chuan dtg sekejap, kayuh2 static bike wit phone in her hand - jerit2 talking to me wit the music playin out loud. aku jst 'owh', 'yes', 'ye lah' w/o knowing the real thang shes talking about. one thg about me - kalo kat gym - u need not to break the ice watever not, coz i kinda not liking it. its my time, and the time is short - its not like aku hav the whole day at the gym. i need to sweat out, and dats about it. 30mins later, she left - and aku left alone.
aku jst jst lari on the treadmill, for like an hr and sit up sket. lately ni bdn aku mmg dah naik. tensen seh. tgk2 gmbr lama dulu - aku tau aku mmg kurus mcm malnutrisi. i dun wanna be dat kerempeng pun. and i dun wanna be dis fat either. er, maybe 'fat' is to harsh. i dun wanna be dis big. sigh. sound proper, eh?
darn its the same.
i gez i need some motivation. i've been using all sort of apps on the phone, went thru Kevin Zahri's manual etc, yet no changes. and seeing other coming up wit all kinda new image - i feel like killing myself. heh. aku tak nak la bdn berketul2 kot. aku jst nak a proper weight for my height ni je. yg tak brp nak tinggi neh. and a bit tone plus a bit of shape. dats all. and the problem wit me now is - mkn. aku pyh sgt nak control mkn. and to be frank - aku tak la mkn mcm kuda pun. aku stick to minimum 3x sehari. tp tatau la.. so frustrating.
if u do wat i am doin for life now - as a pengajar, in medicine plak - i think u'd agree wit me. talk about role modelling. and such. i believe dat i need to look good. look good not in the sense of good lookin, tp look good, sharp and healthy. aku refused to be like others yg talk about healthy life-style, all sort of diseases while u urself - stdnts r makin jokes on u since there ur standing in front of em all, wit perut jauh ke depan, havin all kinda diseases in ur pocket - and ur lecturing about how to be healthy, how to prevent diseases and such. adoi. so tak btol.
7pm aku dah kat rumah - sweating like a pig. mandi, solat, lite dinner, solat again - and now ere i am.
i knw sehari dua neh byk entries. i knw i used to say dat kalo byk entries - dat means aku serabut and need to vent out badly. and if i went mum for ages - and dat wld be somethg else. aku cuti dis whole week. masuk ofc sekejap2 je. aku spent a lot of time at home - do thgs i love of doin, thgs i did not manage to do while i am working. gardening, reading, and writing. maybe i had too many thgs in mind, nothg in particular pun. or maybe - since i had all the free time in the world - and mind starts to wander all over - and i vent out.
trust me - when i sit down and read all the entries - again - some of em dun really make sense pun, but who cares? maybe u shld not, coz i dun either.
u see - even now dat i am writing dis - i still hav thgs in mind dat i think i shld send dis first, and start writing again. sigh. but then again - udah2 la kot. esok2 plak.
see the botak head at the back?
seriously - dat is my head. hahaha
the fat me.