i think one of the hardest thg in life is havin to live wit yr decision. i hate to decide. and i hate decisions. and bad decisions mostly -but sometimes good thgs isnt permanent - there will always be "dis" and "dat" keeps u contented.
regret is somethg comes rarely and not frequent to me. but sometimes they do. they will always do. and sometimes i want em to but it never came. and i often thinkin - where did i go wrong? wat the hell is wrong wit me? and all the thgs around me? how can i do somethg bad w/o feelin remorse or regret? darn i wanna feel regret. i wanna feel bad.
but i jst cant.
in the brave one, its like when u do somethg wrong and "y my hands r not tremblin? y i dun feel guilty?".
bravery? or foolishness?
i had a good time today. last day PTM. i wanted to write more about the event, the stdnts dat love and many more - but it din come out rite. and i jst cant. i feel numb. i feel. damn i am not sure of wat i am feelin now, seriously. i wanted to feel sad. i gez i am kinda sad for all of em r leavin me behind, real soon. i wanted to feel good - but i can find any reason y shld i - i am lacking in so many ways. i dun consider myself successful in 'molding' any of em. after all, i am only hav 3yrs wit all of em.
but one thg i am sure - i learnt a lot thru out the process, wit K28. surely hell, a lot. starting wit 100 sthg, and now left 87 of em. i wanted to feel proud, but i dun knw if i shld.
long journey trow, i wanted to crash early like, rite now - darn i jst cant. my head is marching all over places wit so many thgs in it - i wish i cld jst shut it down, for a while.