Wednesday, December 25, 2013

and my core is too..

sometimes, we forgot how strong we r. mankind r incredible, magnificent race. we r from million yrs of evolution and revolution - we r consisted of the perfect combination of brute strength and wisdom. we hav seen how we conquered the world, displaced other species and races in the process, jst becoz we can. yes. jst becoz we can. as a species, we r much up there. we hav system, viable, understandable system - unlike any other knwn creature. of coz - we hav seen stupidity prevails in lines of human heritage - but at the end of the day, we hold on ne principle in which we silently agreed upon - the fittest will survive, and the weakest will get behind and left to fend for emselves. i knw, dats hurt. but then, dats the way it is.

as a social animals, we need each other to grow and expand, in most magical way.

to be honest - i hav never really been tested. i mean - perhaps i've been thru all shitty thang, but i knw theres a lot of worst thgs out there, happened to someone else. some famous overwritten quote i've seen in so many articles is a virtue never tested is no virtue at all. i agreed, bcoz we never knw sthg until it come along - incldng ourselves. u dun knw how wld u do when ur breakin wit a beloved person, or thgs, or animals. u never knw how it is until u lost someone mean a lot to u. or when facing wit a tuff choice which require ur full selves. but then again - each of us hav our own limit. it mght be mind is more than somebdy else. i mght prevail and all intact in stressful and breaking situation - u mght not. u maybe cld run for miles in the face of danger - but i certainly wld giv up and let watever thg chases us devour me, or surprisingly; i'd turn into a green-eyes monster and push u sideways for me to be able to run myself.

dammit. we dun really knw.

i am jst sayin - dat there is a lot of thgs happened to me. thgs i dun xpct, less ready to accept. thgs i've realised dat before dis i've been disillusioned by some veil, i cant see. i see Karma rolling its wheel, i see Qada' and Qadar in the picture puttin the pieces to my fate and i see myself in the mid of dis chaotic organization.

i am jst ere to rationalize. i dun mean to wallow in misery, the "damn my life's hard", "my suffering art greater than thee, thou art miniscule.." kinda bulshyte. its jst dat - i see road ahead of me and i see em for far and bleak. i cant see anythg possible. like in a Mario world - an evil stupid tortoise come out of nowhere and i can step on it for it to go away. darn, i wish i cld do dat. jst dat. step on it for it to go away. ok, maybe it is wrong to based my whole life on a level of some friggin stupid game and crazy Italian plumber.

maybe, i suffered from watching too much movies and listenin to too much mellow songs. Tom Hansen of 500 Days of Summer suffered the same thang. i've been watchin all kinda movies since i was small. all kinda genre, languages, period and color. unlike some of my peers; i valued movies and good songs in the core. in broke tear in so many movies (so wat?), some din really make sense. i cried to songs before, many many times. 

maybe my core is too soft.

i xpct too much, and if there is one thg we all wld love to believe in - is one happy ending. less than dat is a build up, a climax, a crisis and a resolution. which wld make a very good movie. we believe in happy ending. we believe in the soundtrack of our lives, we r taught to felt dis way when certain thg happened. we had our songs for every situations, even the awkward one. we believe - like a movie plot; happiness is one click away, one tower away, one block of apartment away, one prison cell away.

we believe dat there is, somewhere rite now - is working to get out stories rite, back in pace. which in y i hate when the protagonist dies.

bcoz - in dat millisec of shock and surprise - i realised - the reality is much, much worse.. and i am living in it. sigh.


hav a great day ahead peeps, and a happy holiday.

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