Tuesday, October 29, 2013

shut the pffttt up.

can i jst ask all the skinny ladies (in here, alrite) to pls shut the fcuk up bein fat? for the love of God, jst shut up. i dun want u to commiserate wit me, at all.

u cant jst gather up wit few others old ladies at my place and talked about bulshyte on how fat ur, and how good from Herbalife to Shaklee wld help. as if.

i see ur probably in a smaller/smallest size and really u jst dun wanna listen to ur horror weight story, or see ur headin bobbing in agreement wit me on anythg weight related. and if ur fishing for some attention, or affirmation of ur tininess - it aint gonna happen. so jst move ur itty bitty self, along.

not sure wat i am talking about? well ere is a list of shyte i heard a lot, and i dun wanna hear;

  1. dat u need to join me in the gym and work out - even if its for health reasons - jst shhh.. really.
  2. dat ur favorite clothes r gettin tite - seriously idiot, shove it.
  3. u love eating veggies! or fruits! nay over cheese! and humus dat shyte is awesome! - no. jst no.
  4. dat u used to be a size 0 but hav really packed on the kilos and now r tippin the scales at larger sizes. zip gal. zip. it.
  5. ever since the birth of ur last child, 10 yrs ago - u hav been strugglin to lose those last 5  kilos - unless u want to add a zero behind dat 5, dun even think of opening ur mouth. unless u open up ur bloody mouth for ur Lecithin of Shaklee.
  6. u pine for ur favorite ice cream, pizza, or my daily dose of karipap. tiap2 pagi ko tnya 'Shah ko beli apa for bekpes.. eh, sedap nye karipap ko beli..'. i dun care, u cld eat a gallon of ice cream and it wld make no difference.
  7. u drink tea tarik kurang manis (for 3 times a day) to save the calories - dis makes no sense to me at all, i cant even compute it.
  8. when u identify some mythical large part of ur body when i am discussin my growing chest - ur arms/thighs/tummy/eye lids/feet/wrists r all rail think, so bite me.
  9. stop doin the lean in confide thg where u whisper some atrocity u indulged in and tell me how bad u feel about it. chances r - i've eaten the same thang in multiples recently - dammit ur not making e feel any better.
  10. stop patting ur belly as if we r some how on the same team - shyt we r not - if u lost a kilo u wld only hav 1 boob. trust me.

u knw wat us men want u to do - we want u to jst shut the fcuk up. or better yet, we wld love for u to jst get up and walkaway when we r talkin about body weight. fake a washroom trip, feign a call from ur child, jst come up wit sthg dat makes us dislike u lil less then we do at dis exact moment.

we, i mean - i will fo back to lovin u in a couple mins., but rite now - i dun wanna see u - at all. jst get the hell outta my face. 

like, NOW.

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