sometimes i hav unreasonable xpctations for myself. i dun allow myself not to be perfect and happy every sec of every day. do u ever feel dat way? do u beat urself up and tell ur bloody self its not good enuff?
we often find ourselves apologizing for bein upset when we had every right to be. we make excuses like, 'dammit i am in a mood' or 'the news is all bad' or watever we need to say to explain the fact dat we r simply havin a shyte-ty day.
the self-loathing is a habit. and not a very pleasant one. its so ingrained in some of us dat we do it w/o even realizing it. our fmly and frens sometimes quick to accuse us of bein a bitch or hormonal or overly sensitive.
but the fact is - sometimes we jst dun feel like bein comedians or court jesters. we dun feel like painting on a smile and pretending we r not miserable bitch even tho we hav no reason to be.
and dats how i felt for dis coupla days. and it sucked.
i spoke wit a dear fren on the phone yesterday. she is so kind. she regularly reminds me dat i am jst doin fine. she likes me the way i am.
even when i am not loving myself so much.
Doc Phil - ru bein a good fren to urself? *krik krik krik*
so instead of deleting coupla Tweets i wrote for the past coupla days dat clearly demonstrated my level of stinkin thinkin, i decided to giv myself a break for a change. i hav no right to blame other ppl for it, and instead of blaming myself as well - i am givin myself, a break.
i decided to giv myself permission to hav a bad day. or bad days. becoz we all hav em. i dun hav to explain myself or make excuses or finger-pointin, or chalk it up as an 'issue' of mine. i am allowed to hav a bad day. w/o apologies.
and so r u. as long as we promise each other to keep tryin to turn em around trow.