Saturday, June 15, 2013


aku was doin nthg when i came across these pics in my phone. they hit me hard, and i am suddenly find myself had a teary eyes. talked to mak smlm - and she's doin ok. she asked me bila nak balik kg, and i told her i will, real soon. i wish i cld drive straight up and see mak - and clear up all the mess in me; but i cant. wit the thang i am in now - i dun think i can.

and aku think of abah as well. esok Hari Bapa. we usued to call abah like every year - w/o a miss, berebut2 to be the first to wish him so. and most of the time Soleh will always be the first, and aku second. abg cik - semua org tau, we need to remind him everythang. abah wld go like, 'hari ni je hari abah? ingat abah hari ni je ke?' and giggled away. and most of us, will lost words and finally found ourselves talking to mak. but abah - he never took it seriously. he knew we love him. and we care. jst dat - dats the way we communicate. and mak plays an important role between us.

semlm - w'pun aku tak sihat and such - aku gigih jugak ikut kwn2 ofis ke Padang Rengas, since ex-boss aku (Puan Rosnah - she's retired) finally meninggal dunia after struggling wit his prostate cancer, for about a year. he went thru a lot - the surgical procedure,  chemo and such - but finally he gave up since ada fistula and theres nthg much the docs can do. he left Puan  Rosnah behind, wit no kid. aku remember tryin to console Puan Rosnah so hard, since shes cryin - and how i wish i cld be strong. at least he went off peacefully. he ended up all the misery and struggling in dis world, and let go. us? aku? i dun knw how. where and when. and such. 

there r so many thgs in mind now. i've transferred my case from Png to HUKM for the tot of it'd make thgs easier, and i promise i wont be doin some escapade anymore. but now, it doesnt matter. aku dah malas nak fikir. lantak lah.

the fact is - life's like dat. u do shyte once, it'll stay forever there. ppl will remember for shyte u did. and the fact is - nbdy in dis world, wld love to see u happy - except for ur fmly, and mak abah. nbdy. they may say so, but deep in, the action and such - is completely, utterly contradict. i am sorry. i mght be wrong. but i knw how it is.

but its ok. its a learning process. life is a learning process. and i keep remind myself - dat life, too - is a karma. karma had no menu. but it serves u, wit wat u deserve. i'll hav mind. and so do others. 

hav a nice weekend, folks.

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