i spent the whole nite in my studying room, reading and do a bit of dis and dat. it was kinda same sleepless nite, but i gez i am ok. i am used to it, and theres no much ado about it pun. i mean - i did closed my eyes for about an hr or two -- but the rest of it, left dis tingling, numb kinda headache alrite.
4hrs of teaching by the sun goes up, and tonnes to be done. jst nice aye? and not to mention shytes in my head, thank you.
and today - wld be my last classes wit Psy Nursing PostBsc - on Socialogy - Social Deviance/Social Change. semlm - i had a good time wit em all on Socialization. i mean - i do learn a lot as well, during the teaching session.
and one of it - was the above. according to Sir Charles Horton Cooley, "ppl's attitude and behavior towards us reflex our attitude and behavior", its like the looking-glass-self kinda thang. i stopped for a while, and i cldnt agree more. i am not goin to touch about ur life, or other's - for i dun giv it a fuck, and i hav no rite to judge watever not. but lookin at my own life - darn it is so true. its like - u dun expect ppl to treat u good when ur treat other like piece of shyte. and u dun grumble, questioning y and such - ppl r not treatin u well et al. i gotta look into myself. deep down in me. my words, my doin and such. no matter how strong u'd go denying (dats common), deep in u - u knw how it is.
i learn a lot, lately. a lot in so many ways. and it is thru the hard way. i am jst a plain flesh and blood - i do mistakes. but dats not goin to be a silly excuses for not tryin to be the best, and a better person. u do mistakes, and u learn -- dats the core. u do mistakes, and u learn nthg -- and ur a moron. and when u do change for good, or at least ur tryin hard to -- u xpct ppl will respect u for dat. i mean - i dun giv it a flyin fuck if u want to respect it or not - but at least acknowledge the changes. nbdy wants to change. and if there is, we shld giv it a bow. and act ot it, accordingly.
again - we r jst a piece of shyte. flesh and blood. havin a high expectation is disastrous for life. and it aint good.
i will put no hope anymore. i am tired of hoping and clinging for somethg unknown. i am tired of being a superhuman -- when i knw myself very well dat i am no angel. i tired of being questioned, and assumed. i am tired of trying, and i am tired of trying so hard to be perfect -- when nbdy giv it a fuck about it. i feel so bad and pathetic being treated like a cold shyte - even tho i knw life is a merry-go-round; wat u giv, u'll get back. i am tired of being peeked, judged and analyzed. i knw i've done a blunder, and i hav regret -- but dat wldnt make anyone of u a super-perfect either. i jst wanna live dis short life, as it is -- wit less complication, questions and judgment -- way merrier, each day.
i'll jst go wit the flow. and take a day by day, and watever it brings.
hav a great day, ahead.