6.45am aku dah sampai ofc. i knw dis is way way to early than usual. i gez rather than aku stay home and hav nthg to do - better off. it was a sleepless nite - aku switched off the phone the net everythg - wit the tot of i'd get away from all the distraction and crashed well, yet i was wrong. byk benda dlm kepala otak aku. lately ni byk sgt benda yg aku fikir - work, life, study, health et al - aku feel so tepu. and theres nthg on the idiotbox as well. i remember the nite was so quiet it hurts alrite.
aku decided to make a trip up to Parit Buntar today. i knw its Jumaat, but better off. aku planned nak jumpak keluarga Allahyarham Kiflin Madlan, ex-stdnt aku yg meninggal early of dis semester on MVA. theres a cheque aku need to hand over, and its been a while since aku last heard of the parents. tho Kiflin no more around in dis world, the parents r looking forward to keep in touch wit me - which aku wld honored to do so. they both r a nice person, and aku had no reason to keep away from the whole thang. after all aku kena make a tour - jumpak all the bosses kat Hospital Parit Buntar and PKD there, and get my biz done.
and beside dat - aku rindu mak. aku rindu her presence. at time like dis - aku need her around. perhaps not to jst talk to her - tp jst hav a look at her, and be around her pun dah cukup. its been a while pun, and coupla days back - she asked me again, 'bila along nak balik' and such. i gez i need not to plan sgt kot, and aku need not to wait for the time btol2 permit to let me do so - aku'd jst go wit the whim.
so today, after the assembly, after the Mesyuarat Pengurusan Akademik (which is for all the Ketua Program/Unit/Subjek et al - tot aku can get away from it.. tp aku kena jugak hadir) around 9am - aku will shoot up, get thgs done, and balik rumah mak. stay a nite there teman mak and spend some time wit minimons.
by trow lunch i need to be in Penang, again. thgs dat i hate of doin, but i dun hav a choice.
aku feel numb. real numb dat i am not sure it feels anymore. aku gez aku no longer confused, jst dat aku tak tau apa lagik patot aku fikir. i hav been fighting for dis. i told myself, dat i've done mistakes before and i'll prove myself better - but now, i dun knw.