Saturday, May 4, 2013

on "life's like dat".











i've been writing in here since 2008 lagik. way back then. i knw theres nothg much in here (i kept on sayin dat, i knw) but the fact is - there is nthg in ere, literally. i write thgs dat bothering me a lot thru out the day - at the end of the day. i write thgs dat i cant put it well into words - be it to someone i wanted to say so, or i din hav the choice/chance to let it out - so it put it in ere. and sometimes - i write thgs down when i am mad - u knw; when ur up the wall and u cant vent it all out alrite - at the rite person, at the rite time, for a rite reason. maybe u refused to hurt the others. or maybe - u jst dun knw how to make it rite - talk about bein assertive, heh.


so i put thgs in ere. my anger. my frustration. my story. my life. theres a lot more to write. to tell, hell yeah. but still - it is hard to put every details in here - for life is about lil thgs u kept to urself. i remember those days when i remained anonymous. i can write watever i feel like to. but as time goes by - i am no longer such, and i cant be dat bold. its restricting my creativity, to tell u the truth. but hey - dis is life. it aint about u urself. its about u and others around u as well. dat makes thgs better. i mght feel better upon writing thgs dat may hurt me, but i refuse to hurt anybody in the process of doin so - coz for me, dat is so not rite.


and i dun care about if ada org nak baca my venting out or not. i mean - i am not tryin to be 'bagus sgt ke' or arrogant. i shld be thankin u guys out there - yg aku kenal and tak kenal - for reading all the craps in ere. i shall thank u for  doin so. jst dat i kept remind myself to stay low, do wat i always wanted and love to do - for dis is wat i like to do - and not lookin for some external motivation to keep doin it. i hav to admit i am kinda proud seein the numbers of reader keep coming in - but then again, its jst a part of it. i write becoz i love doin so. 


owh. talk about the readers. i mean - about u. yeah u. i'd love to divide it into 3 categories. i mean - 3 categories of readers. first - those who hardly knw me, or perhaps u slightly knw me as i am - and keep reading all the posts w/o bein judgmental on anythg at all. u read for u love to read. perhaps, ur a blog-hoppers. u read all. and its kinda nice to read on others' life and such. the second category - those yg wanting to knw me well. i mean - aku faham; aku literally r nobdy. tp u read becoz u wanna knw me. ur eager to know a lot or perhaps.. better. so read all. u read from the start  and till the latest entry - tryin to knw dis and dat about me. and perhaps - maybe i am wrong lah jugak - u will come up wit so-called assumption; dat 'owh, mamat ni mcm ni rupanya' kinda thang like dat.. and perhaps - u will get the chance to knw me better. we met up. be a fren. and knw each other for real.


and when u knw me for real.. theres nthg left for u to knw dah pun. and u started to forget the whole thang - i mean, ye lah - dulu ko rajin baca blog and asked me dis and dat - tp skang.. dah tak lagik. and dat makes u fall into the last or third category - yg u assumed u knw all, and u 'walked away'. jst like others. u walked in. and u walked out. and perhaps u will start the same circle wit someone else. again and again. thru out yr life. and u'll left me wondering - dlm byk2 figures 'readers' of each entry - ru included in it? or those r jst some sort 'passing by' yang aku hardly knw? and u din even remember dis blog, dis owner at all? erm, jap. maybe ur darn bz jugak lah kot. i mean - semua org ada keje lain jgk. eh?


pathetic, eh? hahaha.. again. dun get me wrong. i mean - i wasnt born yesterday. when i said i write for i love doin so - i really mean it. i appreciated ur effort in reading all dis - thank you - but then again, its the ability to express wat i think, wat i felt and bein able to vent out thgs marching up my head to somethg yg will never say 'no' and wont be able to judge u at all - i feel blessed. u will come across a lot of ppl around u keep pestering dat they r a good fren and such, and u feel honored about it - but then again, one day u will question urself - do they really mean it? do they understand of wat they r sayin? fine. to heavy to u to think. especially in time like dis. hahaha


its hard to find the so-called unconditional frenship in town anymore. so if u hav one - do appreciate it well. cherish it like nbdy biz. for its hardly around, no more. and the end of the day - dis is the only thang dat i had - she will not question me dis and dat. she wont judge me. she'll 'listen' to me alrite. and she'll never tell me thgs to do, when i even least expect so.


i am glad after all dis yrs - i still be able doin dis. and i hope - i'll keep doin it till the end of days.


and for u - no matter which category ur in (again, i am not tryin to judge, mind u..), thank you. thanks for keep coming back and giv me kinda motion to keep doin dis.


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done wit taekwondo. done wit lunch. and done wit solat. need to crash for a lil while before off balik rumah mak. esok nak ngundi yeay!!












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