i've been writing in here since 2008 lagik. way back then. i knw theres nothg much in here (i kept on sayin dat, i knw) but the fact is - there is nthg in ere, literally. i write thgs dat bothering me a lot thru out the day - at the end of the day. i write thgs dat i cant put it well into words - be it to someone i wanted to say so, or i din hav the choice/chance to let it out - so it put it in ere. and sometimes - i write thgs down when i am mad - u knw; when ur up the wall and u cant vent it all out alrite - at the rite person, at the rite time, for a rite reason. maybe u refused to hurt the others. or maybe - u jst dun knw how to make it rite - talk about bein assertive, heh.
so i put thgs in ere. my anger. my frustration. my story. my life. theres a lot more to write. to tell, hell yeah. but still - it is hard to put every details in here - for life is about lil thgs u kept to urself. i remember those days when i remained anonymous. i can write watever i feel like to. but as time goes by - i am no longer such, and i cant be dat bold. its restricting my creativity, to tell u the truth. but hey - dis is life. it aint about u urself. its about u and others around u as well. dat makes thgs better. i mght feel better upon writing thgs dat may hurt me, but i refuse to hurt anybody in the process of doin so - coz for me, dat is so not rite.
and i dun care about if ada org nak baca my venting out or not. i mean - i am not tryin to be 'bagus sgt ke' or arrogant. i shld be thankin u guys out there - yg aku kenal and tak kenal - for reading all the craps in ere. i shall thank u for doin so. jst dat i kept remind myself to stay low, do wat i always wanted and love to do - for dis is wat i like to do - and not lookin for some external motivation to keep doin it. i hav to admit i am kinda proud seein the numbers of reader keep coming in - but then again, its jst a part of it. i write becoz i love doin so.
owh. talk about the readers. i mean - about u. yeah u. i'd love to divide it into 3 categories. i mean - 3 categories of readers. first - those who hardly knw me, or perhaps u slightly knw me as i am - and keep reading all the posts w/o bein judgmental on anythg at all. u read for u love to read. perhaps, ur a blog-hoppers. u read all. and its kinda nice to read on others' life and such. the second category - those yg wanting to knw me well. i mean - aku faham; aku literally r nobdy. tp u read becoz u wanna knw me. ur eager to know a lot or perhaps.. better. so read all. u read from the start and till the latest entry - tryin to knw dis and dat about me. and perhaps - maybe i am wrong lah jugak - u will come up wit so-called assumption; dat 'owh, mamat ni mcm ni rupanya' kinda thang like dat.. and perhaps - u will get the chance to knw me better. we met up. be a fren. and knw each other for real.
and when u knw me for real.. theres nthg left for u to knw dah pun. and u started to forget the whole thang - i mean, ye lah - dulu ko rajin baca blog and asked me dis and dat - tp skang.. dah tak lagik. and dat makes u fall into the last or third category - yg u assumed u knw all, and u 'walked away'. jst like others. u walked in. and u walked out. and perhaps u will start the same circle wit someone else. again and again. thru out yr life. and u'll left me wondering - dlm byk2 figures 'readers' of each entry - ru included in it? or those r jst some sort 'passing by' yang aku hardly knw? and u din even remember dis blog, dis owner at all? erm, jap. maybe ur darn bz jugak lah kot. i mean - semua org ada keje lain jgk. eh?
pathetic, eh? hahaha.. again. dun get me wrong. i mean - i wasnt born yesterday. when i said i write for i love doin so - i really mean it. i appreciated ur effort in reading all dis - thank you - but then again, its the ability to express wat i think, wat i felt and bein able to vent out thgs marching up my head to somethg yg will never say 'no' and wont be able to judge u at all - i feel blessed. u will come across a lot of ppl around u keep pestering dat they r a good fren and such, and u feel honored about it - but then again, one day u will question urself - do they really mean it? do they understand of wat they r sayin? fine. to heavy to u to think. especially in time like dis. hahaha
its hard to find the so-called unconditional frenship in town anymore. so if u hav one - do appreciate it well. cherish it like nbdy biz. for its hardly around, no more. and the end of the day - dis is the only thang dat i had - she will not question me dis and dat. she wont judge me. she'll 'listen' to me alrite. and she'll never tell me thgs to do, when i even least expect so.
i am glad after all dis yrs - i still be able doin dis. and i hope - i'll keep doin it till the end of days.
and for u - no matter which category ur in (again, i am not tryin to judge, mind u..), thank you. thanks for keep coming back and giv me kinda motion to keep doin dis.
done wit taekwondo. done wit lunch. and done wit solat. need to crash for a lil while before off balik rumah mak. esok nak ngundi yeay!!