Tuesday, April 2, 2013

life? (again)













4 hrs of class today - despite marking paper yg tak siap2 lagik; aku thanked God - at least today was way better than yesterday - it is way manageable, breathable. 8am aku kicked off the day wit class dgn budak2 farmasi - Sexual Harassment, smbg semlm. the topic was kinda subjective - so aku decided to take it lightly, short and sweet. class at 8am - nthg much u can hope for, except kalo ur slow and boring - stdnts will see thru u, drifted away, and tido dlm kelas. so, as usual - 8 to 10, few small breaks in between, jokes and such. by 9.30am - aku shooooo-ed em all the the cafe for an hr break.


11am; Introduction to Sociology wit the juniors. a merely introduction je pun. aku jst take it as it is - as long as stdnts fhm, catch some of the P&P objectives (rather than nthg at all) and do some linkage to the real world/life out there - and i am done. bg aku 120mins of class, doesnt mean u hav to confine am all, make em sit still and listen to ur naggin (and at the end of it, ur not even sure urself if they r learning or not pun). bg aku simple. class hrs shld be interesting. wit a lot of examples. discussion taking place. sharing knwledge and experiences - and link em all to the topic dat ur tryin to teach. they get the gist out of it, and u shall out of the class as well.


945am baru aku nampak Ameer at his place. been a while since aku last see him and sembang2 dgn dia. tho we r like at the same level, tp masing2 occupied dgn keje masing2, tugas msg2. Ajak pun dah lama sgt aku tak nampak - kdg2 je dia msg, and we talked thru the phone. Apiz pun. 


tp muka bos2 neh kerap plak aku terserempak. ko lari la pi mana skali pun, sha2 still - u'll bump into em all. spooky eh? ermmm


so aku ajak Ameer pi minum. kuar awal lah, since 11am aku kelas balik. dia pun ok je. he looked kinda preoccupied, different kinda tone while talking. not kinda chaotic Ameer yg aku tau. called Ajak, he wasnt in. so aku kuar dgn Ameer je la. pi Chemor, bihun sup there. 


sembang2 dgn Ameer - it was clear dat he's havin thgs in mind - work, appreciation, work satisfaction, seniors and such. kinda thgs yg aku kerap dgr from others as well. tho maybe - i said, maybe - dat wasnt the core or root of the problems his havin, but then - he is clearly strugglin wit somethg else. so aku jst dgr, and sampuk sket2 apa yg perlu. i knw how it is. workin in ere - u gotta hav sort of motivation to carry on. otherwise, u mght be stranded along the way.


been there before. i mean - i was jst like him back then. eager to strive, eager to giv and get the best for life. u managed to giv all u hav, but then again - bila niat wit goal/vision/mission berbeza - u'll be in conflict. and when u drowned in one - u feel so hopeless. de-motivated. malas. tak bersemangat et al. and the longer ur down there w/o findin a way out - its gonna be worst for u. i remember bein in such situation, as well. when u think u gav ur all - time and energy; yet nbdy really 'sees' u, no appropriate appreciation given - u will feel kinda useless. 

but then again - its all in ur head. niat kita sendiri. aku rasa lah. wat i did is - i do wat i shld do, and i do the best. i dun care if ppl care about it pun. and aku learn how to hav less expectation. betulkan niat, ikhlas, make urself in love wat ur doin, think of the satisfaction it brings to u at the end of the day - and i gez everythg will be alrite.


perhaps - kes aku and Ameer berbeza. aku hav no time to judge thgs pun. literally - he jst need someone he cld talk to, to share his story. and as a fren - aku do wat i shld do. and i gez dat is more than enuf. i hope he'll be ok. he's young. way younger than me pun. kalo awal2 dah giv up, dah de-motivated - u can imagine hows the rest of the life wld be then.


dis is all very subjective. life is subjective itself. its how u look at it. its how u put watever meaning to it. and its all depends on u, urself. 


and nbdy else.



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no class ptg ni. aku duduk and marking je lah. nak siap kan sumer2 neh, so dat aku can carry on wit life, properly. and aku nye dental clinic called, dammit aku lupa aptment aku pg tadik. so soon aku will blah and see the doc lah.








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