i swear to God i am not sure how to deal wit dis. lps Subuh, alarm aku strangely menjerit2 - checked, and it was mak abh nye anniversary, yg ke-40.
40 thn, yeap. and for the first time, w/o abh arnd.
mak looked cool about it. mak infact told me dat it is her anniversary while i was havin my drink alone kat dapur. i knew it earlier, but i jst nodded my head and jst smiled to her.
she looks so calm. but i knw, at the back of her eyes; shes keepin a storm of loneliness, and i knw shes missing her husbnd so much dat no words in dis whole wide world can describe.
aku lepak2 kat rmh ngah dgn bdk2 neh, when mak came in. kak ngah peluk mak, kissed her at the cheek, wishin mak happy anniversary. ngah told mak to not be sad - for she still has us arnd, and us hav her all the time.. aku bgun, and did the same. i told mak i wanted to wish her way earlier (for i never fail to be the first, every year) but i jst dun knw how, and i am not sure hows the reaction wld be. so i jst hugged her, and wished her alrite. she weeped a bit away, and trust me - God sake, i jst dun knw wat to say. i jst dun knw wat to do.
i am usually good wit comfort words to others, but for the first time - aku tak tau nak cakap apa. aku jst hugged her, aku i was speechless.
i mght tell u lies if i tell u i knw how it is - for her. its mak yg went thru such. but then again, i believed we shared the same feeling - rindu kan abah. especially at time like dis..
mak ajak aku pi pasar. but upon seeing my automatic response on my face, she laughed away and ajak kak ngah. rasa bersalah jgk. dah la jarang2 balik.. tp mak ckp its ok. and kak ngah glad to replace me, asalkan 'hang tgk jap bdk2 neh.. buas kalu, hang kutey sekoq2'. rite on. easy for me. hahaha
mak nak masak nasik ayam. mak nak buat mkn2 sket, for her anniversary.. since aku balik, Soleh pun ada. aku was like.. wow. nasik ayam. hehehe matilarr gemuk.
but then again, who cld resist mak nye cooking? i dun mind being gemuk, rather than tak makan wat shes cooking..
err, i mean.. heh. forget it.
mak, selamat ulangtahun perkahwinan. dah 40thn eh? along proud to hav mak and abah in along's. along tak tau where i wld be w/o u both. tho now dat mak sorg, it doesnt dat thgs r completely different. abah is around. in mak. in us. abah is around all of us. he's apart us.
and mak dun hav to worry a thang.
p/s; along sgy mak!!