cant sleep. its numb inside. i had dis urge to write thgs in ere, but i dun think i can. i knw its my fault literally - and no one else. i am the son, and i cant blame any one else.
its hurt and its hard when ur in my shoes. i never raise up my voice at all to both of my parents. never. and i am sure i will not gonna do dat. and even by havin dis hurting feelings, too - i am scared it'll do me wrong.
dis is jst not right. at all.
perhaps mak had her own reason. i keepin telling myself dat. but i am the son. her elder son. i remember abah kept telling me to look after her, and others when he's gone. i feel like i am failing. i shldve hav her in ere, wit me. look after her.
or perhaps its me. being too bloody sensitive. no doubt i had so many thgs in my head, lately. myself, thgs around me, works. but i knw - those wont be a reason or an excuse, to be there for mak when she needed me.
its me. its solely me.
gotta hit the road for Pangkor again trow. and 2hrs of classes. wit dis kinda shyte i am in - i gez life wld be jst perfect.