Monday, December 31, 2012

HNY 2013!!







its a last day of 2012. not like all the years before - i dun really feel kinda excited to sort of welcoming 2013. its jst another day for me, i must say. after all - like gotta go on - no matter wat.


2012 has been good for me. i had all the beautiful thgs in life, alhamdulillah. tho the worst part of it - losing abah for good. 2012 will always remains to be there for all of us - for its the year abah left us, succumbed for his Astrocytoma of the brain. i was shocked, still. empty. the hole in me - i am not sure how long it'll take to recover.


i miss him still. and i will always be.


4hrs from now - it'll be 1 January, 2013. i hope for the very best - for all of us. wit a good health, wealth. iman dan taqwa insyaAllah. i wanna be someone way better than i am now - as a son, as an elder brother, as myself. there's so many thgs i am planning to do next year - for my own betterment. if time permits, and wit His willing as well. and i am wishing u guys - the same too.


aku rindu mak out of sudden. been a while since aku last see her. and i hav dis urge to go back and be rite her side.. telephone cant take dat feelin, i am sure dat is - of being rite at her side. think i shld pack now. and hit home. i dun need anyone else, nthg else.  i jst wanna celebrate a new year - a brand new day wit mak around me.


Happy New Year, folks!






Saturday, December 29, 2012

CH, at whim!












some of the pics.
i posted all the pics in a folder, in my FB.





balik je dr erobik pg tadik, i was kinda wondering wat to do. i wanted to do somethg for the weekend, yet i dun really hav a good plan. and suddenly i feel like strawberries. the smell. the taste - sweet sour, filling up ur mouth kinda thg.


at whim - aku start kete, up to Cameron Highland. and it was like 10am in the morn.


it took me about 1hr and the half to reach up there. byk la plak kete naik turun. smpai Kg Raja - dah sesak. and i had dis uneasy feeling - dgn bau brek yg hangit lingered in the air - since byk lorry and such. so aku decided tak go ahead - enuff wit Tringkap je lah. nak ke Brinchang and Tanah Rata - mcm.. sah2 la it'll take ages. singgah Taman Rama-Rama - nthg much, rama-rama pun dah tak byk. ppl r complainin since nthg much there - tp charged RM5 tak turun2. i was there for about 30mins., took some pics and off i go.


got myself to one of the strawberry farm - and i went plucking em my one. setgh kilo for RM25. kinda reasonably. tho strawberries tak brp nak chantek - since it was rainin now and then - at leats dats wat ah so landlord tu ckp. mine was like 600gm, so kena RM31. hehehe


and after dat - aku turun balik. singgah Bharat Tea Plantation. i remember bein in ere like 2yrs back - in May 2010, to be precise. it was the best time in life, really. the tea, the scones. the beautiful time.. sigh. i was smiling to myself, and it sound silly i knw - but darn i wish it'd be wonderful if i cld turn back time.


by 5pm, its gettin dark. and dah mula byk kete goin doin, makin the road so pack and noisy. i decided to drive down back home then,


seronok plak pegang kamera. lama dah tak snap2 pics like i used to do like 2yrs back. i remember posting so many pics back then in dat particular yrs. by mid 2011, aku dah slow down sket.


and owh, aku still remember the strawberries and the choc dip. argkh. tak sempat ari ni to do so.. and the strawberry ice-cream.. dammit.


---


gnyte!










Friday, December 28, 2012

morning!







gmorning. assalamualaikum.


aku dah smpai ofc. as usual - dr semlm lagik ofc tak ramai org. i gez ramai senior lecturers, staffs masing2 nak perabis annual leaves msg2. aku sendiri pun still hav a lot in store - tp cuti pun tatau nak pi mana. nak balik kg, mak kat rumah cik in Changlun nun. thus i better stay back and do some preparation for the coming sem la kot.


tdo a bit late semlm. tak buat apa pun - balik dining out, lepak2 dpn lappy and channel surfing - nthg interesting on the idiotbox pun. by 12ish, aku masuk tdo. and 2am - aku tersedar. sigh. i gez by 3.30am kot, baru aku tertdo balik, up till 5am.


---


sent few slices of kek batik for kak ton - aku made it last Wed mlm. she likes it. she's been asking 'bila shah nak buat lagik' and 'anta kak ton sket' kinda thang. aku dun really suka sgt kek batik. tp bila sejuk, i gez its heaven. i hope she likes it lah. ntah apa rasa ntah. and i hope she'll remains silence and not talking about it, or asking for it - for the coming 2yrs. until dia tanya lagik, aku buat lain. 


---


aku sensed kinda weird thgs happening around me - i wanna knw more, but i dun think i had the urge of asking. i hope dis is jst a merely feeling, nthg more. and i hope it is wrong. but as a human being - aku cant help of thinkin of all the bulshyte. but sometimes u can see the changes goin around, u knw wat it is - but u pretend u dun knw a thang so dat u wont get hurt.


its a plain me, maybe.


---


u hav a great Fry-Day, peeps. see u around.






let it be,







we shld let the world be the way the world is being. and we shld let ourselves see the good in it - allowing all dat is to be the way is in dis moment. take thgs as it is. accept and embrace the rich abundance of the 'right now'.


i believe dat any attempt to lash out and attack thgs around u - the world surrounds u - wnds up hurting u, urself. choose instead to offer ur love and best intentions - and life wld be a better place, to live in.


move life forward, not by hatred and anger in u - or resentment - but rather thru love and understanding. be a living example of life, at its best.  let the world be the way it is - and let urself see the possibilities in it. face the reality of the 'wat is' and make use of it to create positive value.


choose to be fully at peace. wit the way thgs r. change thgs u can change -wit in ur capability. and for thgs u cant change - u gotta change urself on how u see it then. and how to take it well. for thgs u cant change, dat means u cant - no matter how hard u try. it is how it is. from dat peaceful, powerful perspective - we can make thgs better. and better,


---


i shall get back to sleep now. sigh.








Thursday, December 27, 2012

try.






i always love listening to Pink. she's different. i believe she sings from her heart. the songs r full of meaning - sometimes anger, truth - no matter how hard it is for u to take it well. she put thgs in a simple way - when u wanna let thgs out but u dun knw how - and shes there - in a song. wit a great lyrics. i knw sometimes the lyrics can be a bit harsh, s bit of 'shyte' ere and there, even the four-letter words. but i gez dats the way she put thgs out - and i dun really mind pun. coz i gez it depends on how ur percept the whole thang. and how u look thgs in a big picture.


she looks rebellious. u knw dat alrite. not kinda girlish next door. and dat makes her special.


kinda nice to hav such gift - where u can put thgs - ur anger, emotion, feelin  in a nice way. and u'd able to share it wit all. i remember havin dis feelin - the empty, hatred and a bit of anger in me, cynical feelin - and i dun knw y, each time i listen to her songs. and i remember how Nazmir - my exstdnt first introduced me to her kinda music, and i cling well. its been a while since i had dis kinda feelin - i used to listen to Linkin Park yrs back wit dis gritting-teeth kinda feelin, wit lots of anger in me (yet i dun knw how to vent it out). but as the yrs passed by, perhaps Linkin Park is no more for me. Pink is in.


and perhaps u want to listen to her no-so new single, Try. i jst love it. see the lyrics. and ask urself, wat is dat means to u. and enjoy the clip as well. kinda nice.








"Try"

Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try

Eh, eh, eh

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it's not right

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try

Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try

You gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try




---


gnyte.







Friday, December 21, 2012

do good.











let me share wit u of wat i believe.


if u wish to feel good, then u shld do some good. do some good - not for show, not for credit, not to get one up on anyone, not to get into anyone's pants - but jst becoz it is good. and it is rite. even if no one ever knws about it, except u - well dats enuff. Allah tau. do some good - jst becoz u hav the opportunity. and jst becoz u can.


make the situation better, and it definitely will makes u feel better. use wat u got to create a positive difference, and u will grow even stronger. make a positive impact on life - ur life, other ppls' lifes - and feel how great it feels.


if u spend ur time obsessed wit wat's in u - for u; solely jst for u - there will end up bein nthg in it, for u. so do some good, and it will most certainly be good for u. 


whether life is goin great for u - or whether it is not so great at all; do some good. do some good, and feel the priceless satisfaction of making life, better for everyone.


btw - good morning. its TGIF!







Wednesday, December 19, 2012

live, now.











let the past go.





someone said to me dat it is ok dat i've wasted some time. but - it is not ok to continue doin so.


i knw theres nthg wrong wit the fact that i've made some mistakes. for dat makes me a human. and for dat makes me wat i am now. and the fact is - now i hav to take wat i've learned from those mistakes and use it to make some good progress in life. i dun care if ur not agree wit me, for hell i knw it is true.


i gotta quickly and fully forgive myself for any shortcomings in the past. and i then diligently get to work the hell out of it - creating a bright and valuable future - startin at where i am, right now. no - i need not to wait for the new yr to come. hell wit all those new yr resolutions, for i believe in none.


i wont allow the past to imprison me. or discourage me. instead - i will let the opportunities of the present inspire me to take some solid, effective action.


i utterly believe dat life is now - so be ere now and giv ur focus to wat u can do wit now. life is now, so live it now - w/o bein weighed down by wat had alrdy come. and gone.


i shall be truly thankful for wat has brought me ere, watever it may hav been. then let the past go and let myself soar into a magnificent, fulfilling future.


insyaAllah.







the space.













wats left?






wit out silence, there wld be no sound. and wit out emptiness - there wld be no fulfilment.


when u sense the emptiness, wat u r really feelin is the ability to create. it is not a lack or an absence - but sort of opportunity.


the enpty spaces in ur life giv u space to breath. a some space to live. the empty spaces r urs to fill wit joy, wit love, wit meaning and fulfilment. the empty spaces r for u to sit still, and look into ur own self, and to gt to knw urself way better. the empty spaces r for u - to think of where ur at, where ur belong and where ur headin for - if it is alrite, or perhaps u need some adjustment done.


the silence gives u opportunity to speak, to express life in ur own unique way. the darkness gives u a place to shine ur own special light. an empty moment is truly a treasure. for it is urs to fill wit ur own meaning, wit life - of course.


when nthg is there - everythg is possible. we gotta take dat opportunity, and make it into somethg great.


for dats wat we r meant to do, in dis life.





live to tell.












live to tell.






i finally home. back to where i belong. apart of me refused of doin so - i wanna be away from where i belong for a lil bit longer. and apart of me - i am glad to be in - own place, own crib and such. where else, rather than home?


i had a good break. doin nthg at all. for the first time like forever - i left my laptop, my notebook and such back home - my notes et al. all i brought together wit me was like a few of books i supposed to finish up readin like ages back and back-dated issue of mags. 4 of the mags done, 1 book down. and i am glad. i had enuff sleeps wit no waking up in the mid of the nite, staring into the darkness. i had no worries of thinking about the never ending story about works and such.


but then again - still a few buggin my head. i am tryin to be cool about it, and apparently i am ok wit it. i started to believe dat i am good to pretend as if theres nthg wrong mentally - but the fact is - it is all over my face, alrite. 


sigh.


anyway, i am still contemplating if i am or not shld go to work trow. i hav like a month of days-off in store, and i am strongly believe i need to clear a bit of it, before the yr ends. but then again - if i am stayin in, wat wld i do then? when everybdy r workin the shyte out?


Hobbit. i wanna catch dat. hurmm





Monday, December 17, 2012

no balls?


i hav no words for dis. dis aint the first time tho. last time it was way worst. fake fb profile, fake profile over some inappropriate website. reported, one went down - anther came up. and i kept on receiving phone calls from the unkwn - asking for all sort of the unnecessary thg - during classes. at nite. mid of the nite. dlm meeting.. i was scared. i was so darn bloody worried.

and it went off silent for a while.

now, it happened again. perhaps u think it is ok - best since ada imposter.. u thnk its glamer. knwing dat theres someone out there btol2 crazy about u. nah, i dun thnk so. coz wait until u be in the shoes urself. it can be way worst than dis, trust me.

aku did wat i hav to. and hoping others wld do the same. dis time around - aku decided to be less aggresive. aku asked him to remove those pics of mine, nicely. tp tak dak respon la plak.. haih.

tak pa la. tgk la mcmana. i believe dat aome ppl take dis as somethg funny - taking all others' pics and claimed em to be theirs. if u hav peide, if u hav dignity, u wont be doin dis la kot. and if u dun hav balls. tadak self esteem.

kesian. dats the one word.




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Thursday, December 13, 2012

for a fren - a courage to live.







i received a text messages from a dear fren dis mornin - and aku immediate gav him a call. apparently he is in deep shyte. a long distance relationship, which last for the past 4yrs or so - finally found a dead end. he sounds so devastated, weeping at the end of the line. i knw he is, tho he keep on sayin 'i am ok' and 'i will be ok' like again and again. he's sad. he's worry. i knw hows dat feels - the future, the coming days when it'll no longer be the same, the empty-hole in u etc.


i was jst listenin to him, attentively. i am not sure wat to do, or to tell either - my head as well, kinda 'tepu' wit so many thgs lately. but i cant jst leave him in the way he is - i need to do somethg. i jst listen - to the sayin, to the weeping. it touched my heart as well, but i cant get carried away - for dat wldnt be rite. i wish i cld tell a thang or two. i wish i cld tell him to do dis and dat - it'll be easier. for me, perhaps. but i knw, not for him.


theres so many thgs marching up my head after the call. theres so many thgs i wana say to him - but i knw its not the rite time pun. and so i am doin it in ere, hoping he'll read dis - and he'll understand -


dear fren;


i certainly knw u hav plenty of thgs in ur head. headache. restless nites. and so many thgs to worry about. and yet, u shld knw better - worryin wont accomplish anythg positive, God sake.


tho life has many actual and potential difficulties, those difficulties r easily outnumbered by positive possibilities. u knw wat i mean - to let go, to move on. to move on for a new life, a new u. u hav courage to live, fully and from heart - to continue bringing those possibilities to life.


every moment is precious - so give each moment the respect, and attention it deserves. u certainly dun wanna waste ur time bein resentful and fearful about other times - ur past, for example. or the future - too much thinkin about it, will kill u. its the now dat matters. u hav so vey much to giv to life, so put ur focus on bein ur most positive and most effective self.


life has its daunting challenges, and u absolutely hav the courage to face every one, like every day. and courage to face urself, ur feelin, and those who drown u in deep shyte. the more u make use of dat courage - the more invincible it becomes.


ur courage to live has brought u ere. now. and ever. use it now, and again and again. and bring more great thgs in life, insyaAllah. ur one strong man - a good fren dat i knw. u'll be jst fine. jst fine, i knw.





*sigh.


- gnyte.










gymramaing.


sorang2 kat gym. cardio and chest. shldve been legs day, today. tp as usual, aku ngelat. esok2 lah. it is nice to all to urslf and hav the whole floor on ur own. u knw wat i mean.

last day at work trow. aku cant wait.



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