owh shut up
i knw. and i am not goin to deny it pun. i do think dat i am putting on more wts then before. and its sickening. i hardly eat - wit the tot of dat will help me to reduce the wt watever not. but then again - i knw, God sake - i knw dat is not goin to help pun. i skipped meals only to see me eating like a horse. a horse, mind u.
i tried to take breakfast nowadays. mcm dulu2 time kecik2, time mak jaga aku kat kg. but then again - its too hassle. sakit prot. and most of the time - aku hardly hav time for it pun. and aku mkn at 10am - wit frens at work. then aku skipped lunch. by 5pm - aku dah pjg lidah ke tanah lapar.. basically, kalo aku ke gym - aku had no energy since tak mkn. btol2 rely on shake or protein drink. i knw dat is not good, but stupidly me - i din do nthg about it. skip meals = loss wt. bulshyte.
mlm - aku jrg mkn. kalo mkn pun - as early as 7pm, or seblm Maghrib. tak dak masalah sgt since.. mlm je pun. a mug of warm milk pun dah cukup. but then again - i am cheating myself. i still hav dis urge to eat.. prot rasa mcm 'kosong kosong kosong kosong anak Pak Latip' and ended up aku mght merayau in vain to the pintu fridge and do wat i shld do. dammit.
Yus and Fina kat ofc selalu perli2 aku - taking all sort of supplement 'tp ko still mkn tak hengat', and aku jst buat muka poyo, or paling busuk - making a joke out of it. they'll laugh at the joke (or is it at me) and off thy dun remember a thang. a few fren of mine - yg jrg2 jmpak pun selalu ckp dat 'ur so out of proportion'. proportion my arse. jst tell me dat i am fat. senang sket kot. huargkhhh.
aku punggah bwh katil bilik bujang aku - looked ou for the wt scale. berabuk, tp still ada bateri. aku cldnt remember when was the last time aku climb on it well, and get scaled. and tonite - i did it again. no. to frank - i am not proud it God sake. i am sooooooo not proud of it, hell yeah!! BMI aku dah overweight, and my ideal wt shld be like 57 to 69kg. i was like.. wat the fcuk? dat much? how am i goin to.. argkh. aku tutup the application, and pi dapur. kali ni, jst a plain drink je. hahaha.. now i feel a bit kurus, yeap yeap.
dis is important for me. i mean - not jst the BMI, the looks. tp the general health. aku dun want to ended up wit mcm2 pykt - sakit lutut, sakit pinggang et all, jst becoz of overwt. worst to think of - HPT, DM and such. Ya Allah, mintak simpang!! and its about self esteem too, my self-confidence.
damn. i think too much. eh? no? argkh.