Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Friday, October 26, 2012


darn i want one of the those.. sexy, aye?

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salam eid ul adha!

its eid ul adha. and its different in a way. aku rasa sgt2 lain dan tak sama mcm any other eid. perhaps - its not as meriah as aku xpcted it to be. aku rindu abah. and coupla thgs happened coupla days back - also affected me. i think.

done wit solat eid ul adha. awal2 pagi at 8am lagi dah mula solat raya. tak mcm kat kg aku - sini semayang raya biasak2 je. mcm semayang Jumaat pun ada. less colorful i shall say. but not dat big deal la kot. lain tmpt, lain la cara nya. and aku cldnt wait to get back to where i belong. sadly to say, for the first time - aku feel so lonely (tho hell i am not alone), and so outta place.

cldnt slep smlm. been thnkg about abah so much lately. aku rindu abah and it was so intense i dun knw how to xplain it well. i gez its the phase i gotta face. a phase dat i gotta go thru well. its life. and life's like dat.

btw - Salam Eid Ul Adha, frens. hav a good one - wit ur fmly, wit ur love ones.

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Wednesday, October 17, 2012


life goes back to the way it is.
i hope.

hav a good day ahead.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

get outta my way.

dah dua hari aku smpai ofc, kinda late. lambat bagi aku larr.. and dah dua hari aku tido awal. had a good sleepin at the first hafl, and by 3am - aku dah wide awake. mcm biasak. i gez somethg wont change after all, eh? and the worst part is - aku failed to finish up any of the marking during dat particular wee hrs pun - it was so damn boring, torturous and not my kinda thang, to do pun. satu bundle dah siap - i had another bundle to go. and everyday - aku like bringing it in and out of the ofc, the house - wit nothg much done pun. a big HAIH!!

konvo soon. sumer org sibuk. aku and Yus in one small committee. and we r tryin hard to get thgs done. and at dis particular time - is the best time u can see ppl around u changed, jst like dat. upos stress on em, some kinda tanggungjwb, excitement et all - ppl changed. i mean - in a good way, or another. tak kisah lah. and dis is the time bila u can hear ppl r talkin about other ppl - dis and dat. kinda funny. yet i gez dats the way is it la kot.

will be leaving for Sg Siput, Kuala Kangsar soon. semlm tak sempat.

hav a good day ahead y'allz!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

life's like dat!

u mourn, u grieve for a while, but then after - u move on. dats life. life is like dat. sometimes, someone comes into ur life and they make u happy, brings so much colour and meaning to an otherwise bland existence - but there no guarantee dat u will be able to keep dat person, forever. 

sometimes, thgs happen which r beyond our control - and no matter how we try to control the outcome - we find ourselves pulled against our will. we try so hard to save the one thg dats givin us the happiness - but we hav to realize dat sometimes, ppl come and ppl. ppl do fall out of love, sometimes. 

it hurts, i knw. but if they do - and they've made it clear dat they hav to leave u.. dat they dun wanna stay - then we hav to let em go. dis is when we realize - it jst wasnt meant to be. so u hav to face the fact, and move on. u mght take the whole wide world of time to deal wit it - but then again - go head, if u hav to. u gotta let go, when the time comes. i knw its not easy - but i gez dats the only way. sometimes, the ppl u love wit all ur heart - leave u to make room for someone much better, way better - someone who will love u unconditionally for who ur, wat ur - and not for who they want u to be.

we mourn. me move on. then we continue our search for happiness. well dats life. and life's like dat.


along rindu abah.

i never felt..

Drowned World/Substitute for Love
Madonna - Ray of Light.

another huge thang for me.
the lyrics, the music.
look u for the lyrics - and u understand y.

crash to the other shore.

Madonna - Ray of Light album.

i am falling for dis, 
again and again.
dun ask me why - for i am sure why..

u hurt?

no matter wat - once in ur life time - someone wil hurt u. someone will definitely hurt u.
so bad - dat u dun think u'd survive. 
dat someone will take all dat u hav, all dat ur -
and rip it into pieces - and they wont even watch where the pieces and.
but thru the breakdown - u'll learn a lot.
u'll learn dat ur damn fcukin strong. dat ur way better then u think, ur.
and no matter how hard they try to destroy u -
still, u can conquer anythg.


true love.

ppl say dat everyone had a half somewhere in the world - their so-called perfect match, so to speak. and when u finally meet dis person - it will be true love. and so to speak. but then - how do u define a true love? wat on earth is dat, exactly? i mght not be the right person to tell u dis - but i do believe true love is somethg more than jst falling in love.

true love is frenship first and foremost. true love is when u can talk about everythg, anythg under the sun wit dat person ur in love it - ur day to day hassles, dis and dat at work place, problems, feeling, jokes, pickin on one another, gossips et al. true love is when u can share ur innermost tots and ur real self wit dat person - and knwg dat u wont be judged. 

true love means care and support, plus acceptance. true love means its both of u - and not only u dat matters. true love is openness and honesty, plus - most of all, trust. true love is a choice - its a choice to love someone unconditionally and to stand by em - not only during the happy times but then, especially when the goin gets tuff. true love means to be around all the time - not to step into ur other half's world; but to be able to step aback and be there as wat ur. true love is understanding and patient. true love is about spaces - both can free breathe and embrace it well. true love is when two ppl want to spend the rest of their lives loving each other - despite the obstacles dat may come their way.

true love is fidelity, respect and commitment. true love is bringing out the best in each other and growing together. true love is being connected to a preson - emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. true love is rare, and its the only thg dat gives life real meaning.

finding true love in dis lifetime is hard - trust me; some dun even get the chance to experience it, but for those who do - be careful, never let it go. becoz in the end - it is so worth it, to be in one.

i knw how it is. and i am blessed..  :-)

Friday, October 5, 2012

a week.

a pack kinda week aku had dis whole week, God sake. wit the fever in, the sore-throat, piles of work to be done, stdnts, convo - aku felt so tied up and darn, for sure aku felt so bloody suffocated as well. so - by the time aku belek2 schedule - and realized aku had to be in Alor Star (in KPPAS, to be precise), aku cant wait no more. so on last Tuesday - aku settled wit works cpt2, and by petang - aku dah alrdy on the road heading for AS. 

and dis time around - aku drove on my own. for the first time!

hotel penuh. most of em. not really familiar wit the town, aku amek jalan mudah - survey thru the net, and picked up the phone and do the booking. since semua hotel fully booked - Nazry rekemen aku dis Samila Hotel, yg btol2 located in town. dkt Masjid Zahir, and a walking distance to Menara 'putaq' Alor Star. sampai around 5ish, aku terus pi recce KPPAS - darn i've never been there and i need to knw he where about. i knw, it is around - but being me - aku tak mo kalot last2 minit and i need to knw the way, so dat trow.. aku bley take my sweet time. yeah. by the time patah balik hotel - Pinkie was alrdy there.. wit Azizi - a smart guy yg aku tak pernah jumpak, but i knew him on FB - kwn baik Pinkie. tot it'd be kekok big-time, dammit - i was wrong. Azizi was way supa-cool, way gelong than i've ever think. and ofkoz - both of em.. Pinkie and Azizi, were wit brains. hehehe.. they brought me up to Menara Alor Star, had buffet for dinner up there. first time, again.

teringat Menara KL last coupla yrs.. it rotated while ur havin ur meals. giddy, a bit.

by 11pm after the dinner, the Secret Recipe at the McD and such - they sent me off back to the room. and the story begun. the room. dat feelin u shldnt hav at time when ur alone. dat room - dat old, classic room. aiyooo.. spooky siot. sgt2 lain rasanya bilik hotel aku tu. aku ended up tak lena tido, and bilik terang benderang wit the telly on. maaf la kalo aku nak mengaku - aku tak le berapa berani sgt, kot. hahaha

and esok, awal2 pagi aku checked-out. and Pinkie ajak lepak Changloon, rmah Azizi to be exact - since Azizi is leaving for KL. again, aku tinggal la sorang. at rumah orang. tp tak pa, dis is way better dr bilik hotel yg mcm.. er, nvm. haha

kelas wit stdnt2 Rod KPPAS went well. smoothly alhamdulillah. basically aku tak prepare pe pun - it was jst like my any other classes in ere - on Motivation and Abnormal Psychology. 116 - gals way ramai dr the boys. but then again - they rawk. really really do. i had my best-est time teaching em all, and the curiosity in em all, asking me dis and dat makin me feel so bloody bersemangat.. hahaha.. tho dr 8 am to 5pm - selalunya aku dah flat on the ground. but dis is somethg else. way different. at the end of the class - dorg siap tepuk tgn, salam and amek2 gmbr. heh, mcm Adele plak. bley? tp btol - aku enjoy. aku bgtau Hj Zafri about them - and he was like havin dis wide smile ear to ear.. 'nanti bley jemput Shah lagik', wah! haha. aku wish i cld hav more time wit all of em. lain sgt ngajar bdk2 Sem 1 kat KSKB neh - pg tadik je aku dah spent 30mins ngamuk since ada yg ponteng, tak masuk kelas etc. sigh.

bley tak aku pindah AS je? hahaha.. kot.

esok ceramah. aku mls giler. slides pe kejadah pun tak siap. aku rasa nak tdo je. ngantok syiol.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012


aku baru sedar aku ada like 6hrs of teaching today. and today - shld be atravelling day for me to Alor Star. heh. so aku need to re-schedule, 4hrs je lah and another 2hrs to Friday. tu pun kalo Yus ok. harap2 she'll agree lah. kalo tak - sah2 lah stdnts SDL je. beg blum packing. marking belum mula. next week dah konvo - keje2 konvo still like.. aiyark.

ok - gotta go. see u.

Monday, October 1, 2012

its Monday!

i always remind myself to be thankful to Allah Subhanahuwataala for every single thg He gives me - from the whole big pictures in life, and to the smallest thang. dis i keep reminding myself - for all the petty lil thgs yg betul2 put my life in perspective - tho aku tau, aku sometimes hardly recognize em as to be one.

the smell of the coffee every morn., the sound of enjin bas skol yg lalu tepi rumah aku every day, and dat suara budak bg salam to her mak tiap pagi before off naik bas. the smell of nthgness, every morn - calm me in inside. the same route aku drive off to work. same faces, same thg in and out. and a lot more.

despite of bein someone yg selalu grumbling on dis and dat - i wanna be someone else. i knw sometimes aku derailed a bit - and i jst cant help myself. aku jst a plain flesh and blood. but i do wanna be someone better than i am now. for life is short, and i wanna feel every sec of it - runnin thru my vein and get drown in it well.

hav a pleasant Monday morn., ppl.