Sunday, July 8, 2012

lookin back.

it hurts me a lot. but it was somethg dat i had to go thru. if i hadnt gone thru it - i wldnt be who i am now. i wldnt knw how it feels rite then. there was no gettin around it. the pain was excruciating. it was the first. but as i try to remember the exact same feelin i felt back then - i cldnt, anymore.  it has become a distant echo. and i feel numb.

the claws of pain and every single thg - before; was clutching and rippin my bloody heart into tiny pieces, but slowly - as time passed by, i am getting used to it. i felt its grips loosen. until i cld no longer feel it. it lost its power over me.

for the first time in yrs, i feel free. f*ckin free dat is. my happiness does not depend of it anymore. i hav always imagined dat i cld never live wit out it. now - as everythg change, everybdy change - everythg changed. my whole perception changed. theres a lil uncertainty in my future - but i am not worried about it. not knwg is kinda exciting, actually. 

the love i felt fot is still there - and i dun think it will ever really die. but its not the kinda love dat used to overpower me, instead it turned to the kinda love dat acknwledges it was a huge part of my life, once - and dat i will always treasure the memories. i will always hav it in me, jst on a different level. 

so for those who a brokenhearted right now, feeling despair, feeling the pain in life rite now - dun let u drown. grieve, but knw dat in time - u will be ok. u will be able to heal. and move on. 

for life's like dat. 

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