i was in the pantry havin a mug of plain water when Puan Maliga came in, and asked about abah. i was kinda 'shocked' - not a min dat i dun hav him in my tot. but apparently today, i was kinda hooked up wit work, classes and such - and being asked how abah is doin - making me feel like.. i dun knw. aku ended up duduk in the pantry, all by myself - thinkin about abah. how is he. wat he is up to now. and hows thang for him. aku had dis rush of intense feelin - missing how so much, dat i am not sure how he is doin today, and aku started to feel kinda paralyze.
aku back to the room, pick up the phone and called mak. alhamdulillah - mak jwb. mak told me dat she is doin ok, i need not to worry a thang about her. mak laugh out a bit, here and there during the conversation. ermm.. dats so her. a plain her dat i knw. mak is good in hiding her feeling, tho u can see it across her face - clearly jst like dat. aku asked mak regarding abah - mak paused a bit. and my heart skips a beat. mak told me abah dah makin tak nak mkn. lemah. abah sleeps a lot. mak suap abah mkn, and the food will remain there in his mouth - sometimes he puke it out back again. mak had to tell abah to kunyah the whole food, and sometimes he did. and most of the time - he's not. it torn me apart hearing dat. mak told me dat the specialist is considering to put abah on NG tube (naso-gastric), and feed him thru the tube well. aku dun knw how to react. aku jst remained silence listening to mak, until mak finally called me up coupla times, asking 'along ok ke?' kinda thang.
clearly shown dat abah is regressing. perhaps the growth dan invaded various places of his brain including all dis motor function abah. i hate to think about it. i hate to conclude dat. but knwing abah - during dis tough time; he wldnt do such - tak nak makan and such. and dis is so not him.
another 3hrs of class to go. and aku feel like aku cuma ada badan je kat sini, and the whole mind and soul somewhere wit mak abah. aku wish abah dekat dgn aku. aku jst bley pecut wit in coupla hrs and hav a peek on him. but its Kubang Krian.. :-(
cant wait for the weekend. aku dah apply cuti on next Monday, will be there starting Saturday, rite up till Monday. aku hope for so many thgs for abah - yet i cldnt see anythg to cling on. anythg dat at least will giv me a strength to hold on the hope i hav in me.
a miracle, at least. will do us good.