Thursday, June 7, 2012

morn.











woke up at 6.15am, aku knew it was kinda late alrdy. had a struggled nite to get a bit of proper sleep - aku bingkas bangun since aku remember mak and abah ada kat bawah. sitting at the edge of the bed wit an open door, aku cld hear abah berwirid down-stairs. hit the shower, iron baju batik for keje - siap2, and aku turun panaskan enjin kete plus hav my morn dose of caffeine. kak ngah, abg ngah and Soleh r nowhere to be seen. aku bet they r still in their own rooms, done wit Subuh, smbung tido for a lil while.


had my big mug of Nescafe, all the pills et al - aku duduk sebelah abah yg still atas sejadah dgn mak. abah tanya aku where i am goin - told him dat aku keje today, and aku gotta go to work. abah hold my hand - told me a thg or two - abah suruh jaga diri, jaga keluarga mak adik2, keje elok2, build up a good family, love others well and such. tho mak kept on telling abah yg abah is 'recovering', abah ckp 'tak pa la.. maybe abah dah ok sikit, tp abah rasa abah idup pun dah tak lama..' again and again, jst like semlm. and he cried. seein tears rolling down his cheeks - aku tried so hard to contain myself. aku was trembling. and aku cant help silently had tears in my eyes. mak - menangis as usual. she kept on reassuring abah dat thgs gonna be jst fine, dat abah akan sembuh as before. abah jst cried, and nodded his head. aku salam and cium abah - as usual. and he put his hand on my head. God knws how it feels - he never did dat all my life. aku salam mak, cium pipi mak and aku left.


driving to work wit empty headed. aku wish to continue my leave, for i dun feel to work pun - at all. i had my mind all over places. i had my heart, my soul left behind wit mak, abah. but i knw i cant be like dis all the time. i gotta move on wit life, watever it is. 


so many thgs at work. meja bersepah. semak as kepala otak aku. aku not sure how to face the whole day, today.














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