woke up at 3.30am, aku lepak2 tgk tv jap. before 5am, aku dah siap Isya', tahjud and hajat - tunggu Subuh. aku called mak after Subuh, jst tryin my best kot2 mak changed her mind regarding options of management for abah.
semlm, around 6pm - Dr Suresh of Neuro Hosp Sg Buloh called me up, as promised. beside he told me dat i need to go down to Sg Buloh again for a bit of discussion on treatment/management for abah - he told me dat abah need to be referred to Neuroncology in HKL for treatment. and they un think surgery is the best option. aku sent out msges to adik2 aku - angah, cik, kak yang and Soleh regarding dat. and i am sure mak will knw milli-sec after dat.
and mak called me real soon, after it. mak ckp tak pyh lah kot, dat abah 'dah nampak ok sket' and 'kita berubat biasa2 dah la ya along.. sian abah'. as expected. she knws i wont go tell her knw. yet she did not instructed me, or she did not make any decision - mak jst pujuk aku to go along wit her tot, yet aku din say anythg. aku diam je. apart of her words r true - abah nampak penat lately, berat bdn susut. ageing. i knw how it is to go thru chemo/radio. the pros and cons.
and again - she told me the same jst now. aku tak tau nak ckp pe. the tot of abah 'dah nampak ok sket' - aku tak tau nak ckp apa. perhaps mak btol. perhaps mak cldve jst tryin so hard to tell good thgs to herself and anak2, so everythg will be ok. but the fact is - nbdy knws wat is goin on in abah's head. the changes he went thru for the past 1 month - is scaring me. but then, the 'abah dah nampak ok sket' is sthg i wish it is for real. u knw how it is, rite?