Saturday, June 30, 2012

abah.




abah nye mood labile pg ni. aku sampai rumah angah pg tdi pun, awal2 kena sound. jst becoz aku melwk dgn mak. he cried at one time, and he stay quiet at anther. and u hardly predict - kdg2 abah tiber2 je mrh2 tanpa sebab.

aku lepak tp abah most of the time. abah tak ingat apa dia ckp, even jst a few secs bef. abah confused. dia keep holding my hand, and usap2 kepala aku, and Soleh - pesan jgn tggal solat, jaga fmly mak dan adk2. and eacg time he did dat - he cried.

and he kept telling me - he loves me, he loves anak2 dia. he never did dat.

kak yang and fmly smpai. Soleh jgk, tmpg kak yang from Melaka. cik je tak dak. dia ada kelas.

aku tak tau nak ckp pe. aku numb still. aku once prnh questioned y abah, y tak org lain. but somehow - not anymore.

shunt abah makin bengkak. tho drainage rasanya mcm ok je. mak dah buat keptsan, mak tak nak abah on chemo - abah mkn ok, not in pain and no one of us nak abah suffer. doc dah tapper down ubt2 abah. and bscly - w'pun aku hate to say dis - abah did not show any improvement. aku berserah kpd Allah Taala. mak kept telling us to berlapang dada, and aku not sure if she knws wat shes talking. but yet, i hav to.

few days to come, genap 2 bln abah mcm ni. and aku keep on counting,and it hurts me - us - wit every heart beats.





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