Wednesday, June 6, 2012

abah, sg buloh.







at Neuro Clinic, Hosp Sg Buloh. abh kept on havin his labile mood - at one time he is ok, at anther he'd called me and tellin me thgs as if theres no trow, for him. i hate to hav dat from him. i hate to indulge all those negativity, for dat'd wld hurt me even more.


as for me, abh nampah a bit of regress. he kept asking same thgs even way frequently, he cried a lot. he kept telling me to jaga mak, jaga adk2, to be responsible as anak sulung. again and again. hell i knw it. i knw it well. but abh make it so weird as if theres no more after dis. but then - aku jst diam. aku jst listen to him well. aku kept reassure him dat aku tau tggjwb aku and he shldnt be wori a thang.


God, besar sgt tggjwb aku Ya Allah.


aku wonder hows the result wld be like. aku wonder hows thgs gonna be like. for abh, for me, for us. aku cld see hows mak looked kinda frustrated - abh was a bit ok lps berubt dgn few ustaz, yet thgs recur balik. aku tau all dis, aku did bgtau mak - tp mak chose to believe, mak chose to cling to hopes yg aku tau - as it is. bkn aku giv up. no. kalo bley, aku nak abh sht mcm dulu2. tp abh hav a massive growth, in a brain, deep-seated - and theres nthg much u can abt it, pun.


aku tak bley tdo mlm tdi. all dis uncertainty is killin me.

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