Tuesday, August 30, 2011

raya weh!









pic raya..
hehe






basically, i am done wit raya. mak looks so happy. abah keep on smiling seeing at his cucus yg tak henti2 lari ke hulu ke hilir. mak so bz kat dapur, tho she's running her show - alone. me and Soleh tolong sket2 mana yg mampu, nak lebih2, kena tukar baju kurung la.. as abah said.


done wit solat sunat raya, aku terus head home. aku tau - Soleh will definitely leave soon, since dia akan pi beraya rumah member2 kampung dia - he had ramai member kat kg, for he grew up in ere, and spent like a lot of time kat kg. me - skol menengah je aku dah blah tinggal kg, matriks, et al - sumer kat luar. so aku kenal 2 3 kerat je.. bila time pi kedai or masjid, org2 kg kenal aku thru 'acuan muka' aku je.. lbey kurang my dad's. heh.


Soleh dah blah. mak awal2 lagik bgtau, soh balik awal. since dlm noon nak blah pi Taiping, rumah mak long's and mak njang - kakak mak and adik abah. aku a bit liat for some reason - esp. mak njang's. tp mak long, aku nak sgt pi - aku manja wit mak long dari kecik lagik. mak long cooks well, and u knw lah why. and tinggal la aku kat rumah dgn mak abah..


aku 'serabut' tgk budak2 neh ramai dok ke hulu ke hilir dpn rumah aku. sah2 jap lagik nyinggah. bukan apa - sah2 la aku kena hidang segala bagai. argkh, aku shld blah ikut Soleh tadik. or perhaps, aku tunggu je dkt gate - belum sempat dorg bagi salam - aku shld ask, 'ko nak mkn kueh raya or nak duit raya?' kinda thang. hahaha..


sah2 la dorg nak nak duit raya. and aku tau, by the time dpt sampul, dorg akan berdesup hlg dr pandang..


*sigh*









Selamat Hari Raya!










Salam Eid'ul Fitr
al Mubarak..
Maaf Zahir dan Batin.






awal lagik aku dah bgun. around 5.30am, tu pun after mak gerak - for aku did asked her to wake me up early. tdo kat kg, alarm besar bagak sekali pun - sah2 aku susuah nah bangun. tp kalo mak gerak.. kejap je aku dah terjaga.


terus mandi sunat raya. sejuk, i knw. but dis is somethg yg jarang2 kita buat - and it is sunat. mmg abah dari kecik lagik dah didik kitorang - first thg on hari raya is, mandi sunat raya.. abah awal2 lagi dah azan Subuh, by the time waktu solat Subuh masuk. on day like dis - abah will not go to surau as he always do - its the family time, as he always told me. and we ended up tunaikan solat Subuh berjemaah, whole family. bertakbir raya, ikut turn. sumer anak2 lelaki abah akan lead the takbir raya, including me. and we ended up the session wit salam mohon maaf sesama ahli keluarga - abah first, then mak, aku as anak sulung and smpai Soleh - yg bongsu. aku love doing dis. its like s'thg yg wajib kami buat pagi raya.. sumer anak2 abah dah faham. teringat dulu kecik2 - siksa sgt nak bgun pagi, pe tah lagi mandi time2 neh.


all done now. baju raya dah siap. think aku shall turun dapur, tgk2 mak. kak ngah raya kat rumah in-law dia, tinggal la mak sorg conquer dapur to herself. sian lak aku tgk.. smayang raya at 9am - lambat lagi..


---


dis is raya for me. the family, personal thang. bg aku - raya is so personal, dat it means a lot to me. its not about baju raya, kueh raya, duit raya yg ko spend like nobdy biz. its the family ties, the bonding u hav, the love et al. even if mak abah tak de sekali pun one day - aku as anak sulong will keep dis tradition, insyaAllah - in between adik2 aku.


gotta go! Selamat Hari Raya, maaf zahir dan batin!




Sunday, August 28, 2011

Bagan Serai.










acik, angah, along, haziq
and damia.
and pak long ofkozzz..






by 10.30am, aku dah smpai Bagan Serai, kak ngah's house. pg tadi a bit liat nak mandi gerak sumer, tp by the time aku sampai sini - darn i feel so recharged. dgn all dis minimonsters terloncat-loncat mcm lil nyets dpt belachan. happy aku tgk, w'pun s'times they can be a bit annoying. tak pe la, annoying annoying pun - anak2 buah aku. and i love em all.


kak ngah buat nasik tomato plus ayam masak merah. another fav of mine. she asked me wat wld i love to hav, in addition. aku main ckp pe yg terlintas je.. aku requested for cucur bawang wit ikan bilis.. semlm mak buat cucur kuchai, ari ni teringin nak bercucur bawang plak. and angah senyum je. by the time aku bgun tdo jap tadi, the whole rumah dah bau cucur bawang. damn! cant wait for berbuka. cucur bawang versus ketchup! wow. wat else wld i go askin for?


somethg is bothering me. and i cant help thinking.









al Fatihah.





































woke up early for sahur, and aku stay up till Subuh. i cant really sleep last nite. Ghaz called me up, bgtau aku a sad news - Ijoi dah kembali ke rahmatullah awal pagi tadi, around 2am. aku bingkas tgk his FB wall. and its true. aku was shocked. in a state of shock. he's one good man, a good fren he is. he never failed to call me and ask me out for a drink each time he came back in ere to his parent's, cuma aku je yg keep on givin him excuses and such.. :-(


aku doakan semoga roh arwah akan ditempatkan bersama mereka yg dikasihi Allah Taala. moga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat hendaknya. aku rasa terkilan since sepjg dia dlm wad/ICU, aku cuma sempat melwt dia 2 kali sahaja.. and the last time when he was in Isolation Room in ICU - he was getting betting, managed to laugh and responded well to jokes and such.. masyaAllah. Allah lebih mengasihi hambaNya, i am sure.


aku yakin wit His ketentuanNya. kehendakNya. we r all jst some piece of nthg, and we r all hambaNya. hidup ajal maut - semua di tangan Allah Taala.


i lost one of my fren today. and it feels numb.











Saturday, August 27, 2011

hav u?











hav u?
well, i did. today.
and it makes me feel good, really.
still does!


gnite.










Pusing Beraya.







had a real good berbuka tadi. wit mak abah. soleh tak berbuka sama - he went off for Parit Buntar, 'nak beli kasut raya dgn kwn' as he told me. nice eh, to be anak bongsu - sumer well sponser by abg kakak.. jeles aku. dis year - awal2 lagik dia dah nyendeng2 aku.. mintak sponsor baju melayu satu suit. from kak ngah - kasut. dr cik - aku tatau. mesti ada la tu.. tak pa. dia je adik bongsu aku yg ada.


minimons tak balik. mak ckp, kak ngah sibuk nak kemas rumah baru dia.. erm, sunyi weh. penat dah aku tgk tv. jemu aku layan internet.. rasa nya sah2 la awal esok pg2 lagik aku berangkat ke Bagan Serai, surrender myself to the mini-monmon. perhaps aku berbuka terus je la kat sana, tdo sana..


had great chit chat dgn abah tadik. lama aku tak sembang mcm tu dgn abah. erm, to be frank - aku dgn abah tak la rapat mana. mmg dr kecik mcm tu. if u read my old previous entries, maybe u'll understand. he's a great dad, i love him. cuma he's one strict guy. garang. dr kecik kami adik beradik takut dgn dia. so - apa2, mak je la.. but i knw - selalu mak complain - saying dat dia terasa since anak2 dia - sikit2 mak, sikit2 mak.. as 'aku ni dah tak dak', as he told mak. so - mak told us adik bradik to slowly get close to him, no matter wat. we r tryin, tp dah dr kecik terbiasa.. so its kinda hard. cuma lately, abah dah berubah. he really talk to us. asking dis and dat, giv us wisdom words and such.. and listen to us. darn i am glad!


watching TV3. lawak mcm giler. Dato' J wit his lembut karakter, in Pusing Beraya. hahaha









the nothg-ness.








i wanna write somethg dat 'bothers' me jst now. not really bothering la, i was jst saying.


perhaps u'll agree wit me. i think - its better to accept dat life's uncertainty. if we knw we will faced wit te unexpected - then we will not be surprised and cant set about making the necessary adjustments - rather than whinning and beating our cheats, in despair. btol tak? we cant perfect life, and then get it to stand still. trust me. there is nthg in life which is perfect. we can reach to perfect but never become perfect.


life is a dynamic process wit unpredictable curves, stops, reverses and new paths which we may not hav control. the best example i can give - is 'love'. wat is 'love'? u knw wat it is. i aint gonna giv u the bloody definition, God sake. perhaps, u say it like most of the time, aye? there r some ppl in dis world who fail to express their feelings or who arent so lucky in geting their first love. so now - wat shld they do? sit home and cry? some ppl get so emotional dat they cldnt even concentrate on other thgs and keep cursing the luck and the life. but i think - dis is not the end of the world pun. its like - one door is closed, opening several other doors for yr betterment.


life is about givin exams. if u fail, u learn. if u pass, u learn. learning is important - be it watever mght be the result. if u keep learning in life, nbdy can stop u ahead. well, life's like dat!


dat how life is. easy from outside, difficult from inside.


---


think i shld leave the room. pe nak buat eh? dah separuh hari golek sajort..


haish.









at kampung alrdy. yay!!




mak's fav pokok bunga..







gosh! wat they r doin?
puasa weh!








abah's fav.
and mine as well..








wat?
mau gado ka?








raga beskal aku, abah stil simpan..
and kuali buat dodol. lama dah tak guna.
dulu each hari raya kami adik beradik kena kacau dodol.








my fav
mini-me-monmon.









soon to be a model.
bley?








morning dew.





3.30am aku dah bangun. plan nak kuar awal, tp tup2 lepas turun naik turun naik kuar masuk - 4.15am baru aku kuar. aku expected jalan sah2 jam. high-way even jalan lama. and darn - i was right. by the time aku masuk high-way thru Tambun - aku cld see kereta lori bagai berderet2 thru the non-stop route KL - Penang. and dat was like 4.30 in the morn.


Terowong Menora, clear. tp by the time aku reached R&R Sg Perak, Kuala Kangsar - it was like 5km away from it - dah jam. rupanya manusia pakat2 nak masuk R&R, tho jalan jam, kereta dah siap parking tepi jalan rite till jambatan sanun. tensi aku. it is well-known dat R&R Sg Perak, be it north or south bound - pelik sket since parking limited, sempit. w'pun dah renovated baru2 ni - still did not make any changes pun. still sempit, sesak. tiap raya - the same thang. berderet2 kete parking tp high-way, caused sort of cramp kat jalan.


by 7am, aku reached home - sleepy giler. aku solat Subuh, terus masuk tdo. rumah senyap sunyi since monmon sumer tak balik lagik..


and i cant wait for them to come! w'pun there'l be some kucar-kacir-ness, but i am loving it!




---



owh, btw - the above pics r some yg aku baru amek jst now. saja nak warming-up the kamera, my hand as well. lama weh tak pegang kamera!












Friday, August 26, 2011

finally!











simple kad raya from K28
and K27. tenggssss!!





done wit the last hrs in class wit my own stdnts. actually - i dnu really call it as a class pun. it was jst a merely some big boss asked us the ikan-ikan bilis to 'jumpak stdnts, remind them dis and dat before let them off for raya' kinda the thang. and Mr Bong asked us to giv em sort of assignments - and kutip by 4pm, only then lepas dorg balik. well, watdya think? u think i'd go comply dat?


haha.. no i was not. despite of making the boys and gals kinda piss off (since kena tahan tak bley balik awal) aku jst bwk all the seniors to the hall, get all the seniors' log books done (while budak2 aku bising mcm kat param.. who cares? they ARE all around!). and by the time the seniors r done - only then aku jumpak budak2 aku neh. by the time aku ckp aku nak bg assignments and i will go collecting em by 4pm - aku cld see a bit tense kat muka masing2. hahaha.. who on earth wld like to do dat - while all in head is kampung, mak abah, raya and such? so aku jst bagi taklimat sket, dis and dat, salam2 mintak maaf wit stdnts and off aku let the stdnts kuar kelas.


and dat was 3.30pm, and not 4pm..


(kalo tau Mr Bong neh, mati lar aku..)















pre Selamat Hari RaRa.. hehe








sometimes, a small lil gesture, move - moves u. sometimes, it can go beyond wats in ur mind - i mean, the feeling of being appreciated, being loved, being well cared of - i hav no word for it. all i knw is how it hits me alrite. and how it makes me feel darn good.


a lil headache still, but i am ok. gez i gotta make a pack - despite of head off for mak's in Selama, Perak after berbuka tonite - i shall be doin the balik kg early trow morn., after bersahur maybe. i cant wait to be there - for mak abah, for adik2 aku, for all the minimons. and for the Hari Raya. i knw for some ppl out there, its not biggie. but it is for me. mak, esp. abah - makin uzur.. and i need to make sure i will be around em both, spending some quality time. i wanna be there for when they need me. i gotta be there for they hav been around for me - for ages, and i will never ever get the chance to pay them both, back.


as for me. Eid'ul Fitr al Mubarak is way beyond some baju baru, duit raya and all those material thgs u can buy. i truly dun giv it a shait, for i can hav em all at any time, at all.


its the feeling of 'rasa gembira' of being able to make others happy wit ur presence around ppl dat u love - is all dat matters to me.



so if ur head home now - where ever ur on dis planet earth - hav a pleasant journey back to ur root, to ur family. it is nice to knw - no matter who ur, wat u do, where on earth u've been - its the fmly dat at the end of the day - is wat we r lookin for.


for wit out em all, ur nothg. ur jst a plain nothg.


Selamat Hari Raya Eid'ul Fitr al Mubarak, peeps. maaf zahir dan batin..










Selamat Hari RaRa!
eh, i mean - Hari Raya.. hehe









Wednesday, August 24, 2011

time's up!








thank God i managed to settled quite a few number of works, alhamdulillah. weekly jadual for the stdnts dah settled, claim done and sent out alrdy and few more. perkhhh.. i swear to God tomorrow i aint gonna do a thang. hehe


Jean Paul Gaultier La Male, for today. big bottle. aku puas ati. hehe


times up. dah 5pm somethg. gonna hit home now.








a kad raya! (finally). haha













thanks,
Mr Boon Heng!!






sampai awal to the office dis morning. woke up at 3am for sahur, aku dah tak bley tdo.. and aku managed to do few thgs need to be done by dis morning, alhamdulillah. by 6am - aku dah pening2 lalat ngantok.. tp sah2 aku tak bley tdo dah.. since i knw if i do - darn i am gonna be late.. so aku mandi terus, solat.. and siap2 pi keje.


reached at the office - few thgs on my desk - benda2 pending dan few thgs yg malas aku nak tgk. to not get my mood spoil early in the morn., aku put those unwanted thgs aside first.. and there is one sampul surat from somewhere wit my name on it dat somehow drive me kinda thrill. its a kad raya! i knw - u mght say dat it aint biggie. but at dis age - a single card will change yr day, really. and dis one - really does. i was sort of lookin forward for some kad raya thn ni - tp.. tadak pulak. mls nak pecah kaca pecah gelas. dah besar bagak. hahaha.. so when aku dpt dis - aku was like, wow! haha.. its from Mr Boon Heng, a fren of mine in the FB. thanks again, BH! u make my day!


gotta go. byk keje weh! kena siapkan sebelum esok.


see u around.










Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Hutan Melintang!

Done wit Bgn Datoh, ere i am - alrdy kat Hutan Melintang. I love dis, i gez dis is the best part u start ur journey way early. Awal2 lg sblm apa2, aku dah smpai at the 1st klinik. Dis klinik - KK Hutan Melintang is way accessible to be cmpare wit Bgn Datoh. Aku pernah sesat siot, cari klinik tak jmpak! Both of my stdnts kat Bgn Datoh they did well, staf siap puji ckp rajin bagai. So aku sengih2 je la, tmpg bangga..

Monday, August 22, 2011

g'monen!








done wit sahur. i cant really sleep well, so aku decided to do down to the dapur as awal as 3am in the morn., and get done wit my tea-o panas, a bit of dis and dat - lite2, and i am done. think of doin some work on the lappy - but i ended up surfin la pulak, and i think i shld be crashin now for a lil while - since trow morn., its gonna be a long day for me yeah.. i'll be hitting the road for clinical teaching/clinical visits to Klinik Kesihatan Bagan Datoh and KK Hutan Melintang. darn i dun wanna go stumble into Dato M Daud Kilau, anymore! heh.


jadual K28 post-raya tak siap lagik. semlm, aku shldve started doin it well, tp kelas la plak smpai 5hrs, and aku jugak secara ad-hoc kena jadik liaison officer since big-shoots from KSKB Sg Buloh dtg melawat KSKB UK - nak tinjau2 tapak for Pesta Konvo dis coming Disember. Yati and Suzana were not around, darn aku gotta cover em both. dah la dtg time kelas aku, aku kena tinggal kelas half-way thru, time lunch pun dorang since make me pusing2 KSKB yg Ya Rabbana luas tu, on my feet. argkhh.. done wit lunch hour, tak sempat rehat - aku dah kena masuk kelas.. and dis time for 3hrs, hatric. kejis tak? and teaching Sem 1 is not like teaching Sem 3. erm, mls nak fikir.


and K28 - budak2 aku; ada kes kecurian la plak. a few gals hilang total of RM110, while they were not in the class. aku tau the amount tak la byk mana. tp ni students, dorang nak balik raya plak.. and furthermore, there shld be no such case pun dlm mana-mana kumpulan, God sake. aku pening. aku dah masuk gertak budak2 ni. but i dun think its gonna help. there must be a way of handling dis, and i am gonna get dat bloody culprit, yeah.


erm, dah la. nak iron baju keje. nak mandi, solat and sambung tdo.


see u around. and selamat berpuasa!










Friday, August 19, 2011

moaning!












berair tgk..
hiks~




i had a good time semlm ptg - struggling in the kitchen, fixing some meals for berbuka.. its been ages since i did dat, really. kalo selalu - i did dat for i am damn hungry and such, tp semlm its kinda special - for its for berbuka puasa. so no lauk pauk bought semlm - instead, i had my own self-home-cooked, yeah.


started wit seeing Azman's wall at FB - he tried one of the recipe on Resipi.net - and according to his, the outcome was like.. superb! so out of nothg - aku browsed around, seein foods make me drool yeah, and i came stumble into dis simple recipe - Ayam Masak Madu. aku ended up start enjin kete, drive out of the office - pi beli ayam et al, balik rumah - siap perap ayam lagi! and.. owh, fyi - i did dat on the lunch hr ya.. dun get me wrong! heh.


so - ptg semlm, kelas 3 to 5, aku wrapped up early since muka budak sekor2 mcm c*pap (since its ptg, kan!), but the fact was - aku yg nak balik awal.. hahaha.. nak masak ni, ok! smpai rumah, tukar baju bagai - aku terus switched mode, masuk dapur. lama weh tak turun dapur.. agak kekok di siteww.. haha


by 6.15pm - 2 dishes siap. ayam masak madu and bayam goreng tumis. plus ikan perkasam goreng. hehe.. ayam masak madu aku - compare gmbar dlm website, a bit darker aku rasa.. maybe terlbey kicap la kot. kicap pekat. or sos tiram. to tell u the truth, recipe dia simple sgt.. tp payah (bg aku la..) since tak ckp brp cebuk kicap cair ko nak bubuh, brp sodek kicap pekat.. sos tiram, madu.. so aku main agak2 secukup tasti sajort lah! haha.. and aku time agak2 nah, mmg payah. jenis tak brp pandai nak buat decision - u knw wat i mean. but.. but - then, it taste good, i must say. habis half bird hadap time berbuka sajort.. and time sahur tadik - makan hatey. bley?


btw - if u wanna giv it a try, go to http://resipi.net/v2/?p=228. or susah2, tgk2 je resipi.net.. kalo tak sawan, tatau la.



---


dah smpai ofis. malas giler. its Friday after all. aku harap Pinkie lupa dat i am workin and she's not. kalo tak - mati la aku kena sagat since dats wat i did to her last Wednesday - when i was on public holiday, and was working. hahaha


hav a pleasant weekend, fellas. i gotta start buat2 busy, like.. NOW! haha


chiao.











Wednesday, August 17, 2011

change.. again.








many of us r familiar wit the xperience of waking up to the fact dat our life r no longer workin the way we hav set em up. s'times, dis is due to a shift occuring inside ourselves over time, and s'times it is part of the larger shift dat is currently affecting all humanity.


change is s'thg subjective. not all of us love to change. s'times we prefer to stick to the old ways of doin thgs for we r used to it well. we r complacent wit dat way. but change is happenin at such an increase rate dat it is difficult to predict wat the future holds. thus, if u reluctant to change - u'll left behind. as a result, many of the old ways of plannin out a life r no longer applicable, and if we cling to em we feel strangely out of tune wit reality. u knw wat i mean. if we r in tune wit the energies around us, we will begin to q ideas dat jst a few ago seems sensible.


s'times a dratic change feels totally rite, and overnite we mght decide to sell our home and move to another country or quit our job or perhaps - do thgs w/o further thinking. other times, we allow the changes to proceed slowly, beginning perhaps wi allowing ourselves to dream of a new life or jst to ask the deeper q's dat encourage us to discover our true purpose of life.


either way - knw dat dis process is a natural sign of the growth we r all goin thru, and trust it to guide u to the life of ur dreams.. sigh.



---



terawih now!








rants.








i knw i am not supposed to be around, supposed to be muggin like all the other beings.. (do not want to giv any other nomenclature for others as other creatures.. so i conclude dta i am a weirdo! bley?)


coupla days to go. now i understand bow 'put urself i other ppl's shoes' really felt like. heh. no jokes, no fun.


and i am freakin out to find out dat there r still a lot of stuff which i do not knw, God sake. or more precisely, i hav got myself went thru em all, but forgotten as well.. sigh.


its sucks. big time.


and tell u - when one is not so knwledgeable, one tends to hav low self-esteem, low self confidence. and hence one will tend to be more sensitve towards certain issues, and might be more irritable. simple, aye? but dats the bloody fact. its not the matter of bein emo or not, one jst cldnt help. therefore, it comes to the time putting one-self on the other's shoes. its not easy, dammit. unless one understands the feeling, or else one will never knw why one gets emotionally overwhelmed.


so ppl. its not dat i want to keep everythg to myself. not everythg can be explained pun. even if i do explain, ko faham ke? i was talking about myself, dun u worry. i take longer time to absorb than u do. cheLemB wit a capital 'B'. and its not the same. never the same. so stop talkin crap which u mght find it is as a joke, yet it bloody hurts. and yeah - some said they jst want me to be myself. so? be be myslf lah? and then wat?


will it make much difference? no, i dun think so. i am sorry. for darn it, i dun think so. perhaps i will feel even better, even easier to be more insignificant, which i hav used to be. eh?


ok. enuff crap. its berbuka puasa time!






dream!











nah,
it aint wet.





hav u seen a metal building before? well, last nite i dreamed i was in one. been a while since i deep in my sleep and hit by a dream. i cant really remember the specifics of the dream - but wat i do remember is dat i was in a huge building made of metal, but the weird thang is dat - it was like a forest inside; full of tress and shrubs - and i felt like i was lost for some reason.


i wanted to get the hell out of the huge building and i wanted to wake up - but i cldnt. i remember feeling so freakin scared then. and to add suspense - i cld feel the wind howlin outside and rain began to pour - the loud drops echoin in the metal walls.


i finally woke up, drenched in sweat.


darn i am still puzzled about the whole shait. maybe dis dream is tryin to tell me s'thg?








Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Ijoi, Khaleesya.



LinkLink



despite of doin thgs i need to be done today - aku did somethg else. by 10am - aku dah kat Hospital Ipoh wit 2 missions - nak melawat Ijoi and melawat Ajak as well. aku dun hav anythg in mind - jst dat aku need to do dis, for they r a fren of mine.


first - 3B/ICU. jaga sah2 la tak kasik masuk. tp by the time nampak tag aku tergantung kat leher - aku managed to sneak in. aku was so surprised seeing Ijoi in such condition. he looked so helpless, in pain. he was too, surrounded by all sort of devices, wires and such. drips r hanging on both sides of him, even one on his (L) leg. i was wondering around his complicated bed, try to figure out a thang or two - when he opened up his eyes. he smiled, and i was like - 'gosh, wat ever happened to u' kinda thang. he tried to speak up, but i hardly hear anythg at all - i believe it was a complication of tracheal intubation la kot. i later knew dat he had dis so-call collapsed of (R) lung secondary to lung infection.. i bet it is Pneumonia. but then - Pneumonia caused a collapsed lung? wow. i was there for about an hour, i cracked some jokes - he laughed (in his own way). i told him wat wld i bring for him, on my next visit - any apples or grapes. he was like laughing out ok. i hope he'll get better, real soon. for i knw he is getting better. way better before he was transferred from medical ward (7A) into the ICU. aku managed to lepak2 wit his mak ayah. alhamdulillah - they both r so positive about their son. thus - i need not to talk too much.


then aku naik ke 6C - Neonates Intensive Ward. ajak was there sitting - another hopeless kinda face. he jst had his 5th lil gal - Khaleesya somethg, 7 days now. shes cute. so cute i feel like picit2 her. but who knws - she's wit complication. a congenital complication. her left ventrical of her heart is small (left ventricular hypothropy). a very rare condition, u acquired it congenitally. no such treatment - except conservatively, and a heart transplant. Ajak looks so down, let alone Syikin - her wife. so i spent some time - talking to him, tryin all my silly best way to cheer him up. i knw it wldnt make any changes, but at least - seeing him smile and laughin - dats enuff for me. he told me IJN gav the lil gal 2 days - but she's alrdy 7 now. i mean - 7 days. as for me - dat is more than jst a plain miracle. i spent like 2hrs wit him - follow him out to buy thgs, diapers and such.. Ajak is my best fren. he went thru a lot, lately. work and such. w'pun aku tak la nak settle kan his problem, but it is a t/jwb for me to be around, esp when needs me.


done wit all dat, aku drive home. eyes on the road - wit mind flyin, floating all over. i was thinkin about a lot of thang - and one of it was the so-called ujian Allah Taala - senang seblm susah, sihat seblm sakit.. Allah tak jatuhkan hukuman or ujian to all, but selected ppl dat He loves even more. tgk kesbran kita, kekuatan iman kita and such. we shall never take thgs for granted, for all dat we hav now - semua nya pinjaman belaka. He can always hav everythg dat we hav.


aku teringat-ingat rupa Ijoi yg terlantar atas katil, and hardly move. and Ajak's lil gal Khaleesya.. ni hari org, ari aku - tak tau bila.


balik, aku mandi, and solat Zohor. aku tak lupa utk panjatkan doa ke hadrat Allah Taala, for the both of em - supaya cepat sembuh, and supaya thgs will get better..


i gez dis is life. its unpredictable. u never knw wat ur gonna get.












Sdr Ijoi,
time sihat..
get well, real soon.. bro!









Monday, August 15, 2011

another day..







thgs dat i've gone thru, and thgs dat i'll definitely learn well; for today -


  1. selfish is bad for health. i mean - bad for everythg.
  2. talk to someone who willing to listen to u - u cant jst go tell tales, taking ppl for granted dat they mght want to listen to u well.. u mght ended up feelin hurt.
  3. sometimes - thgs r better be kept to urself. makan hati wldnt be dat bad, sometimes.
  4. never hav a high expectation in anythg at all. if thg goes well, alhamdulillah. but if its not - perhaps ada hikmah la..
  5. stop hoping for somethg u dun really sure of.


everyday, is a new day. sometimes, we left all those petty thgs unattended, thinkin dat they r nthg at all.


but u never knw, they mght left u sort of big impact - if u pick em up, and learn thgs well.








..








i dun knw if i can yell any louder
how many time i've kicked u outta ere?
or said s'thg insulting?

i can be so mean when i wanna be
i am capable of doin anythg
i can cut u into pieces
- but my heart is, broken


how did i become so obnoxious?
wat is it wit u dat makes me act like dis?
i've never been dis nasty.


cant u tell dat dis is all jst a contest?
the one dat wins will be the one
dat hits the hardest.



~pink~










i love u.. *puke*













lets talk about love.
gtewww..





i am not good at it. but i learn thgs as well. i am still do - yet, i believe theres nthg wrong to share coupla thgs wit u guys, too aye?


'i love u'. its a powerful 3 words, hell yeah. u say it like everyday, perhaps. u say it to someone special dat means a lot to u. or maybe too - u hardly say it out for u choose some sort of exclusivity - u say it when u really mean it well. or perhaps - u never say it pun, for u never believe in one.. errmmm


altho many ppl use dis phrase loosely, cliche-ly - there r times when u want to say 'i love u' in a meaningful way. whether ur professing ur love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or fren - darn it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to u. but by keepin teh following suggestions i summed up, in mind - i hope ur love will not only be understood - but it will also be welcomed and returned, hell yeah!


  1. define love - if u knw wat it means, the phrase itself will is way darn powerful, and wat loving someone means to u. u hav to knw wat does it means between love, lust and infatuation. and flirt as well. and make sure its genuine love dat u feel for dis person.
  2. make it special, la bro!.. - for many ppl, dropping the "i" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as at the end of the sms (eg; u take care.. love u!). using the full phrase can be reserved for more intimate moments u-knw-wat-i-mean.
  3. make eye contact - gaze into their eyes when u express ur feelings. it shows ur sincerity and communicates trust. trust me - the amount u can say 'i love u' wit ur eyes, is astonishing.
  4. say it at an appropriate tone - not much bckground noise? keep the volume low. whisper it well - lips to the ear. i mean - it depends on ur loved one's personality, and ur own personality. some will find it terribly romantic to be told they r loved across a room full of ppl, others may find it mortifying.
  5. smile - say it, like u mean it. and dun expect the phrase in return. ut intention can be to tell the person how u feel, wit the hope of making em happy and showing em dat they r valued. its unconditional love, dumb-ass. u knw wat i am sayin. love means not demanding anythg in return. so smile. and perhaps, giv ur loved one a hug. if theu love u too - darn they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.
  6. love - dun jst say it. dun jst say it like 44 times a day and make it bloody cheap. a relationship is defined by actions, not jst words - dats wat i learn recently. instead - show em dat u really do love em. saying 'i love u' w/o showing it is, in a way, is a lie. express ur love in action, as well as in words. mean wat ur sayin. appreciate em well. stop doin thgs dat will make thgs sour in between u both. dun go playin wit the trust, for u never knw how bad its gonna be on u. say sorry if u knw it is ur mistake. above all - jst put urself in their shoes - and u'll knw how it is.
  7. dun wait for him/her to say the 3 magical words - jst blurt it out, wit respect obviously. if u love someone - jst tell him/her. go to hell wit ur ego, dat will lead u to no where!
  8. jst b'coz u really like someone doesnt mean u hav to say 'i love u'! - trust me, if u say it too quickly, the other person may not feel the same and u may end up gettin hurt.


my plain two cents. take it, or leave it. not sayin all the above btol 100%, but at least - dats wat yg aku lalu, and dats wat yg aku learn.


those 3 words r miracle. so make it worth of sayin.




---


jiwang ke aku? hahaha.. sharing is caring, kan? :-)











Sunday, August 14, 2011

fly kite!









fianlly aku reached home. anta mak, kak ngah and few minimons - aku pecut terus ke Selama wit Kimi the mon-mon. cadang nak isi minyak je, tp tup-tu aku dah smpai Sungai Bayor - tempat aku first posting dulu. nothg in particular pun sebab kan aku headed up there, cuma lama aku tak tgk klinik kesihatan tempat aku first kerja dulu.. the clinic was big now, byk bangunan baru in fact. aku lalu je dpn - its noon, and its Sunday. u dun expect seein ppl walkin around in the clinic's compound pun. and even if u made em to, pun - they'll hav a long face which u can sangkut baldi on it. i've worked there - i knw how it is.


singgah pekan Sg. Bayor - beli kueh2 sket for iftar nanti. to my surprised - a few of the makcik yg dok berjual kueh and sembang there, still kenal aku - w'pun initially masing2 malu nak tegur. aku first tegur one of the makcik by the name of 'mak su' (i cant remember her full name tho) - and by the time she knew dat was me - rancak je bersembang.. usual q's; kat mana skang, dah kawen ke, anak berapa, tak nak pindah balik sini ke (err..). and a few dis and dat regarding new staff there at the klinik kesihatan. aku dengar je lar.. driving back - aku senyum sorg2. its been like 11 thn since aku kuar pindah dari the klinik. and havin some ppl still remember u by name was like - damn.. i was like, 'can i cry now?' kinda thang.


---


somethg is goin on. kinda surprise, but aku well expected such thang.


dis aint somethg new pun, as some ppl mght said.






happy Sun-day!












wats the story,
Sunday morning glory..





beautiful Sunday morning. woke up early after done wit Subuh and sahur, i cldnt crash no more. mak ajak pi melawat mak long in Taiping, which aku jst go nod my head instantly wit out any hesitation - God i need some distraction, really. she wants to go for a bit of raya shopping, and so do Soleh. kak ngah and minimons r goin too - so we r movin in 2 cars, insyaAllah.


too many thgs marchin up my head, i cldnt sleep well pun semlm. thanks for all the bulshait in my head - tryin so hard to put em aside, but i jst cant.


better get goin. hoping u guys hav a blast, meaningful Sunday.


see u, when i see u!










Saturday, August 13, 2011

life, today..











life is..




life is like the lil decisions u make every day. decisions of the past hav had their effect, but every new day can be a new start. no matter wat has happened up till now, u hav a chance to make the right decisions, today.



dun waste time reliving the pain of past mistakes and wrong decisions. dat only saps ur ower to do wat u can do today. u cant change the past, but the future is wat u make it - starting right now; so take full advantage of the present.



learn from past mistakes and put em behind u today. forgive those who wronged u and ask forgiveness from those u hav wronged. and if they dun giv it a shait about it, while u've tried - move on and leave those lame behind - they r not a worth shait to deal wit. dat probably wont be easy, but dun put it off; do it today. look up for Him and His words for fresh courage and hope, starting today.


wit Allah's help, ur future can be filled wit wonderful accomplishment and fulfillment dat will more than make up for past disappointments - and it all starts today.






at kampung, vol. 1













Soleh, Kimi and
Hazwan..








kak ngah buat
kek cekelat.. my fav!!






awal pg lagik aku dah bangun since aku was tryin so hard to take sort called nap lepas Subuh, tp sekejap je bley lena.. all dis minimons awal2 pagi lagik dah gegar2 pintu panggil 'pak long! pak long!!' bagai. bergegar paler otak aku rasanya. so aku capai tuala, mandi and lepak2 wit hp in my hand - mobile internet. damn it was so early - 8am somethg, aku dah terkulat2 tgk budak2 neh meloncat2 mcm dpt belacan. tensi aku.


mak ajak pi market. i mean - wet market. she knew i wasnt keen of doin so - but dia ajak jgk wit smile on her face. aku gigih la tukar baju and ikut her - w'pun kalo aku were given a choice, sah2 aku tak nak.. for some reason - aku mmg mls nak ke wet market. heh. tp sekali sekala jumpak mak, layan mak - aku ikut je la.. i knw she'd love to spend time wit me; alone. last2, bukan pi market je.. terus lepas pi Selama pi beli barang and such.


around noon, aku still kat Selama, kiri kanan tgn penuh beg plastik. and aku rasa nak pitam. hahaha..


angah buat kek choc moist utk berbuka. so awal2 lagik dia dah warning not to go to param and get more kueh mueh. mak masak few of my fav dishes - bubur lambuk, bayam masak tumis, ikan sardin masak cabai and a few more. menggegel aku time the whole rumah bau mak menumis kat dapur.. aku never feel so hungry like dis, God sake. and suddenly - w'pun aku dah jemu; aku had dis urge to hav air tebu (again) for berbuka.. heh. gotta make Soleh go to param and get the air tebu soon.


all dis minimonsters - Kimi, Hazwan tak abes2 melonchat tak ingat tanah. cakap puasa. tp melonchat ngalahkan Faiznur Miskin. and sket2 mandi. sket2 mandi. i gez dats the rahsia la kot, eh? ermmm.. aku pernah kechik, so aku tau lah! hahaha.. Haziq, Damia, Hasif and Sarah sah2 la tak poser, and they were like rocking the house like nbdy biz.


aku poser2 neh, time2 lembik mcm ni - nampak kecik je sekor2. tadi aku nak nap jap lps Zohor, dorang dtg shuffle atas katil mcm pagi tadi. aku naik suara sket, berterabur pakai lari keluar. tp lps 5 minit, pakat2 atas katil balik.. huargkhhh.. kurus puasa aku weh!











Friday, August 12, 2011

wonderful, happens!









only once in ur life, i truly believe u'll find someone who can completely turn ur world around. u tell em thgs dat u've never shared wit another soul and they absorb everythg u say - and actually, want to hear more. u share hopes for the future, dreams dat will never come true, goals dat were never achieved and many disappointments life has thrown to u.


when somethg wonderful happens, u cant wait to tell em about it, knwg they will share in ur excitement. they r not embarrassed to cry when ur hurtin or laugh wit u when u make a fool of urself. never do they hurt ur feelins or make u feel like ur not good enuff, but rather they build u up and show u the thgs about urself. dat make u special enuff, and even beautiful.



there is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they r around. u cna be urself and not worry about wat they will think of u b'coz they love u for who ur.


the thgs dat seem insignificant to most ppl such as note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in ur heart to cherish forever. colors seem brighter and more brilliant. laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or din exist at all. a phone call or two during the day helps to get u thru a long day's at work and always brings a smile to ur face. in their presence theres no need for continuous conversation, but u find ur quite content in jst havin em nearby, thgs dat never interested u before become fascinating b'coz u knw they r important to dsi person who is so special to u. u think dis person on every occasion and in everythg u do. simple thgs like jokes, phrases bring em to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even storm cloud on the horizon.



u open ur heart knwg dat theres a chance it may be broken one day and in opening ur heart - u experience a love and joy dat u never dreamed possible. u find dat bein vulnerable is the only way to allow ur heart to feel true pleasure dats so real it scares u. u find strength in knwg u hav a true fren and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.


life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile, ur only hope and security is in knwg dat they r a part of ur life. at least - dats how i can relate thgs.


and at least - dats how i feel, God sake!



---



hav a pleasant weekend, fellas! i off heading for mak abah's.. :-)

















Wednesday, August 10, 2011

its Wetnesday!









awal aku terjaga for sahur today. turun dapur - get wat i shld get, dis and dat - and aku naik atas mandi, solat and ere i am. i feel like crashing jap for a lil while - kejap lagi la kot..


theres so many thgs in my head - i am kinda tired of havin it marching up my mind, and i am tired, too - to jot it in ere, where i hardly lay em down in real words pun. aku bersyukur dgn kurniaan Allah Taala - all the thgs in my life - tho sometimes i am goin thru tuff time and such, but i am glad as it is. i've learn a lot thru it all, and i am still do. life is a learning process - damn i cldnt agree more.


btw - selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa.













Monday, August 8, 2011

ramadhan - 8th.











finally aku reached home - alhamdulillah, around 8.15pm. terus ke dapor - cari pe patot for i need to break my fast, properly. lebam idung2 kena korek since tak bley benti mana2 nak makan minum, ujan lebat Ya Rabbana. and dpt plak driver - ermm, nak ckp lbey2 pun payah. its bulan puasa.. dah dpt org tolong drive kan kita pi sana sini pun dah cukup baik.. tp betol - aku saiko sgt rasa. naik je kete, pegang stering terus mata kuyu.. kero bijik2 mata since ngantuk. since mengantuk - drive pun slow giler.. ujan lebat giler. isk, aku tak lena even sesaat pun all the way pi, and all the way back. next time aku meeting ke haper, and kalo ada driver to drive me - aku need to see Kak Ton and request for a better one.. haishh.


air tebu for berbuka.. heaven. kueh2 sket and dats it la. aku tak brp selera la plak ari ni.


meeting kat KSKB Sg Buloh - as expected. aku thanked God since dah dlm committee, senang buat keje. theres a few differences i cld see between staff KSKB Sg Buloh and KSKB Ulu Kinta. we in ere - we prefer to volunteer in doing thgs, if we r capable of doin so. if its in our speciality. but apa yg aku tgk tadi - sian Pengarah terpaksa kena paksa and named ppl for works. erm, dtas paksa rela, i shall say. i gez budaya kerja la kot.. different.


managed to talk to Pinkie, after like a long time. it is nice to hear of her - her story and shared coupla thgs wit her. as u knw, dis is not the first time i mentioned Pinkie in my entries. i hav her 'Pinkie' all over. she's a one gal fren yg aku can relate to, talk to like on everythg under the sun. and she never judge me.. i thanked, God. again.


---


i am no good. i am plain human being - flesh and blood. i am not as good as u mght think - judging from my writing. no, i am not. i am as plain as others. i do mistakes. i take a wrong turn like most of the time in life. i am man - wit ego. and lust. but again - i am a man, too - wit pride and dignity. i learn my lesson well. i refused to be hurt, and i refused to hurt anyone at all. yet i aint an angel - i break the rules,most of the time.


but i am learning. i pick thgs along the path i went thru in life. and i learn thgs. it aint fair to judge me for mistakes i've done way before, for i mght not be the same - like before. i knw i am changing. i knw i'm evolving. and its for betterment. for i am learning.


God knws how i wish i cld turn back the time - so i can mend thgs well.


but u knw, i knw its sucha bulshait. and dat'll never happen, pun.











Sunday, August 7, 2011

a c h e.














i keep telling myself dis -



"i hav found dat its a good thang to go thru heartache at one point or another in yr lifetime. not the petty - childhood heartache, but the horrible kind we've experienced. u see - when u get to the healing part of dis - u'll hav so much love to share wit someone. u'll be able to appreciate someone in ways even u cannot understand. u'll be so much stronger then u were before. i knw how much dis sucks right now and i knw it seems unfair - but when its all said and done wit, ddis will all make sense. all the shait ur goin thru at dis moment will eventually teach u some of the greatest lessons in life - u will ever need to learn..".


i am a fool one time. and u knw i dun want to be another, again.




---




btw - dis is my 2,000th entry. after all dis years.


gnite.







nothg at all.














i've been making a list of the thgs they dun teach u at school.


they dun teach u how to love someone. they dun teach u how to be famous. they dun teach u how to be rich or how to be poor. they dun teach u how to stay away from someone who use u. they dun teach u how to walk away from someone u dun love any longer. they dun teach u how to knw wats goin on in someone else's mind. they dun teach u how to gain someone else's trust in u - when there were none to begin wit. they dun teach u wat to say to someone whos dyin. they dun teach u anythg worth knwing. they dun teach u most of the thg.










Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Seremban.









second day of editing soalan, katanya. katanya - since dlm surat is 'pemurnian', which is editing lah.. tp the fact is - we r gathering in ere, untuk bila item.. it is soalan. kerjis tak? so berasap lah kepala-kepala lecturer neh, muncung mulut sekor bley gantung baldi etc. aku pun tensi - dah la bwk lappy and thumb drive je.. wit few buku rujukan je.. sah2 la nak sawan berbuih molot. tp kalo sawan.. bley bukak puasa eh? hehe


Seremban - nthg new pun. i mean - i was in ere ages ack. basically its still the same. by 8pm, sumer dah tutup mcm kena langgar garuda. aku nak bukak puasa pun payah - param mmg ada, tp payah la plak nak beli2 lauk nasik bagai and berbuka di hotel. aku prefer kedai mkn where aku bley bukak puasa properly. tp payah sgt nak jumpak. or maybe lah - aku yg tak pandai cari.. Isa ckp kat Ampangan byk kedai mkn, tp tak terfikir plak nak merayau smpai sana. so first day aku kat sini - last Monday (dat is the first dat berpuasa) - aku, Mr Nazri and Mr Liang berbuka puasa kat KFC tgh2 pekan Seremban tu je. sdey la.. semlm - berbuka di rumah Nazmir - since dia je2 jemput. aku pun dah lama tak jumpak his dad.. had a great time, lots of food, indeed. and had a terrible experience jugak - time pi param Stadium Paroi - rata2 aku tgk mknan yg dorang jual; mahal giler. msk lemak dgg rm2 sesenduk kecik. isk. tak faham aku. sah2 la btol bila org ckp niaga bulan puasa sebulan je - cover untung sethn. heh.


and ari ni - aku hav no plan as yet. perhaps i jst wanna hav time on my own la kot, or join the seniors.









Monday, August 1, 2011

Salam Ramadhan!









assalamualaikum. hi guys!!



fuhhh! dah lama aku tak drop anythg in ere. lama, tak la lama sgt, eh? i gez i was kinda occupied wit thgs, alrite - classes, and such. i mean - all the usual thang. mmg tiap2 semester mcm ni - awal2 sem while lect lain goyong2 pinggul ala Inul, aku tunggang langgang terkejar ke sana ke mari wit all such. insyaAllah, lepas budak2 ni formatif - aku free la sikit. tambah2 plak budak2 yg posting klinikal skang mcm.. isk, aku ckp kurang pahala plak kang. baru first batch - dah kena panggil dgn aku like so many times. aku pantang kalo ada LP yg call aku ckp stdnts aku dis and dat - sah2 aku tak lepas sekor2.


owh - btw, Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa! today is the first day.. bulan ramadhan is a bonus for all of us. and for those yg tau utk mengimarahkan the bulan properly - berlipat kali ganda Allah akan kurniakan balasan, insyaAllah. puasa bukan sekdr berlapar dahaga - setakat lapar dahaga, aku yer mini-me-mon Damia pun bley buat. tp, puasa is more than jst dat. membersih diri, hati dan segala bagai - supaya amalan kita di terima Nya, insyaAllah. btw - aku set a few azam for dis Ramadhan - terawih aku nak full, insyaAllah. and aku try to 'upgrade' sket amalan apa yg patut - esp lepas sahur - aku akan cuba tak nak tido. instead - aku will do wat aku used to do few yrs back, yg skang due to many reasons yg tak masuk akal - aku stop doin it.. :-(



kelas and clinical teaching time bulan puasa ni mmg byk cbran nya. budak2 tergelincir je sket matahari dah pakat2 ngantok. they easily get distracted. less attention span. not dat bcoz of the puasa - tp msg2 nyer attitude; mls nak bangun sahur.



aku dah siap packing. the besg-besar-beg-kecik-beg-besar-beg-kecik issue selesai by itself. aku bwk pe yg patut je. bulan2 poser ni nak rayau pi mana? heh. aku will be in Seremban up till end of the week.. for permurnian soklan budak2 neh. it where all the lecturers from all place, put the **ses down, and masg2 tunjuk ego masing2 yg 'aku btol, ko tak btol' kinda thang.. aiyoh, bosan. as usual, aku will do my own thang. submit. off aku balik lak. ckp byk keje tak buat pun tka guna.. and err, aku will be goin wit Mr Liang and errrrr, Mr Nazri my senior. erm, think i shall reserve my komen la kot.. kang kurang pahala. but if u read my previous enntries, if u noticed aboout those names - then u knw wat i mean. awal2 lagik aku dah ckp - aku nak dok sorang! hoho.. mls aku nak byk2 fikir.


they shld be in at anytime at all. if u see me writing after dis - i mght be in Seremban alrdy!


Selamat Berpuasa, ppl. and selamat beribadat, as well.