Saturday, April 30, 2011

i'm ur angel.








went thru my cds collection tonite - found out coupla nice one, including some of Celine Dion.. i put em on, listening and smiling to myself. each song has their own sweet memories. the good and the bad ones.


i fall in love wit dis song, again. I'm Your Angel. feat R Kelly. the lyrics r beautiful. the vocals r superb. try search on YouTube and listen to it. u knw then, wat i mean.






I'm Your Angel
Celine Dion feat R Kelly



No mountain's too high for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No river's too wide for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray

And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears, cast them on me
I just want you to see

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel, I'm your angel

I saw your teardrops and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It don't have to be this way, let me show you a better day

And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see?

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel, I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep us safe and warm
And I know we will survive

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I'm your angel








turn back time? in ur dream.








i woke up early dis morning, wit a nice feeling in me. these past few weeks hav been a drag for me - but lately, i am starting to feel better again. and my heart feels a lot lighter.


there r quite a few thgs i realized recently. for one thg, i realized dat life is too precious t spend feeling sorry for myself, or to constantly ponder on thgs dat i dun hav the power to change anyway. i realized dat s'times, s'thg will spiral out of control, and even tho i never really expected it to happen, i'll jst see it unraveling bfore my very eyes, and i cant do anythg to stop it. i realized dat even tho there r some thgs dat i wished i cld've done differently, its no use agonizing over it, b'coz its alrdy happened.


i've been thru a lot in life, i think. i've made a lot of choices. lot of mistakes. but i've pushed thru somehow - wit Allah's willing, of course. i've been thru a lot of pain and heartaches, headaches - but i've also experienced love, happiness, and joy along wit the not-so-good thgs. and those wee the moments dat i wldnt trade fo anythg, at all.


today, i realized dat even if i were given a chance to go back, if i cld turn back time - i wld be willing to go thru em again. i mght hav a few regrets, but i wldnt change a thang. i am who i am now, b'coz of wat i've been thru. at the end of the day - wats really important is dat i've learned my lessons well and i cld move on wit my life armed wit those lessons, and become a better person - b'coz of em.


most ppl hav so many regret dat if only they cld turn back time, they wld change a lot f thgs. but i think - as for me thinking about it now, even if i hav to go thru all the 'bad thgs' again to experience the good - i think i most definitely wld. it mght sound some kinda masochistic to some - but life isnt jst all about the beautiful thgs. and u knw about dat well, yeah. we hav to experience the bad, to appreciate the good. after all - they r both part of life, aye?


i knw those wonderful memories will only be in the past now. but i'll be lookin back at em all wit smiles, and i definitely will treasure those memories - forever.


heh.





hug me..






hug me..
a n y o n e ?





when was the last time u hugged s'one, and really meant it?


oftentimes, we take for granted the 'power of hug'. its s'thg dat is free, but we dun giv it a damn and dun giv it out often enuff. hugs hav been increasingly diminishing in frequency these days, ppl dun really hav a second chance to spare to hug s'one they love anymore. dis is so sad, i think - b'coz as for me - hug can really do so much. it can ease a person's suffering, it can soothe a person's feeling, it can make a person feel loved and cared, and special. it can calm a person's fears - and the list goes on! i cant tell u enuff how beneficial a hug can be if given, sincerely.


most ppl limit their hugs only to a partner, or a wife/husband. but when was the last time u hugged a fren, or a fmly member for dat matter? come to think of it - if u havent hugged any.. u shld be scared now.


but its never too late, u knw. a hug is a powerful way of showing affection, and ppl always need affectin (even tho s'times they r not willing to admit it). maybe ur not used to hugging, or simply u dun wanna be seen as a weak. or a sentimental freak. heh. dats alrite. but u'll be surprised at wat a hug can accomplish. t'm not talkin about a fake or superficial hug dat is forced and has no emotions behind it. i am talking about the kind of hug dat can be felt not just physically, but emotionally. not only will the recipient feel its effect, u'll feel em too! and darn - it feels good to receive a sincere hug!


so - go hug a loved one, today. and do it sincerely. and often. u never knw if ur gonna get the chance of doin dat, trow. and - of coz; never underestimate the power of a hug.


hav a pleasant long weekend, ppl!










Friday, April 29, 2011

appreciate!







sometimes in life - we human being; we never knw how to appreciate thgs. until the thg dat u hav slip away, went away - for good; only then u knw how it is for u. how good it is, for u - God sake. we human being, we tend to look for more. we crave for more. we go seeking for the very best - putting thgs dat in ur hand, at risk.


no - i dun mean dat u hav to stay stagnant and thanking God for wat u hav. and u dun hav to change. or u dun hav to strive in life for the betterment. no i dun mean dat.. wat i am tryin to say is - the ability in us to appreciate thgs while we hav em in our hands - and never let em slip away. for we never knw how its gonna be in the future.


as for me - i thank God for wat i hav now. its the best thg in life, God sake.


dammit, i am so blessed. and i wont go askin for more.


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

empty-headed.













birdie on yr head..
eh?







yeap yeap - dun look at me like dat. i knw its kinda early for a guy like me to do the blog updating kinda stuff. but i did dat like most of the day, remember? so dat aint biggie, i think.


crashed my Mumuland around 11.30pm. i was dead sleepy, really. had my like 5 hrs sleep, by 4.30am aku dah wide awake. heh - be it. aku bgun solat tahjud/hajat.. and continued doin my golek2. baju dah iron. and it was way darn early to mandi and siap2 pun. giler pe? so aku went downstairs, made myself a regular-daily big mug of Nescafe, a bit of oats. and gulped me all down, rite away. wit all those hideous tablets.


7.15am - aku dah kat canteen. sedap plak nasik lemak Kak Ton CC beli kan aku semlm. she said she bought it kat kantin hospital. so i was there - wondering around, scratching my non-itchy bald head - looking for the rite nasik lemak. damn - theres so many nasik lemak, i jst dun knw which is which. shait. aku shldve jst mintak tolong Kak Ton the fat CC to buy for me je senang.. and gez wat? aku got it wrong. Kak Ton said 'bukan nasik lemak ni lah! yg ni tak sedap..'. and aku was like.. fcuk.


went thru my schedule. no classes, no clinical teaching. wow. for the first time. like, err.. most of the days? heh. no lah. i mean - aku hav coupla thgs to do - pre-clinical schedule budak2 neh, and few thgs regarding dorg nyer sumatif aku need to look into. and trow - 3hrs of teaching on PHC Post Basic class on Wellness Intervention; Stop Smoking Counseling.


kinda numb. sleepy. i had nthg in my head.


damn i think i left my brain back home. shait. owh, btw - morning peeps!












Tuesday, April 26, 2011

hope?








dear whom-dis-may-concern;




"after everythg, after all dat - after all we've went thru - ur still ere, i am still alive, and we r even closer. i cant seem to make out y on earth is dat i need u. but i do. but why u? out of everyone i've ever had. u've hurt me before. we've hurt one another. but its u, still.


maybe its b'coz i see the silver lining tracing the clouds dat reflect in ur eyes. maybe ur smile - it melts me away, jst like dat. maybe u 'sickening' part - i gez dats the best trait, and i fall for it. and those eyes - those eyes dat shine above the rest. the ones dat never change thier reflection. even in the darkest of times - i can still see it well. those eyes - ur eyes, giv me the same hope i see in u everyday. every early in the morn., when i am struggling to start my day. and those smiles - they jst make me happy. i dun hav words to describe it.


if u lose hope, i lose it too. pls dun giv up on me. i've watched so many ppl walk in and away from my life - but u - u remained ere beside me. laughing, make me happy. smiling, cryin, screaming, sharing thgs, tots and many more..


u've been thru it all. u see - while everyone is walking out, i'll be the one person - the only person, dat stays. i am not letting u go. never. and i am not goin anywhere, God sake.."




---



gnite.











shyte!





ooo..
i am scared shyte!







i feel like suffocate je pakai baju kemas2 ari neh. wit tie on properly bagai. wit name-tag. argkhh.. not dat aku tak pakai mcm ni hari2. tp hari neh kena extra sket. damn aku nyer teaching will being observed by the big-shoot. nthg biggie, aku tau - not my first time pun. tp ari neh - shyte.. y is it aku rasa theres like butterlies in my tummy? no no.. they aint butterflies. mommoth, perhaps? shyte.


shyte. aku jst realized theres too many 'shyte' in dis post. shyte. again.



gotta go. nature call. nanti terkencit plak kang. heh!














do not blame fate.











salam. and g'morn., peeps!




hav u heard about the Law of Attraction? nothg biggie really. u need not to go throwing fit, if u dunno dat. i cant remember where did i read it, but it sticks in my mind alrite. and i think i'd like to share it wit u..


the Law of Attraction is simply dat like attracts like, and we attract to ourselves those conditions - which harmonize wit and form the objective counterpart to our internal thinkin. we cannot blame fate - never. we cant blame luck, we cannot blame chances, let alone blaming to ohers, and we cannot blame thgs for wat we r and where we r. we can - in the ultimate analysis, only come back to the first cause - which is the character of out tots.


it is a hard medicine to accept dat b'coz its so much easier to get a scape-goat and say, 'all my misfortune is due to dis circumstances, to dis and dat person, to dis and dat thang..'. owh dammit - it is so nice to blame it all on someone, or sthg else. u knw wat i mean.


as for me - its easy. i dun believe in co-incidence. but i do, in fate.


hav a gr8 Twos-day!












Monday, April 25, 2011

i aint manic. Monday, is.










i had a long drive today. and a long day too. usual thang, usual routine. i stopped havin kinda high expectation - way back then. and i remember goin there wit nthg in my head - i was numb all the way. it aint a good day for me today. but then - i managed to pull thru, alhamdulillah. started the day wit someone mad and pissed off at me. i had most of the thgs i need to be done - alrite. till i received a call - a reminder, remind me s'thg yg aku malas nak fikir. but i had no choices to choose. and i decided to jst go wit the flow.


i rushed thru thgs. for i need to get back home by 6pm. ths r like usual, but kinda different from the usual. they told me to hold on - there cld be sthg good in my way. i was thrilled. but jst for a while. i remember i went thru dis like coupla time - and i ended running in circle. same old shyte. i wld tell u lie if i had no hope on dis, at all. it'd be sucha white lies, really. but i keep it low. i prefer not to think about it. but i'll pray - God sake. i jst need more time.


---


Mr Bong will observe my teaching trow. i am fine wit it. dis is not the first time, really. but his decision to bring like 3 junior lecturers inside my class - damn i wish i cld say no. but then - he told me dat i am doin great in handling my P&P - he loves the way i teach the boys/gals, and i hav no reason to feel uneasy wit the juniors..


well at least dat made my day. gosh i need to read a bit. heh.







hint from nature..






quit? life?







y shld u quit? they say quitters never win. but u cant win like all the time, aye? so? y shld u say to urself 'i am beaten and ere i stay'? it is up to u to hang on, refusing defiantly to be kept down. as all - in dis life, if there were no defeats - there wld be no victories.


u hav to look around u. watch nature at work, in the garden, in the park, field, or hedgerow. there u see the urge to win, to climb, demonstrated clearly. there u see common plants dat in the struggle refuse to quit. if they r beaten down, then they creep and crawl, if need be under ground, to life and light.


u see it everywhere - dis urge to win. to survive. and yet u wanna quit?


take a lesson from life around us. refuse to be a quitter and fight and build to health, expansion and usefulness. for only if u r useful in however indirect and small a way can u acquire even a small success and satisfaction.


trust me - u, and me - all of us; we possess enormous spiritual re-sources. so dun be scared. theres no use of being one. draw on em. be a winner - not a quitter.


after all - lifes like dat.















..








Ya Allah;


i am kinda bz today - but i knew i needed to stop for a while and talk to You before i keep rushin into my day. forgive me for bein too aggressive at times, in thgs - and rushin into thgs dat i never brought You in my prayer. i've done so many stupid thgs and i've made so many wrong decisions; yet You hav kept Your bless upon me. i am so thankful for dat. Alhamdulillah.


now purge my agenda today. take out of my life those who break my focus off. keep my away from all the haters, all the hatred. bring into my life all the dreams wit in of me. protect me. talk to me. show me the way whenever i feel lost and empty. keep Your blessing around me every hr of dis day - all days thru out my life. i shall embrace Your wisdom every single day secs.


Ya Allah - show me the way. and gimme strength.


amin.







morning!









its about time when u hav to let go those who makes u feel worthless, useless and make use of u for their own sake, and soak up the rays of those who make u feel like a million bucks. u hav to fine someone whos the best possible person for urself, and who makes u feel darn amazing. i knw how it feels. dammit - i knw how it feels. it mght be hard for u to let go - but then; u always do hav choices - to appreciate ppl around u who loves u for wat ur in no matter at all, or u to go ga ga over someone who only knws wats best for him/her.


its not about the looks. its not about the money. and yeah - its not about pickup lines.


dis time - its about how u heart feels. how u feel. and how u want to feel.


hav a great days ahead, peeps! and happy Moan-Day!













Friday, April 22, 2011

stormy storm.




storm?




u knw it better - no darkness, no storm last forever. they jst enuff to cloud ur view and make u forget wat its like to see the beautiful sun. trust me - we hav to learn dat we can always find peace in confusion, hope in despair, and dat God is still there for us - all the time; even in the ruins.


and dat jst accepting the fact dat we r cared, dat we r loved - shld be jst enuff.


hav a pleasant weekend, guys!








Thursday, April 21, 2011

let go!






jst let go..
and move on!








hav u ever reminisced on s'thg in the past - thinking of every possible way u cld hav changed it, made it last - like forever, made it work? u spend ur days waking up - thinking about it; goin thru ur day thinking about it, and goin to the bed thinking about it - hoping and preying dat it'll come back? darn nthg last forever! and dats the fact.


we got thru our lives thinking about yesterday and not today. ur in denial - heart aching and regretting. we're young, we r reckless and we r alive. we make mistakes, we lose ppl dat we love along the way and still - dats jst the way life works. life's jst like dat!


letting go isnt weak or giving up. letting go is growing up.






g'morn!



cant sleep last nite. at 2.30am - aku still tossing up and down, tryin to figure out wat the hell is wrong wit me dat i jst cant put m mind to a rest - instead of it goes running, marching all over places. i keep staring into the darkness, i am not sure of wat i am thinkin of. the silence around me - damn it was so spooky.


so aku woke up - aku did some readin. i din find any reason to stay still in bed while i knw i jst cant close my eyes and sail to the MumuLand like everybdy did. and thank God, by 5am - aku started to yawn.. and 6.15am - aku dah bgun siap for Subuh, and siap2 nak off for work.


i am goin to drive str8 to KK Parit, Then KK Beruas and the last one is KK Pantai Remis. kinda distance away, i knw. the tot of bein away from the office thrills me - but again, to drive alone is s'thg else. ermm..


---


i've made up my mind. and i wont turn back God sake.






Wednesday, April 20, 2011

bloody Wednesday.







reached home by 3am last nite - aku cuma hav like 1.5hrs of sleeping, before the alarm screamed shyte out at 6am. done wit Subuh - iron baju keje and siap2 - the dizziness, tiredness and a bit of body aching was like all in me; making me kinda confused - shld i or not proceed and head to work. but eventually - i did.


i shldve off for Pantai Remis, Beruas and Parit dis morning - when only then i realized aku had like a few meetings to attend. 2 of em, initially - when the bloody big-shoot suddenly called up for another 2 more - since he wont be around for coming coupla days. aku ended up sitting in 5 meetings, all together - in a day. and u call dat as a bloody freakin productive day? kiss my arse.


the so-called meetings, as usually - they aint meetins after all; they r more likely mcm briefing je. u knw wat i mean. a place where u can find others' faults, a place where u can show off like 'see wat i've done - ur a silly asre for u cant do thgs like me', somethg like dat. u hav to hav ur arse sit down and listen to all kinda shyte, big-shoots being too big for their own bloody boots, and making up all these small petty thgs turned out to be damn fcukin gigantic - u started to puke all over places. i am sorry - i believe in less talk, and do work more. all dis silly so-called meetings r useless. unless ur kinda moron idealistic - thinkin high and u dun even knw how to put em all into reality. i gez - the higher jawatan ko, the idiot ur. the higher jawatan kot
- the higher ur aiming for; u start to forget about the ground ur standing on.


by 4.30pm - aku was so tired. mentally exhausted. all dis minit mesyuarat aku jst left em all on the meja kat bilik aku, jst like dat. nanti2 la aku tgk balik. aku jst hav one thg in mind - i wanna walk out from the office, and sweat my tense out. and i did. at the end of it - aku felt kinda breathless, yet satisfied.


---


it aint kinda good thang for me - for the past coupla days. many shyte happens, aku was tested, again. all dis left me searching for where i really am - standing for. i wanna be real. and i wanna thgs around me - to be real as well. i need no shyte. i hav no time for one, God sake.


i am easily get tired wit so many thgs lately. and i mght giving up at any time at all.





Tuesday, April 19, 2011

when ur in love..









when u love someone, u gotta make it worth of loving. love him/her wit all ur heart. and make sure u let the respective person knw - dat u do love him/her ur heart out. say it out loud. every now and then - for u never knw if u'll get the chance of doin dat again - by the sun goes up, trow. go make it, say it as much as u can - it'd sound cliche - but who cares? ur in love. and dats all dat matters.


when ur in love - despite sayin it too much; u gotta behave like one. behave like u do love him/her so much - dat nthg can come in between. s'times - u can say it out like thousand times - but when ur not behaving like one; words will always be jst words - and dat aint mean anythg at all. say dat u love him/her - and make sure it appropriately goes along well, wit ur action. remember? ppl say action speaks louder than words - i bet u knw wat dat means. but then again - if its jst actions - wit no words; for me - it wldnt be dat nice. it has to be both - side by side. tell him/her dat u love him/her, and make sure u act accordingly to it.


when ur in love - appreciate the feeling. appreciate the person ur deeply in love wit. for u never knw how its gonna be, trow. and u never knw how'd be dat person - trow.


gnite.










Monday, April 18, 2011

..








good nite
pleasant dreams..
:-(



















r'shp, frenshp..






salam;


bila berkawan - aku jujur. mak selalu ckp - dari dulu lagi, aku selalu dulukan kwn2 aku. i mean - kwn2 yg baik dgn aku. aku btol2 believe dat 'no man is an island', and aku tak bley hidup tanpa kwn2 around me. once aku commit dlm persahabatan - i'll stick to it. i'll stand for it. i'll take care kwn2 aku dgn baik - emotionally, physically. i wont go hurting em, at all. i'd rather being hurt - rather seeing em, hurt. and becoz of dat - sometimes, ada yg amek peluang 'pijak kepala' and make use of me..


most of kwn2 aku - they knw who i am - rather than they knw wat i am. aku prefer dat way, God sake. they dun hav to knw wat kind a house i am stayin in.. wat kinda car i am driving, wat kinda fancy thgs i prefer in having. but i'll make sure dat i'll be around, i'll be there for them when they needed someone to be around them well. i dun hav to go telling the world who and wat i am capable of doin. i jst need to be there, as a fren shld.


love, frenship shld be around u wit no condition at all. at least dats wat i believe in. u hav to learn to appreciate ppl, to respect them as much as u want em all respect u back in return. u shld listen to em, listen to wat they r saying - rather then u being so damn bloody pushy and makes ppl started to leave u. the principle is easy - if u cant make urself listen to others, dun think others will do very the same, to u as well.



---



i cld sense theres somethg wrong, somewhere.. but i am not really like to speculate. u mght not telling any lies, but u never knw if ppl around u, r doin the same - to u. i jst hope thgs will be jst fine - and all my bloody hypotheses, r wrong.


gnite.





its 100!

















3y0:100ppl





i remember i dun really care about those yg follow my blog. no - again, dun get me wrong - i mean; u got the right to like and to read mine - dat if u feel like ur no longer interested, i dun mind at all. i always tell to myself dat i write thgs in ere, for my own satisfaction. its a place to vent out my feeling, anger, frustration, to share thgs wit ppl out there who cares and who read dis well - about my happiness and such.


it was on early last year when i started customize my 'dashboard' and added up 'followers'. its for fun actually. and at the same time - whether i like it or not - i must confess dat its sort of motivator; seeing the number of the followers increasing by month - so i'd write even more. and even better. i remember it started from 1 and finally up to 50 s'thg. and i was like.. 'wow, dah reader dah makin byk!' to myself. hahaha.. of course - i knw. theres nthg to much ado off, really. some blog r like havin hundreds of readers.. some r like thousands! whether they read urs or not - i gez dats s'thg else.. but the numbers is like.. damn!


and today - jap tadik - aku realized yg readers aku dah jadik 100 cukup! hohoho.. dis is fun. and dis is so nice, really. i knw 100 r like way back - tak de pe pun. tp bg aku - i shld say i am proud of myself, really. for such a blog like mine yg merepek2, penuh dgn shyte dis and shait dat - at least, i am smiling ear to ear now.


thanks for u ppl out there. its been 3yrs now dah pun dis blog.. and its has like 100 readers now! i knw the numbers mght not mean anythg at all - ppl say dat the who-read and who-appreciate it r way important, rather than the 'followers', but then again - i cld use it as a motivation to be even way better than it is, now.


thanks, to u guys out there. kalo rajin, tinggal la komen.. eh? haha









bodoh.









reached home by 6.30pm semlm - all the way from Seremban. tak singgah mana2 pun - basically sumer org (dat is aku, Mail, the stdnts) penat. naik je bus - kena aircond - sumer pakat2 flat.. smpai Tapah.


i had a great time-off there in Seremban - for the program Kelab Kebudayaan for the both colleges. the shows, the games et al - w'pun byk hick-up here and there - i gez dat wasnt matters; since stdnts yg arranged pun.. aku as pengajar pengiring je, and penyelaras kelab. it was fun to be able wats the stdnts crazy for - the K-Pop and such. and semlm - dr pg smpai around 11am - i was under the sun involved wit all the sukan rakyat; main bola in kain batik, galah panjang, bola beracun, ting-ting watsoever. and yeah - aku sun-burnt. i knw u'd go sayin 'heh, dat wldnt make u any different pun!'.. shut up. for mmg lengan aku, leher aku extra burn. mencit. but i did hav a great time - wit all the great special ppl around, great thgs comes together. and i gez i worth it well.


smpai rumah - aku flat. mandi, iron baju keje, siap pe patut.. aku dah terbungkang dpn the idiotbox - feelin kinda feverish. i had dis feelin of i need to drink more, but perut aku dah kembong dgn air.. cemaneh? and i felt like less-hydrated too. too long under the sun kot.. and sweat like a pig too. i mean - the cute one of coz. the pink one. the one dat can talk tu! yeah - the Babe. pwekk!



---










aku cepek dis from
Ghaz's. ko pun kena eh?
hohoho..





ok. lets switch mode now. into some sort serious thang, now. if u read my blog, or if ur in my FB's frens list - u mght as well havin dis idiot on urs, by the name of Malek Mohamad a.k.a Hanafi Othman (which i am sure none of em both r real). he had coupla others account as well, at least dat wat i've been told by a fren of mine. i remember he requested to be a fren coupla times - after rejected like few times - aku approved je la.. both of the account (and dammit - i wasnt knw dat its the same person!). we never say hi to one another - until last Saturday.


i was browsing the net, the FB was on as well - when he buzzed chat me - from his Malek Mohamad account. after like 5 mins chatting - thgs went different - he asked me 'saya bley urut bdn abg kalo nak - cuma rm150 je' kinda thang. and when i told him dat it aint goin to happen - since aku in Ipoh and he was not - he started to be hostile; sayin dat 'abg jgn tipu - abg kat Serdang.. saya tau'. it was kinda idiot of him - i put there in my stat as 'study in Serdang', not 'staying and working in Serdang'. i told him off nicely regarding dat - when he started to 'bg la pinjam rm150 dulu, nak byr sewa rumah' kinda thang.


aku kept my mouth shut - i've seen dis like a lot, and i hav no time to entertain such thang. i was thinking - by stayin away and not replyin to his chat - will do me good. but apparently, it is not. he started to ugut me, saying dat 'aku ada pic ko, ko akan menyesal nanti'. tersentak jap aku. giler ke, bodoh mamat neh? or both? aku thanked God for aku tak ada any futher conversation or anythg at all wit dis idiot creature. and the 'best' part is - aku was not alone yg terkena. ramai dah kwn2 aku - claimed so. the modus operandi sama - as told by frens; nak byr yuran adik skol la, rumah terkunci tak byr sewa la et al. bila org refused - he went wild, maki2 tak tentu hala, nak santau dll.


aku tak fhm. dah twice org guna pics aku in FB dorang and claimed as their own pic profile. still aku bley thn - w'pun aku mengelupur la sekejap. fake profile using my pics too - in one of the laman sosial yg 'tak sesuai', still aku ok - w'pun aku was down and ended up wit a police report. and dis - damn! aku terkejut jap. ppl said dis idiot is capable in doin thgs, good in IT as well. aku geram - bukan sebab apa - jst dat b'coz he's so idiot and bodoh. trying to gain life thru an easy way aye? peras ugut org? duh!!


aku tau he mght be everywhere. he mght be coming in - requesting for more.and damn - he's out there, alrite. jst be careful.










Saturday, April 16, 2011

whom-dis-may-concern;




















dear whom-dis-may concern;




i am sorry for the fight dat we'll get into. i am sorry i mght make u cry. i am sorry for lying - if there'll be any. i am sorry if i get jealous. i'm sorry if i act childish sometimes. i am sorry if i am a pain in the arse like most of the time. and i am sorry for everythg dat i'll do to make u unhappy. i thank u for all the smiles dat u'll bring me, all the jokes and happiness u can giv me. i thank u for being there for me when i need u the most. thank u for brightening up my day. if u make me cry - then dats ok. think i kinda used to it. but then - jst dun make dat a habit! if u hold my hand - hold it tight so dat u can make sure dat i dun slip away. or perhaps - drifted away. if u hold me - jst knw dat i wont stop smiling. i want u to knw dat if i ever do slip away - i din want to - but it was s'thg dat i cldnt help. and when i realize how stupid i was - i hope dat u still havent given up on me yet.. and i hope dat u'll be there to giv me another chance b'coz at the end of all dis - ur still the one, God sake.



if u make me cry - then dats ok. they say dat ppl arent worth ur tears, but i want u to be the one dats worth my tears. i knw dat there'll be times where i cant always make u happy. i knw dat there will be times where i wont be able to see u b'coz of so many thgs - but pls knw dat i really jst wanna be wit u right at dat moment and knw dat i jst want u to be in my arms. i'll love it when u make me laugh even if its s'thg completely absurd and stupid, a cheesy pick up line, a silly face - anythg - i'll love it.


i wont fall for any other b'coz i knw how much u'll hate me for dat - and y wld i want all the others when i hav u? i hope dat u can do the same. u dun need to shower me wit gifts and spend every money in ur pocket to hav me alive. i am not the selfish brat or materialistic type. all i want is some of the good quality time. we cld do nthg at all, we cld jst talking to one another all day and i'll be more than satisfied.


wit all dat - i hope u understand. hav a pleasant day ahead!





---




hows dat? heh.











Friday, April 15, 2011

life!






live life!






as ur readin dis - ur life's getting shorter. and its tickin away. i'm not sayin dis to frighten u - or even to scare u. tho it may. i gez i am sayin dis - to awaken u. and inspire u. to perhaps - rise u out from u deep slumber. to really knw dat u wont live forever. and appreciate the time dat ur havin, rite in ur palm.


so better start living. for u never knw how beautiful life is, till u knw it has to end!








Thursday, April 14, 2011

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

3yrs now!





dah 3 tahun!






pejam celik pejam celik - lagi few days to come; dis blog of mine dah berusia 3 tahun 1 bulan! argkh, stupid me for missing its anniversary. or the birth date. watever it is. i love dis blog of mine. it feels like a part of me. i never tell anybdy like i do in dis, alrite. tho.. yeah - its not all in there, but most of thgs in my life - is there.


been thru shyte for so many times dealing wit dis blog, really. i privatized it coupla times for some reasons - tho i've been told to do so way back then. i knw it'd be good if i do so - but i decided not to then - for i hav my own reason for doin so.


i am not sure about the readers. i knw a lot of them alrite, and frankly speakin - i dun really knw y ppl r reading dis. no, duin get me wrong. i am not tryin to be rude. i am honored for there r ppl out there readin dis petty thang of mine - but then.. again, i gez theres nthg much in there. i rambled a lot, carot a lot, and most of the time - i talked or wrote on not-so-important thgs, and they r all about me, myself. i had no nice beautiful pics on scenery, food and such. they r all so so je pun.. but recently - the followers dah 99 org! i wonder who'd be the 100th, eh? haha


i used to write in ekawan.com.. i hav a wonderful writings in there as well (perasan jap) - but i hav to quit for some reasons - and i found Blogger is kinda nice anyway. i dun really mind about the accessibility, the hi-tech thang provided - i jst wanna write.. dats all. as long as i can vent out, share thgs, merepek sket2 - God sake, i am alrite wit it. best part of dis Blogger - i can jst mms my writing to the add., and they'll update the blog rite away. as for me - dat suit me alrite for idea aku dtg tak tentu hala - time mood nak menulis - time drive kete, time jogging even time dlm tandas pun bley!


now dat 2m2h dah masuk 3 thn 1 bln, i still hav a lot to learn, a lot to write and a lot to share. i hope i'll be able to write more. will hav more time to come, insyaAllah.











three!










THREE NICKNAMES; shah, shahe, along

THREE PEOPLE DAT MAKE ME LAUGH; my fren Isa, Azman Abdullah, Kie

THREE THGS DAT I LOVE; bath time (berendam dat is), being outside, quality time wit the love ones.

THREE THGS DAT I HATE; carrot, Liquid Paper, being told NO.

THREE THGS DAT I DUN UNDERSTAND; y gals love to paint their toenails (inai too!), y my clothes must match, y ppl loves to eat in front of the idiotbox.

THREE THGS ON MY FLOOR; shoes!! and more shoes. and many more shoes.

THREE THGS I AM DOIN RITE NOW; pretending dat i am SUPAbz so Hafiz wont come in and bug me, updating my blog wit thgs in my head, taking off my tie - its past noon alrdy!

THREE THGS I CAN DO; kick in the pool (i can pee in it, too yeah!), run, put on socks. haha

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY; observant, occasionally demanding, keep thgs to himself, always loving.. eh, dah lebih tiga eh? haha

THREE THGS I CANNOT DO; spike time main volleyball (dorang ckp aku pendek), Microsoft Excel (euw!), swim (still!).

THREE FAV FOODS; all the simple thgs, anythg wit cheese, capati of coz.

THREE FOODS I DUN LIKE; carrot, carrot, carrot (its a food, rite? heh. like i care).

THREE BEVERAGES I DRINK REGULARLY; tea-o, tea-o ais limau, lemonade.

THREE SHOWS I WATCH; anythg on Ceria and Cartoon Network, Lie to Me, Parkinson.













rambut dah tak de..






see - i am smiling.
and dat aint fake!! heh.






i remember while standing in line at Tesco last coupla days - Damia decided to talk to a blad man (and dat aint me!) behind me, by saying "uncle, rambut uncle dah hilang.." kinda thang like dat. i swung my head around to apologize to the dat mid-aged educated look Chinese man; but fortunately he jst replied wit a broad smile and said, "ur right! uncle tau..". thank heavens for sucha sweet understanding ppl!



driving back - i told her how 'tak baik ckp kat uncle mcm tu..' and she bluntly said 'Damia ckp je.. mana tau'.. wit her mulut muncung2. hahaha.. i think i may hav to hav a lil talk wit lil Dammy about not sayin everythg dat is in dat precious lil head of hers. i hav to admit tho dat after i was safely away - i called her ummi and told her of the conversation - and we both died laughing. darn she's complaining a lot nowadays - including recently how her 'ummi suap ubat tak sedap.. tp walid bagi sedap' and dammit - its the same Brufen syrup. bley?


darn dat gal is hilarious!




life? g'morn., anyway!





life is freakin short!





salam;


in life - we do thgs. s'times - we wish we had never done thgs we've done before, and s'times we wish we could re-play a million times. but - perhaps u never knw dis. or perhaps, too - u knw dis - but u cant help wishin so. the truth is - they make us who we r now, and in the end of the day - they shape us. and detail us.


if we were to reserve em all, we wldnt be the ppl we r, today. so i gez - we shld jst live life. live life, and learn. make mistakes and much as we can - and we learn. live life, and hav a tremendous, wonderful memories. but never second gez who ur, where u've been and most importantly - where ur goin.


live life. love life. be free. dun let life, leaves u!


hav a pleasant Wed., yo!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

..




aint a good day for me. was at home thru out the day - doin nothg. i was in bed for most of the time, feeling so paralyzed. dis is the day i hate to go thru. and dis is the day i never ever think of facing - at all, God sake.


leaving for the office for a while. i need to get ready for trow. i hope thgs will get better - for me insyaAllah.


gnite.











Monday, April 11, 2011

i love Monday gtew.







somehow or rather - aku was so in love wit today. and weird enuff - its Monday. aku bangun lambat - around 6.20am! never lambat like dis before.. Ajak la neh - tetiber muncul depan rumah aku.. ajak nyembang etc - since 'dah lama aku tak jumpak ko..' since seminggu aku not in the office for the whole last week. sembang sembang - it was 1.30am baru aku masuk rumah. and the bad thg is - it was way past my bed time.. sah2 la aku struggle giler nak tido.


sampai ofis - i was wondering wats in for me.. since aku dah lama tak masuk ofis - the only thg dat scares me the most is - kerja yg bertimbun2, back-dated and such. and gez wat? miraculously; NONE! aku nyer pigeon hole kosong - except forfew cards, surat yg tak berpekdah, flyers. and yeah - 2 memos. tu pun memo yg jenis 'aku tak nak tgk, bley?' mcm tu. damn i loike. so - the whole morning - aku settled dis and dat, Pengarah panggil aku jap for again - dis and dat, and off aku pi lunch kat JJ. sorang2. haha


ptg - OSCE Sem 3. lung percussion, lung auscultate, abdominal palpation. bosan weh. aku ngantok giler. and its raining out there. its still raining now. punah harapan aku nak kuar jog. gym - esok je la, eh?


gtg. nak balik awal today! hehe




Sunday, April 10, 2011

bley?







bley tak aku tak payah naik atas match baju suar tie for trow? bley tak aku skip press baju2 keje suar keje sumer bagai? bley tak aku tak pyh kecoh2 cari socks yg match dgn suar for trow? and kemas2 beg keje so esok pagi tka kelam kabut? bley tak aku sambung je golek kiri kanan dpn belakang dpn idiotbox neh, and tak pyh sibuk2 iron baju suar bagai? bley tak aku golek2 je sambel layan FB je, senang? and bley tak aku tka pyh kemas beg gym/jog aku for trow? and bley tak aku skip je trus gym/jog esok?



bley tak aku ponteng je keje esok?



huwaaa.. mencit!!





Saturday, April 9, 2011

wit u around.












..








"when i am wit u - i act differently. i mean - in a good way. i definitely smile more. and i laugh more, for sure. i dun hav to pretend dat everythg is ok, when its really not, God sake. wit u - i can drop the fake smile - and put on a real one. i dun feel hurt, and alone when i am wit u. instead - i feel safe. and loved. ur easy to talk to, and u do listen to me.. tho sometimes, i knw u dun really do.. :-)


wit u around - i dun hav to worry about holdin back wit u. i dun feel self-conscious. i dun ever feel insecure. or sad. u always show me dat u really do care. and i knw ur not jst pretending. i cld see it clearly. and i cld see dat, in ur very eyes. i really appreciate ur company, b'coz wit u - i am different.


wit u - i am happy. and i miss; bein me, wit u around.. "












i'd rather..




i'd rather..














Friday, April 8, 2011

learn to fly.











salam;


glad to be back. its been a week since aku last updated the blog. not dat i dun wanna write - i do. i did bring my netbook around pun. tp - when ur on the move, ur head occupied wit thgs yg buat u feel sesak and suffocate - aku tak bukak langsung beg netbook, for God sake. and not dat i dun hav thgs to write - i do. somethg about the feelin inside, routine thgs to share, thgs i've learn and such. ppl around me, et al.



had a great time spent wit Pinkie and her tunang - Zainal. wit MT, Bahar and Azman as well. we great time chatting about thgs - and Pinkie; she was so in-deep wit her less-than-a-100-days d'day to come. i knw how it feels for her, really. and i am sharing it well, as well. she's one of my very best pal, of coz - dammit i am happy for her. Pinkie/Zainal - i am praying thgs will be great, perfect in every single thgs to come insyAllah.


INTENGAH - i had a good time. learn new thgs. new frens. i managed to gain more on how to think laterally - instead of go vertical, critically. sometimes it sounds absurd - but most ppl r absurd. so wat? aku managed to learn the differences between novel ideas, creativity and many more. and experiencing many series of headache - since we r all been trained to think vertically, to be a problem solver. we never knw how beautiful it is - to be able to think 'out of the box', doin thgs like nbdy does, and think in a different ways, as well.


and yeah - thgs happened, too. i feel bad. i never ever scream shyte out loud, giving sort of 'kata putus' to anyone at all. but dis time around - i've been pushed a lil too far, and u knw i dun like it God sake. i am sorry for bein a scumbag. i never mean to be dat rude. and dat bad as well. i never hate u. i jst dun like the way u acted. i hate the way u acted, doesnt mean dat i hate u. ur still a fren of mine. period.


shall be leavin for Ipoh soon. i am still in bed - beg tak kemas lagik, wit coupla thgs buggin my head.


s'times i jst wish i'd be able to read ppl - more than jst wat i am capable of, now - jst like dat. i'd be able to see wats in their head, their heart and such. so i wont go hurting myself. and i wont go making mess in others' lifes, as well. so i knw if they r tellin me the truth, or they r jst playin wit words.


but darn i am jst a plain flesh and blood. and nthg more than dat!



















Friday, April 1, 2011

leaving.






salam.


i am done wit conducting the aerobic session dis morning; over the assembly. around 400ppl - stdnts, staffs and such. Pengarah too, kicked of Minggu Kempen Pemakanan Sihat Peringkat ILKKM - so he wanted to hav sort of physical activities; and nama aku naik. since dats wat they want - aku on je.


done wit tabulating the Psychology nyer marks too - dah submit ke SUP pun. thank God - after like days i was havin headache, bored to death dealin wit all the scripts - i can now smile a bit, for the time being. a bit, of coz.


leavin the buildin now. i mean - nak balik packin et al. i am leavin for KL for the whole week, next week - since ada kursus kat INTAN Wilayah Tengah (INTENGAH). goin to meet up Pinkie, Azman, Bahar, Nazri et al - darn i cant wait.


---


still feels kinda drowsy. i wish i cld hav a proper crash, before aku leave soon.


and if u see any updates - u then shld knw, i am alrdy out of ere.