Monday, February 28, 2011

heh.











tea wit me.
anyone?








Mode : malas and geram
Punca : pelbagai.. semut hurung Ferrero Rocher aku (gampang)
Perut : lapar
Action : reschedule all appointments.
Consequences : tatau nak buat apa.



argkh.






good Samaritans.








s'times, havin a plain chat wit a so-called stranger (i mean - someone u hardly or dun really knw) cld be a bless. inspiring. eye-opening, really. i've went thru dis - coupla times before. and it really makes me smiling, and i can remember the whole thang like, really really good.


i was in GS's recently for a dinner - where i was there like awal giler, and nobdy's home - except for his mom doin the cookin. as usual - i was thinkin it gonna be hard for me - i am havin dis problem to get use wit 'stranger' and break the ice.. argkhhh.. s'thg i hate of doin, really. i jst dun knw wat to ask, i jst dun knw wat to do. wat if i ask - and the other person wont go answering well? wat if she/he goes mute and buat muka 'ketat'? and wat if she/he turned out to be so monosyllabic and makes me goin crazy crushin my head for questions, to ask? aiyoo.. i can crack a joke or two - but then again; wld dat be a real 'joke' then?


but then - i had a real great evening there. me and the makcik had a great plain chat - about like so many thgs. right from her and the kids, her late hubby, her tough time, her ailments and such. i was there - sitting and listening - s'times i laugh out loud, s'times i responded to her well. and i remember - i hardly tell her about me myslf dat much pun - unless she asked. but she was there - chatting. and at the same time, cooking. and i had a real good time. she asked for coupla opinions, and i get low telling her in a very easy way to understand. i concluded the day wit a smile on my face.. darn its been a long time since aku really had a good chat wit an elderly yg aku tak kenal, before. the last time was - i dun knw.. years back la kot, time aku practice and attend the patients.


and lact coupla weeks - i was on the ETS, when dis Chinese old lady.. i mean - not too old, around 50's of age la kot, sit sebelah aku. as usual - aku senyum2 je when she looked at me.. it was then when she started to greet me well, askin where i am headin in English. apparently, she's goin to stop at Batu Gajah. we din talk dat much - but the way she asked me and such, replyin me back in return - makes me feel so damn cool and nice, as well. aku remember did ask her dis and dat - whos's goin to fetch u and such - and she gladly answered. and the end of it - before she went off; she was like 'i gotta go.. see u around, when i see u around' in a nice, polite way, and wish me 'all the best'. i was like - wow. i dun really know her pun. yeah, i mean - wow!.. for a plain Chinese lady, and not-so-kiasu really. i was there in the train, smiling to myself all the way up till Ipoh.


s'times, aku do feel tired roaming around ppl dat u knw darn well. typical, monotonous kinda thang. i'd love to go around, mingle wit those i dun really knw - tho i knw its gonna be tough for me, really. and i knw - dat wldnt be a disaster pun.. its jst a matter of time.


---


i am done wit most of the thgs kat ofc neh. baru 12.30pm.. darn nape la time balik at 5, bukan 12.30pm, eh?


*heh*




Friday, February 25, 2011

packing my ****





i am done!





usual conflict. big bag or small bag. to bring or not to bring. necessary or unnecessary. keji lah! heh. but dis time around - since its gonna be 3d/2n je - aku decided to bring medium size nyer bag je senang.. tp bila tgk baju kasut bagai yg aku dah letak tepi - aku started to mengeluh pjg. bley tak aku pi jst backpack je? backpack? euw - no such term in my diction., i think. haha


aku bwk baju keje sket, round-neck ties a must, kasut keje, kasut tak keje, toiletries aku limit to a small bag je, netbook wajib, mp4 bwk, suar tido, suar kecik, suar tak keje, kain pelikat.. heh. dah. i am done. so - bila dah siap packing - rupa nya byk yg tak perlu aku dah longgok tepi. and now aku kena kemas balik. argkh.


nak mandi. nak kuar pi bank jap. and the driver will be in at anytime now.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

perhaps.








perhaps we r all refugees from sthg we dun knw. perhaps we r all runnin around from sthg we knw, yet we dun hav guts to face it well. perhaps, we r refugees we runnin away from sthg dun really understand - sthg we dun care to understand, at all. and it haunts us all the time, for the rest of the life.


perhaps, we r all runnin in a way or another - from ur own fear, darkness, uncertainty. or sthg unknwn. perhaps, if u hav guts - u'll stand up ur stance and face it all for once. and get it done. so dat u can go on wit life, wit an open mind. wit a free, no shitty hold on in ur head. perhaps, maybe u dun hav guts to deal wit all dis - and u prefer to jst go along wit the flow, be it to no matters it brings - as long as ur doin ok.. as long as u can grab wat ever ur meant to hav all dis time - and u din - u knw u'll survive alrite.


perhaps we r all refugees from sthg. but i see now there is nthg to fear. dat the world we hold onto - the lives we cherish - r a part of sthg greater, sthg more. when i look at those less unfortunate - i see it so clearly; dat hope, dat chance of life - and i knw its worth fighting for.


perhaps, i did my part. i fight for it. i stand on it. but i gez - life's is more than jst dat.


perhaps, i shld let go. and carry on.








Wednesday, February 23, 2011

kompang? eww








suddenly aku recieved a call from Encik Roslan Ahmad the Ketua Penyelia PPP U42 HBI, he was like, 'we wld like to hav a team of kompang boys for Mentri Besar nyer lawatan dis Friday..'. first - aku was cool about it, but bila aku re-confirmed about which Friday it is - aku was in a state of shock. it is DIS Friday. yeah - dis Friday. dis 25th. kompang? argkhh.. and he told me dat dia dah 'sembang' dgn Pengarah and Pengarah kinda gav him a green light, givin my name to refer to. duhhh!! aku mula2 berasap jugak telinga since 2 ari je aku away from the office - nobdy tried to call or reach me regarding dis.. and En Roslan was like, 'i tried to call u but to no avail'. bila aku tnya dia call number mana - dia jwb.. number office.. yeah rite. sah2 la to no avail. so - dr 9am tadi till now - aku tgk Kak Jah operator ni kechikkk je.. aku awal2 lagik dah bgtau dia aku tadak last Monday and Tues., and apa2 to catch me on my mobile. tp tak reti2.. heh!


bg aku - dis aint a big deal pun. aku bley jst pick budak2 neh and make em tabuh the kompang.. since mmg ada yg berbakat. and aku tak kisah getting the task at the very last minute (w'pun aku tak brp berkenan!), since wit a bit of pressure - aku believed aku can come up wit a good output. tp budak2 ni larrr.. manakan nak cari kompang dlm stor, manakan nak prektis, baju la, apa lar.. heh. again.


so - ari ni, w'pun aku seharusnya cuma duduk and keje sket2 je.. aku was like all around lookin for stuffs and settling dis thgs la plak, since esok aku tak masuk ofis. and Jumaat pg is the whole shyte.


and Kak Jah - nak je aku sagat dia ke kaunter pertanyaan tu. at least kalo dia inform aku ari Isnin lagik - aku can jst make coupla calls, and make things happen. its a matter of call, pun. ni tak. and dis is not the first time pun dia buat hal mcm ni.. aku geram pun ada. tp tak la smpai tahap Thunder Cats nak fire dia bagai.. i mean, so far laa.. aku wonder wats in her head. asyik mkn je keje. argkh.


heh. again!








..








motip?




woke up late. no sucha drive la-la-la to the office. aku terus ke HBI to settle coupla thgs before masuk office - byk benda nak settle God sake before aku off to CH for Psych Conference. heh.


ngantuk la..






Tuesday, February 22, 2011

*yawn*





*yawn*





in bed still. will jump out of ere, real soon. or, maybe a lil bit later - if i'm lucky. i wish i cld jst stay back in the bed thru out the day. dis headache is killin me, and at the same time - i am damn bloody hungry.. nope, i cant poppin in all those colorful 'miracle' pills when my tummy is growling, empty. damn - i hate grabbing the towel, headin to the shower while my heart, my soul r all under the duvet, still. heh.


i received coula disturbing msges still - tp kali ni aku dah malas nak amek tau. i read em, i deleted em all. kalo baru ni aku serabut la jugak, tp skang - biar la. if ur a human bein wit a brain - u gotta act like one. tak pyh la sibuk2 nak anta msg askin dis and dat, nasihat dis and dat.. penat weh!


and semlm - aku had the chance seein dis pic; 'shahe waktu dulu2' kinda thang - posing tp kolam renang wit a darn skimpy trunk - and ppl will vote for it, for somethg. and the worst part was - the pic was posted to a blog yg 'sungguh memalukan' kinda thang. thanks to Azman for telling me. dis someone was so strongly believe dat was me (heh, jumpak aku pun tak pernah!) and forwarded the pic to Azman. i was kinda shocked, tp lepas tu aku started to laugh out loud. bodoh. dorg ni tadak keje ke eh? and the fact is - aku tak la nak berposing like dat (apart those in FB), and aku still think rationally. and all the stats kat blog tu, was sooo not me. kelakar.


heh. mls aku nak fikir. aku lapar. gotta hit the shower, and turun hunting for some food.


u hav a productive Tues., fellas!




Monday, February 21, 2011

choose.



choose!



every human bein has the rite to choose how they feel, you can choose happiness or sadness, hatred or love and such. u may be depressed or heartbroken, over somethg dat may hav happened to u or sthg u did a long time ago - maybe even years back - to urself, or to others. but u need not to stay in dat depressed state any longer. theres no need to torture urself. and dats the fact. plus - y do u hav to blame urself on every single thang - while u know u cant get it undone. its like u try to un-fry a fried egg. u knw dat aint goin to happen.


there is no need to carry dat pain any longer inside ur heart, day after day - year after year. u must not let it grow continuously b'coz soon enuff - dat one issue u r sad or depressed about will turn into ur normal way of thinkin. negativism and negative way of thinkin has a bloody domino effect, at least dats wat i believe.


when one door closes in life - another one will open - but if u do not let go of the pains of yesterday, the joys of today and trow will never, ever be discovered. they will be overshadowed by ur own misery. darn then u must let go of the past - to be happy. there is no ifs, ands or buts..


quit living negatively in the past, and focus on wat u can do about today and in the future. u see - wat happened in the past - u hav no control of, today. u cannot do a thang about it - so y live there?


start livin and loving thgs u can control such as dis beautiful dat or maybe surround urself wit ur love ones. go out and create joyous experiences and turn happiness into a constant way of thinkin.


enuff is enuff. bygone be bygone. do u agree?


do not let the torments and regrets of yesterday live in u deep enuff, to cover ur progression and happiness for today..



gampang.





get the hell outta ere!





sumpah aku meluat. menyampah. theres a hatred in me - damn i cant help it. i knw i aint gonna go anyway wit dis burning in me - but for the first time - aku feel like cldnt careless. it aint the first really. dis was around for yrs, and it seems like it wont go away.. i mean - where ever i go, wat ever i get - dis bloody thang will be around, tryin to grab watever i had - in hand. damn - can u jst get the hell outta my face? go find somethg else. go get somethg else, will u? wats get into u anyway? i dun knw u. and fuck - i dun want to.


its like everywhere i go - dis bloody creature will be around. its like everywhere, God sake. dammit - can u jst giv up and turn ur arse around? wat else do u want? go get ur thang, on ur own, and stop pickin on thgs dat owned. i knw u well, indeed. u wanna get thgs in some easy way. u dun want a thang, for God sake. u jst wanna hav thgs dat u can get from ppl around u. and dats the fact. tambah plak ada org melayan.. heh.


benci la. sumpah benci. meluat.







Saturday, February 19, 2011

malas!






zzZZZZzz!!
darn its Saturday!






its Saturday. and for the first time - its a Saturday wit nothg in store. i mean - well, i shldve go for a photography class - dammit my fav, my passion - but its Saturday, and i am in bed. waking up at 6am and contemplating whether or not go - is not sthg yg u want to hav it, God sake. between ur passion and the chance of gettin up late, lazying around doin nthg. darn - gez wat? i choose the second one. someone asked me 'releven lagi ke kelas fotografi u tu? sama je dgn kelas renang yg tak sudah2 smpai skang..'. hahaha.. thanks for such motivation. and yeah - aku ponteng kelas fotografi, pg neh. hehe


in bed still. nthg in head. sleep like a log, awal lagik aku dah hit the sack. by 4am aku dah bgun - did the wee wee and aku decided to tido kat bilik belakang je, wit no aircond. woke up for Subuh - aku smbg lagik my so-called journey to the my only land, the MumuLand. hehe.. damn how i wish everyday wld be like dis, aye? errmmm..


i finally found TimTams on FB. its a hell nice kinda thang really - bein able 'seeing' her bakin some cupcakes and such. argkh, cupcakes again. darn i gotta go get myself, some esok lusa.. teringin seh!


nak pi mandi la. matahari dah tinggi. i still hav nthg in store - to do toda. i mght as well watch the idiotbox and kill my time, on9 je la kot. or do some reading, perhaps.. *puke*.



Friday, February 18, 2011

g'day!









its a good day,
hell yeah!






despite havin kinda bad day thru out the whole day smlm - i had a great sleepin, hell yeah. woke up feelin damn fresh - darn i hardly feel dis way for like, ages i think. at 5.30am aku bgun.. siap2 mandi, tunggu Subuh, made myself a big mug of Nescafe - thgs went well pretty well so far alhamdulillah. hope dis gonna last till end of the day, insyaAllah.


aku decided not to attend Majlis Maulidur Rasul smlm kat kolej. i jst need sometime back at home, my own private time - and settle coupla thgs. BLS wit Puspanita kat SUK was kinda big joke for me - dis Datin2 they dun really wanna learn a thang, but love to be in the crowd wit all the bling-bling and takin shait. i cld see thgs well bila aku bg lecture demo on Adult Choking - theres a few mak datin yg dun even pay attention - yet havin their eyes stuck on other mak datins' bracelet, tudung, baju wit dis 'puke' kinda reaction on their faces. why? dun ask me. and i gotta rushed back to the office after dat - budak2 aku ada kes bergaduh plak sesama sendiri semlm kat hostel - dat aku plak yg kena mengadap Pengarah and brief him. aku bengkek dgn KF - as a warden; he shldve let me knw at the first place.. ni tak - i was the last to knw. so be it lah - aku decided let him handle it thu-out.. ko nak sgt kan. aku wal2 lagi dah bg tau Pengarah - to go get him, if anythg at all. knwg KF - aku mls nak amek port sgt. bley sakit jiwa dealin wit dis kinda ppl.


but dat was ysterday - i refuse to think about it, any more. today is a new a day. aku shall start it well, make the best out of it, and make it last until the end of it. futhermore - its TGIF. and for some reasons - darn i cant wait for the weekend!


u hav a great day too, ppl. remember to enjoy every small bit of it, every petty thgs in it. life's so freakin short - its not worth to weep around for thgs dat u cant change, God sake.









Wednesday, February 16, 2011

..






so u win
and ur happy now?









i hate lunch-time.











can i skp lunch,
and work?

*wah!!*








lunch time. as usual. perut penuh lagik since breakfast tadik kinda heavy jugak. tp still dorang neh gesa2 aku suruh ikut pi lunch. tak ikut, sah2 la kena label, kena kutuk like berbakol2.. kalo pi sah2 la plak aku mkn lagik heh! dilemma sungguh.


aku nak mintak air kosong je. bley? and tgk dorang neh mkn. tp kalo mkn pun, aku tau - 'wldnt make a different pun..'. kejis lah.


argkh.











elderly.












mak abah..
they mean the whole wide world,
to me!







i managed to visit a home for the aged, coupla days back. i hardly do dat, lately. i miss visiting these centers, really. since i've been busy wit other thgs; works and such - i havent had enuff time to visit one, recently. i remember when i was back in Taiping - while i was workin during the shift hrs., i managed to squeeze sometime - did some volunteer works ere and there, talking and spent time wit coupla elderly there. i had a real good time, God sake.


i remember met one who had Alzheimer's and it was so heartbreakin. she was a very pleasant Malay lady, wit a darn pleasant kinda face. she had a great smile and greeted me amiably. i also met one who was always lyin in bed and refused to get up. there r also dis grandmother who was wearing compression stockings b'coz she's havin Diabetes and her legs r prone to excessive swelling. there was also one 'tok wan', who was eating very slowly, since his hands were shaking uncontrollably. i feel like cryin seein him smiling when i fed him. me and couple of others from the 'Team Kerja Komuniti' helped and tried to cheer up em all as best as we could.


i've always had a soft spot for old ppl. every time i see em, wit all wrinkles on their faces, hands and such - wit their smiles dat r both weak, yet wise - their eyes dat hav seen a lot.. my heart goes out to em. they've seen a lot in life, these ppl hav wisdom dat can only be gained from livin world, livin life for so many yrs.


if only all the ppl in dis world cld take care of their old loved ones - dat wld be ideal. they need not to work, anymore - doin all the hard chores and such. taking care of the grandchildren. had to bear illnesses and such - while still had to work for life. i feel bloody sad for those dat r sent in elderly facilities - i knw there muct be reasons for it, but a father and a mother can take care well their many children thru think and think - while the children cant even do dat well in return. these ppl need their families, and i feel sorry for em.


if u still hav parents, grandparents or elderly relatives - kindly do, pld take care of em. dun ever take em for granted b'coz these ppl need u even more than anythg in the world, for now dat they r old. they dun hav much time in dis world - so pls do make every moment count.


and i remember reaching home wit the a compulsive tot dat i hav to giv mak abah a call - see hows thgs wit em both. and God knws how it feels for me - to hav the chance listenin to their voice, altho i do call em both every like two days!


as for me - it wont be tuff. no, it wont tax ur whole freakin time. jst love and respect em. for ur gonna get old as well. one day!








Wed morning..










3.30am aku dah bangun - and gez wat? i was kinda strugglin to go back to sleep.. and i jst cant. i ended doin some reading in my study room - finishing up coupla articles aku need to go thru and such. it was a quiet, peaceful morning - and i managed to concentrate well. by the time org nak azan - aku dah mula drowsy balik, and 6.30am baru terjaga. shait.


aku decided not to make my usual trip to Penang today - i'll call it off, call em to tell so. malas. and theres nothg to much ado about the whole thang pun.


owh, by the way - aku received a bouquet of flowers - roses red and yellow and such, wit one big flush toy; Donald Duck to be precise - on the last so-called V-Day. cemaneh? first time in my whole life, God sake. thanks, again.









me, today!
flowers all around aye?








Tuesday, February 15, 2011

chasing..











chase em,
while u can..






hav u ever wanted sthg in ur life so badly dat u were never meant to hav? hav u longed for sthg dat u think u cant live w/o, and yet u hav a feelin deep in ur heart dat its not meant for u?


lets face it - life really can be unfair (as i said before - who says life is fair anyway?), not to mention ironic as well. we can never tell which cards will be dealt to us. there r ppl who r blessed wit certain thgs in life, while others dun hav dat kinda luxury. but hav u experienced dat feelin of desire - for sthg u knw will make u very, very happy, and yet life just wont allow u to hav it? hav u ever go thru dat kinda feelin? if u've experienced dat feelin, then u'll probably agree wit me - dat it is bloody sucks, big time.


but then - dats life, rite? life's like dat. in wat ever decision we make, it cant be foolproof. and not everythg we want in life is good for us, or is meant for us - for dat matter. jst b'coz we feel a strong desire for sthg - doesnt mean we hav to get it no matter wat. oftentimes, we even desire for sthg dats totally wrong for us - for b'coz it makes us happy, we tend to be selfish. we want thgs for ourselves, even tho we knw in our hearts - dat we'll be better off w/o it.


but wat of it makes us hold on? r we jst bein stubborn, or obsessed? do we go against all odds jst to satisfy our inner cravings? or do we giv in to wat we feels right instead?


life is complicated.. i believe so, tho most of the time - u'd hear one thang - life is simple. life is complicated b'coz dis is not our real home. when we die, we will go to our real one, which is with God above. dats y we r never contented on Earth. but wat do we do when we want sthg dats not meant for us? wat if we want it so bad, we consumed by it and we spend our whole lives, chasing it?



wat we hav to remember is dat - there r thgs in life dat will always remain a dream. and u cant chase dreams forever - dats the fact. maybe u get to enjoy it for a while - maybe u experience it for a period of time, but it will never be urs forever. when dis happens - the only choice is - to let go. cherish it - then let it go. focus on the thgs dat ARE meant for u. u'll knw its not meant for u - when after yrs of strugglin and sacrificin, u still remain at square one.


wldnt it be better to jst learn to accept the fact dat u did ur best, but its jst not meant for u? let go and find thgs dat meant for u. letting go will definitely hurt in the beginning, but u'll happier in the long run..


but then again - its easier said than done. i wish i'd be stronger than i am, now.










Monday, February 14, 2011

its all in ur head!













sorry Disney -
cant help to 'cepet' dis from u guys!






"not everythg we want is good for us.."
"jst becoz we want somethg, doesnt necessarily mean we shld hav it.."
"wats meant to be urs, will be urs.."
"a lil perseverance can go a long way"
"wanting and needing are two different thgs.."



the above r jst some of the statements dat go thru my mind every time i see thgs.. or s'thg i want and for some reason - i cant hav. for instance - when i go shopping - if i see sthg i want on sale in the mall; and i cant afford to buy it.. or perhaps - i aint sure if i really need it well - i'll repeat these tots in myhead like a so-called mantra - again and again - and dat makes me feel a lil bit better tho i cant hav it. of buy it, perhaps.


dis doesnt jst apply to material thgs, i think. in life - when we see s'thg we want - be it a person, or event, or status; if we want sthg but no matter how we try, we jst cant seem to get it - then it helps to remember the statements above. at least - dat works for me. may be u can try next time u see shtg u want but u cant hav instead.


but then - it wont work on thgs i do 'at whim'. it is when i get myslf damn bloody 'boros' - buy thgs w/o further thinking and such. and i din even get the chance to think or repeat all the bloody 'mantra' pun!


heh.



---



in the office now. i am not doin anythg now. wanted to go back home - yet Pengarah nak jumpak at 4.30pm. eh, nape 4.30pm eh? kejis la.. and 5pm baru balik kuar ofis. heh! y not jumpak aku at 2pm je senang.. settle - aku bley trus.. err..


damn - ngantok siot!! argkhhh..















over.












over-thinking?
u ever think? heh.





perhaps, so. may be i shld quit of thinkin too much. some ppl says dis is 'normal', but its killing me, really. i started to think of all the possibility, the not-so-good thgs and such. i am tryin so hard to drown my head wit all the good thngs, the positive sides of all thgs - but darn i am jst a plain flesh and blood. no matter how much i keep on pressin thgs from botherin my head - it keeps on poppin up to the surface - like every now and then.


darn i gotta cool down a bit, i think.






Sunday, February 13, 2011

gnite!






lovely days!






time to settle down. i had a great weekend, hell yeah - spending it well wit those dat i love, so freakin much. time like dis - they wld jst go flyin so fast u hardly realize dat finally - esok dah nak kena keje. heh. days like dis - they dun hav to be grande, they dun hav to be spending em well walkin about the mall and such - jst stay back put, and relax - spending every each magical, precious moment doin nthg at all, damn it was so freakin nice. as long as those ppl dat u love r around - darn i wldnt go askin for more.


hav a nice, tite sleepin ppl. for trow - there'll be more, in store for us insyaAllah.










Saturday, February 12, 2011

plain nthg.






meaningful-less?





somethg come across my mind - dun u think it is sad when ppl experience thgs differently, from wat ur goin thru? frustrating aye? one moment may mean the whole wide world for u; and yet for some other person - it mean absolutely jst a plain nthg.


hav u ppl experienced s'thg like dis, before?


heh.








change? BS!








i aint a technical person. i believe dat i am more humanism et al. i believe everyone of us has our own potential, to be better than wat we r now. if we wanna change - and if we do wanna change, then we will. ppl hate changes - for we r so comfort wit thgs around us. but - if we wanna change, we will change. we gotta change wit sort of willingness in us, ourselves. we dun go change for someone wants us to.


action speaks louder than word. i gez we need not to blabbering telling world dat we r gonna change, but we r aint.



simple aye?





Wednesday, February 9, 2011

life?









*yawnnn*






wat life is? well everybdy has their own definition for it. perception towards it. but then - wat life is? subjective, aye? i gez - its simple. life is like the lil decisions u make, like everyday. hate it or not - it is like some sort of decisions u made, urself. decisions of the past - they definitely hav had their effect, but every new day can be a new start - yeah, dats wat they say. and no matter wat has happened up till now - u hav a chance to make the right decisions, today.


i do believe dat we need not to waste time reliving the pain of past mistakes, and wrong decisions. for dat only saps ur power to do wat u can do, today. u cant change the past, its gone anyway. but the future is wat u make it, startin rite now - darn we gotta take full advantage of the present, God sake.


we gotta learn from the past mistakes. and put em behind us, today. forgive those who wronged u and ask forgiveness from those u hav wronged. dat probably wont be easy - dammit, it is - but dun put it off; better do it as soon as u can. look above for fresh courage and hope, starting today. dream new dreams, today. set new goals, today. spend ur time on thgs dat truly count, today. love urself, ur family - today. be a nice, good fren, today. listen to em, darn well - today. and do thgs better - startin today.


---


darn i dun knw wats the above.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

..








its been yrs since i've been on FB. theres so many changes in life, wit FB around me - more frens, more love, more dramas, more not-so-frens, more once-ur-fren-now-ur-no-more, more last-time-u-hate-me-now-u-fren-me, more now-ur-a fren-trow-ur-not, and more fun of course.


i gained more frens in FB. most of the ppl in there r superb. i dun knw how to tell, but they r jst great. they can be a lot better then those who r infront of u. but then again - FB can bring lot of unnecessary thgs, too.


its hurt to knw when ur the reason - when ur fren get dumped. especially when u dun knw a thang. and u dun even knw wat the heck is goin on. its jst becoz ur a good fren of A, and A is goin out wit B - but when B knew dat A is a good fren of urs - B gav kata dua; to choose him/herself or u - as A's bestfren. the thg is - u dun even knw who the heck is B. and u dun knw dat A is goin out wit B. it is sad, of course. i cant help to feel bad about the whole thang. but i wont go blaming myself - for i dun knw shyte about it. and A is not doin sthg wrong too - salah ke ko nak kwn dgn A? but B - i think ur makin up stories. i do think u hav no balls. ur picking up reasons to get away from the whole thang. ur a plain chicken shyte. i am sorry - i knw i am nbdy to judge. but i cant help myself thinkin dat way.


dis aint the first. i had worst thgs - way worst than dat. i had some ppl who knew myself damn way freakin better than i knw my freakin self. cemaneh? and dis ppl go around tellin tale to the whole wide world - i gez its as simple as dis - u talk about others, dat wld makes u feel damn superior. for u'd go tellin 'mamat tu bodoh, bangang, keji bla bla bla..' and such.. at the end of the day - sapa yg baik? u knw i aint goin to answer dat - u go figure out urself. aku dah masak dgn org mcm ni. dis kinda moron - i need not to deal wit. let him/her go around tellin shait and feel good about it. poor him/her - dats the only thg yg can make him/her feel good, in life. pity him/her. it aint biggie - for i believe in karma - dammit wat goes around, will always comes around. wat u giv is wat ur gonna get. unless ur fuckin perfect - well hunny, dats somethg else. but.. i am tellin u - but if u think ur nbdy, then jst shut the fuck up. coz sooner or later, ppl will knw. and mana nak letak muka? celah bedah pun tak layak!


my fren - i am sorry. i never knw dis is goin to happen. i dun even knw wats goin on. i jst dun knw a thang, God sake.


but ur a fren of mine - and i cant help to feel bad. its like for my existence - lead u to face all dis bullshyte. i wish i cld tell u a thang or to - but i am jst a plain nbdy. and i gez thg has been said. and done.


i am sorry.



demam..











again!
shyte..




fever strikes again. hate dis thang, really but dis time around - awal2 lagik aku dah telan ubat, antihistamine bagai. so smlm - around 9.30pm lagik aku dah terbungkang dpn the idiotbox and crawled up to the bedroom around 3am in the morn. for the first time - aku sleep like a log; thanks to the antihistamine - aku really get knocked out.


feel like takin a day-off. tp lookin at my schedule today which aint heavy - aku decided to stay back in the office and get my thgs done. ari ni - clinical teachin over psychiatry ward je.


mkn blum. ubat dah. paler penin. bdn panas lite2. heh. hope thgs gonna get better.




Monday, February 7, 2011

class? Monday? heh.














class done.
yayyyy!!!!!!!!!!






aku arrived at the office kinda early jugak larr.. around 7am dah smpai. it was like mcm - wow! its nice to be back to the office - kinda thang. not until aku sedar yg aku ada 3hrs of teaching at the end of the day! heh. aku was like, damn.. baru je nak duduk2. baru je nak cari mood keje. baru je nak ber-FB. erk. bley?


so 2pm - aku dah masuk kelas.. mcm biasak - as xpcted; ada yg belum smpai, ada yg pi klinik tak sihat segala mala. kejis la.. dah balik kg lama2 pun - balik sini still tak sihat. pe hal la budak2 neh aku pun tatau. or perhaps - dorg mencik tgk muka aku kot? ermmm.. so - we discuss ttg topic today - Psychology; Learning. not my cuppa nye su-topic, tp aku managed to go thru it well. since budak2 dah ready awal - aku jst throw q's ere and there, explain dis and dat - get the feedback.. leave a bit of work for em to do for their extensive reading - off aku leave the hall. and i still hav like an hr to go. cemaneh? hehehe.. bg aku its doesnt matter how long they study, its wat they get is all dat matters. bley? *alasan sgt!* haha


its raining now. like, heavily! aku baru je nak start balik jogging gym bagai lps like a week aku mkn tido tido mkn sajort. tp - baju tak bwk. and its ujan! yesss! eh, silap. i mean - damn!


hahaha.. esok je la.








Sunday, February 6, 2011

choti daa abesss! argkhh







i loikkkkeeee!!





tup2 everythg dah settled. cuti panjang dah abes, adik2 aku dah mula back on the road - cik and fmly around 11am tadik dah bertolak; they r heading for Jitra. Soleh pun sama - tumpang cik since bas dia dr Butterworth to Melaka at 12.15pm.. ngah still around - 'kuar sama dgn along' thank God. kalo tak, mati keras la aku.. so - aku still havin few of the minimons, around. mak and abah dah menunjukkan ciri2 'keluh kesah' etc since aku tau - coupla hrs from now - tinggal dorang dua je la.. until they make up their mind nak buat a tour around pi rumah anak2 bagai.


thinkin of trow and thgs to come - aku dah mls. budak2 kat kolej dah start call aku dis and dat - darn till betul2 they get used to the surrounding; baru bley aku tarik nafas lega.. schedule aku yg - w'pun dah kira ok, tp still pack. follow ups aku yg makin kerap - lemas perut Tuhan je tahu. damn i wish i cld turn back time and laze around jer.. sign and symptoms of burn-out ka? heh.


but - theres coupla thgs yg makes me lookin out for trow - to come. coupla thgs yg aku missing, coupla thgs yg makes me feel like eager to look for tow, well.


and strangely enuf - aku kinda eager to go back to work, as well. perhaps bukan la 100%, tp beberapa percent sajort. and perhaps - i shld thank God for some of contributing factors la kot..


and darn aku hav to drive back to Ipoh. perhaps aku kena amek jalan lama je. perhaps jalan esp hi-way sah2 la jam giler. perhaps aku will muntah darah time drive nanti.


darn i wish i cld je tele-port myself balik Ipoh. itu pun kalo tak jam. or perhaps - darn i wish i cld use a bit of Doraemon's nyer help je.. huargkhh








us!


















faces of us..
semlm, while bakar the keli thang..

hehe









Saturday, February 5, 2011

1) keli, 2) Pinkie!




sarah irdina and akmal hakimi..






sarah wit her readiness to pose
- like all the time!








kimi, sarah, areeyna the kakak and damia
- half of the minimons!








sile mkn ati! hehe







haziq and damia..







cik - aku nyer adik lelaki #3
- and aku.. the along!








cik wit his abg uda's pose..
motip? haha







abg ngah, aku, cik and sarah..
the truth is - abg ngah je yg btol2 keje..
yg lain, posing mosing je. kejs!







kimie - my lovely minimon..
and the nakal-est!








cik and the his gaya..
gaya aje, ok!








hehe..







kimie and me.







ada gaya tak? hohoho







me and Soleh
- adik bongsu aku neh!








me,
i cld be smiling..







we r done wit the 'bakar keli' session. we r even done finishin em all. it was a nice time really - the 13 of us, sitting around the big meal, havin good time - talkin, laughin, eating and the chaos r far from u can ever imagine. and it was nice too - tgk mak abah makan siap tambah2 lagik.. we knw how they both r, if we r not around.


after lunch - rumah totally knock out - masing2 bwk diri and aku as usual, tergolek dpn tv under the fan wit few minimons - perut kenyang, mata pun ngantok.. sedar tak sedar - aku dah terlena and by the time aku terjaga - it was like 3.30pm alrdy.


its ptg alrdy - and its laksa time! haha.. mati la aku gumuks.



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btw - aku lupa.. to Noraziah Che Pa - tahniah! its ur big E-Day!! tahniah to u both. i am trully glad for finally - after all dis yrs, after all dis time - thru thick and thin; finally u've come across the rite one, alhamdulillah. to The Man - trust me, ur trully blessed to hav her.. do take care and be good to her!


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there r still thgs in my head. marching around, like nbdy biz.