Sunday, January 30, 2011

soon!





and dats the fact!
ouch.






managed to sit down properly and do thgs dat i like - freely browse the net wit kinda free mind. and of coz - i'd go checkin my FB, updating my blog, checkin my empty mail-box and such.


come to my surprise - i started to receive wishes from frens and such - and they r all around my wall, alrdy. i knw - it aint as yet - it is like another 1 hr and 15mins to.. or a bit more. i cant stop smiling readin em all. its once in a year kinda thang, when ur wall is full of nice, sweet wishin - and u jst cant stop smilin from ear to another..


i dun really hav so-called wish, dis time around. i jst wanna live life, i jst wanna take watever may come.


i am havin 2hrs class early trow morn., and i am leavin town soon after dat. will be back on coming Sunday. but then again - i'll keep on writing, insyaAllah.


pheww! i dun knw how to tell, wats in me, God sake.


gnite, fellas. and thanks! i love u guys.







projek ari Ahad.






cemaneh?




bilik air master bedroom aku. gigih ni ckp tak nak pi nursery, ter-pergi jugop. heh. angkut pokok2 sket.. few step-stones for the garden and berbag-bag batu kecik batu besar bagai.. and aku ada extra 2 step-stones yg tatau nak letak mana, a few batu sederhana in saiz neh.. and gez wat? aku angkut masuk bilik air utama - aku susun the step-stones, and aku longgok batu batan tu.. seen dis at someone's house, and i wanna hav it at my house as well.. tp tak la sumer bilik2 air/mandi rumah aku nak buat mcm ni.. since dis is the bathroom yg aku suka, my own fav - so aku did the transformation. best plak pijak2 mcm reflexology while mandi manda.. tak suka nanti, mati la aku nak angkut turun plak batu batan neh. heh!


apart than dat - pe yg aku buat ari ni eh? met Tony Chen sekejap in town - since dia nak sgt pesan a parcel for Pinkie. erm, and gez wat? i had one too! my second b'day pressie. kotak kecil, nicely wrapped. nak je bukak.. tp it aint today. hahaha.. and talked to Pinkie - she's on leave - cirit birit muntah monggek - food poisoning. hehehe.. poor u lil gal. jgn lupa mkn ubat!


nak mandi, nak solat Asar.. gelap dah weh! walhal baru je 6.10pm!








life?






life?







sleep late last nite. yeah i knw - 1 am somethg, i am not sure if u'd call it late or not. but after bein online wit a fren of mine - i mean, after being disconnected - and dats the fact, aku dah malas get back online; for i knw if i did - darn i am not gonna be in bed, God sake. went downstairs for a drink, aku get stuck on the idiotbox for a while.. by 2am s'thg, i was so damn bloody sleepy dat i crawled upstairs for my MuMuLand. it was a fair kinda nice Saturday alrite - i gotta chance doin thgs i wanna do, and i managed to deal wit the cupcake-thang, tho it turned out to be not-a-chance of bein any of those at Cupcakes Chic.


by 4am - aku dah wide awake. bangun Isya', aku dah up and down the house. decided to do the laundry, and i did - while again, stuck to the idiotbox. damn - i never realize i've been missing so many good thang on Astro. i mean - beside they keep on playin the same silly shait again and again for the whole 40 times, lah. but then - its been a while aku btol2 sit down and enjoy watchin every wat-ever-on-the-telly kinda thang. by 6 sthg, Subuh dah masuk.. aku mandi and solat. and as usual - aku decided to go out for a jog and aerobic as well.


its kinda nice feelin i had to be in the middle of like hundreds of ppl, doin so sweat-moves. perhaps, thanks to the endorphin. or perhaps, dis is the thang yg aku btol2 enjoy of doin - apart drenched in sweat - i cld be doin the 'watchin ppl' thang, too. not for the 'cuci mata' purposes, but kinda see others, and get me thinkin kinda thang. u'll see many ppl, wit different kinda ways and such - dressin, manners et al. ada yg dtg wit wind-breakers and such, wit make-up on like u wanna go for a runways, ada yg dtg tp gediks rubbin up and forth wit the other half, ada yg seksi, ada yg owh-the-world-see-me- i-got shape kinda thang. hahaha


i am back home, now. wondering wat to do, today. i dun feel like doin the gardenin. and i dun feel like doin anythg at all, perhaps - for today. perhaps, i'd jst lay back and kill time doin nthg, for dis is Sunday, and i shldnt be doin anythg, yeah.


---


trow, is gonna be the end of January. darn time flies. and i am gonna be a year older. or, wiser - in a nice sweet way. i remember when i was in 20's, i remember feelin so damn eager to get myself into 30's - for i wanna be 'somethg else'. now dat i am, and i am glad for i wat i am, for who i am really. i hav most of the thg in life any guys wld be askin for, God sake. and of course - bein a plain flesh and bone - u cant help wanting for more.. and dis time around - i jst wanna hav some time, a lil bit more time - i hav coupla thgs to accomplish in dis life of mine. i gez, time is all wat i want. and i knw - no one wld be able to buy me dat. and its kinda hurt, alrite. but then again - its sthg beyond my hand, and i definitely will make use of wat i hav now. and make it use up to the max.


in a way - i cant wait for trow. for its gonna be a brand new one. a brand new day alrite. nay, it aint gonna be a brand new me - i'll jst be the same yeah. it mght not be as grand as it was last year in 2010, but its ok. for at dis kinda gae, u need not much. a single wish wld be jst fine - for at least ppl still do remember u.. rite?


hav a great Sun-Day, fellas!







Thursday, January 27, 2011

wat a day.. hehe








its a beautiful day. most of the work - aku dah sorted out, settled very early in the morn., since ari ni is saya punya hari kesukaan - ada temujanji dgn doktor gigi. harap2 tiada lah gigi yang perlu di cabut. hows dat? hahaha.. yeah - its my dental day. and thank God - as the dentist said - 'all sound' which means bukan sumer gigi berbunyi ye adik2.. sumer gigi dlm keadaan yg baik, alhamdulillah.. tp 8/2 nanti kena dtg balik.. nak kena tampal sket2. mula2 dpt tarikh 1/2. i was like - er, tak bley la misi.. ada keje. hehehe.. so 8/2 lah!


and its beautiful too, since for the first time in life for dis year - i hav the whole day for myself - i dun hav any classes, no clinical teachings, no nothg. so aku managed to finish up coupla thgs yg tertangguh for like days before, kemas bilik sket yg dah bersepah mcm kandang kuda neh.. bancuh2 air, pi dentist, and balik smbung sket keje lagik. damn - wat a nice day yeah. and wat a crisis-less day i am having! hehe


lunch time sorang2. sickening, yeap. Amer cuti, Apiz MIA, Ajak Hosp. Ipoh, Fina and Rod kelas.. so i had kinda private time kunyah nasik 44kali each suap, yeah. otw back - tried my luck in makin coupla calls to few ppls, but no luck lah. sumer org sibuk. ada yg merayau2 tak masuk ofc dr pagik, dok mkn tak abes2. ada yg sibuk dlm OT. ada yg dlm Research Meeting.. eh, lunch time lah! heh. ada yg dok ber-crisis ke hulu ke hilir serba tak kena.. in command control, katanyer.. ada yg kat Beruas.



aku je yg tak de keje ke? bley?








acceptance?













where wld u go,
from ere?







its amazin the peace of mind u get when u've come to terms wit acceptance. take it as it is. be it. and its amazin how clear thgs become when u've opened ur heart to the inevitable. in life - i gez - u'll never get everythg exactly like u want. ur maturity and strength as a person r not measured by the number of victories u acquire - but in ur willingness to admit defeat when u knw - u've lost.

oftentimes, we r given problems and dilemmas dat will test our ability to deal wit life. its difficult to accept thgs dat giv us pain and sufferin. but i believe dat acceptance is not merely 'admitting defeat' or 'ceasing to fight' or 'surrendering'. it is when u lookat it in a much bigger perspective, a bigger picture - its actually embracing the truth and welcoming the bittersweet fact - dat there is reason y these thgs hav to happen to u, when they do.


its difficult, especially when u dun see dat 'reason' and u feel so miserable.. but once ur heart is really open for acceptance - and u hav faith, too - dat Allah has a plan for u; and dat there is s'thg else waitin for u..


hav a pleasant day ahead, peeps.










Wednesday, January 26, 2011

good-frens.






frens?







frens. a simple word, isnt it? its uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. do u hav one? who r ur frens? i used to think dat frens were the ppl dat u cld laugh and talk to. those ppl u can tell tales, go hang out wit and such. now i knw dat frens arent dat, they r the ppl dat touch ur heart. u cld jst spend hrs talking to em, and even do nthg at all - and it can be the best time of ur life, jst b'coz - it was wit em.


frens r the ppl u can share ur secrets wit. they r the ppl who cldnt careless to listen to all craps tell by some other ppl, about u. they r ppl u can cry wit, laugh wit, and jst hav fun wit. they definitely wont judge u. or make u change, for they think u need to. they accept u jst exactly as ur. they look at u and see a great person in u, one they love spending time wit u. they'll entertain u at anytime at all, even they dun hav time for their own. they'll return ur call. they'll text u back. they console u when ur in deep shait. they talk to u in sweet manner - when u need a song to ur ears. u all share s'thg in common and r tied together by memories, tears, ups and downs, laughs and smiles. ur tied together by special kinda love for the other. frenshp is the strangest but sweetest thg - in the world.



and i find my time wit my frens - even thru the phones - as among the best times of my life. my frens r too, my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and life as well.


---


sthg happened to me, today. it opened up my eyes well. i was lost for a while, not knwg wat to do.. how to act, and how to react. but thank God - thgs went well. and i am super-glad for thgs were ok.


to who dis may concern - ur the best-est fren i've ever found. i am glad. and i am blessed. i'll never change for a thang - jst like dat, never.


for the frenshp we had is worth than anythg at all, God sake.




..







damn. i think i've made a silly stupid kinda mistake. i never hav any intention to hurt anyone at all, i was way too excited - tot crackin a joke or two wld make thgs merrier.


but apparently its not. and action-reaction-consequences.


i dun knw wat to do now! :-(


bodoh!!









live, life.




i was done wit my 2hrs lecture dis mornin - to the first sem stdnts. its about 'Human Behavior' i was havin fun teachin em all dis mornin; for 2 reasons - they be scared of me for they r new still, or they mght be really interested in the topic. we discussed about Jean Piaget's Motor & Cognitive Theory in Human Development, Frued's Psychosexual Theory and Eric Erikson's Psychosocial. tho they r new and mght be 'empty' wit all dis - i spent 2 spankin hrs wit em, wit nobdy sleepin, at all. by end of the 2 hrs, i walked out of the hall; smilin puas ati n yeah - i am losin my voice, again.


did my clinical round over psychiatric ward to see the seniors. and again - i had a very good response from the LPs - sayin dat they boys were good, initiated to learn more, asked lot of q's and such.. so - despite of i brought em to the discuss room and bang em all, we spent coupla hrs discussin about quite a number of thgs under the sun.. there was a great feelin growin in me - seein their faces glowin wit satisfaction each time i was able to explained the questions well. and i love their faces - by the time they saw me walkin up to the ward. they r not runnin away from me - but walkin to me indeed. i was wonderin how and why some seniors r complainin dat 'stdnts r runnin away by seein us around'. is dat a thg to be proud of? dat u'd be able to scares the shait out of the stdnts well? i jst cant see any relevance in it anyway. i am not sayin dat i am good (i am lame, alrite - as dat wat u said honey! i am not dat kinda guy 'masuk bakul angkat senirik' wtf). but i gez - treatin em all as a fren rather than a stdnt - it pays, and it shows me good.


done wit all dat - i finally ended up settling myself in the office when i came across a blog dat i am following, talk about 'it must be lonely being you'.. and it reminds me of smthg. or someone, perhaps. as i said before - the losers and the loners who loves to lurk around the net - psychologically they r havin 2 personas. the real-self (i am not sure how real is real, anyway), and the dis-is-myself-while-on-the-net thang. online - they pretend to be darn nice 'pijak semut pun tak mampos'. they potray emselve as 'owh-ppl-i-am-so-lovely-come-and-love-me' kinda thang.. and yeah - they mght be gettin wat they wanted. but then - how long dis can last? u had the answer alrite. and by the time the true colors r out, ppl will throw fits 'omg - i cant believe he's/she's like dat!', 'wtf he/she think he/she is?' and the series of cursin goes on and on.. and finally - ppl will leave u. in sorrow. wit a hole in yr butt - nah, in yr soul. dammit - i dun hav to describe dis. i bet u knew better. coz dats wat life we r live in.


i hardly talked to anyone else lately. i dun really think about dat much now. everybdy's bz, dealin wit own life and thang. i just go wit the flow, and i smiled a lot. and i realised dat i kinda slowin down in updatin my blog. i remember mum said to hav a simple, yet a good life. and never ever get myself into complicated thgs.


and i gez - dats all dat i wanted in life, now.







hardest thg is..













to let go.




  • a failed relationship jst means theres s'thg better out there for u - jst be patient, for theres hope.
  • if u think its time to let go - the be it. jst let go. theres no point in looking back to wat u hav alrdy lost.
  • never xpct love to always be at its best - for it never happens. becoz if u do, u'll never learn to appreciate its existence. learn to appreciate. and learn to anticipate - the bumps and such.
  • when ppl walk away from u - let em go. its not ur choice. its theirs. it doesnt mean dat ur useless. and it doesnt mean they r bad ppl, it jst means dat their part in ur story - is over. get rid of it. get a new one.
  • loving means u want the best for him/her even if it means swallowing the sad reality dat the best - jst isnt u.
  • one of the hardest thgs in life is lettin the person u love the most - walk away to reach his/her own happiness.
  • its better to let someone walk away from u than all over u.
  • jst b'coz ur not his/her everythg anymore, doesnt mean ur nothg for him/her.. now.






love? in the morn? *puke*













u gotta learn how to appreciate it,
while u hav it - in hand!






LOVE - we think about it, we dream about it, we cant sleep worryin about it. when we dun hav it; we complain, we search for it and when we discover it; we dun knw wat to do wit it, never learn how to appreciate it, and we let it slip away. and then we fear losing it. and darn the cycle goes on. its our source of pleasure and plain but we cant predict which it will be from one moment to next. its short word, its four-letter words, its easy to spell, its difficult to define, and its impossible to live - wit out it.



damn. wats got into me eh?






Tuesday, January 25, 2011

good night!







i wish i knw wats in others head. i wish i knw wat in their head - if they hav good thgs or they jst hav plain shait in mind. i wish i can read ppl intention - if they wanna use u, or they love to be used. i wish i knw how to read ppls head - if they really mean wat they said, or they jst said thgs they dun even knw wat the heck they r sayin. syain thgs w/o a proper meanin. i wish i can read others well - so i can always jst stay away, put up a gap and never trust others bluntly - and hurt myself, at the end of the day.


i wish i can read thgs in between - so i wont be a fool, again. i wish i hav the guts to tell ppl wat ever in my head - jst like dat; way before they say thgs and leave me in wonder. i wish i hav guts to put thgs to a stop, before it goes way beyond. i wish i never ever be a damn bloody idiot, a fool - i shld learn thgs well in life, so i wont be stumbling doin the same freakin shait - again and again.



i wish i cld be more assert to myself, to others - so i wont get fooled again. i wish i cld say 'NO' way more frequent - so i can stop makin others feel good and nice - like all the time, smiling away while its me who gotta deal wit all the consequences.



i wish..



i dun knw. g'nite, peeps.





Tiusdey.







its a plain Tuesday. woke up way back at 4am, aku hardly sleep anymore. tossin up and down, around 5.30am, aku alrdy found myself siap2 dgn Nescafe big mug and tunggu azan nak siap2 Subuh and such. 6.30am, aku dah siap kuar to the ofis. sorting thgs out in the ofc - aku baru sedar yg jadual aku clashed - i was havin classes for 3hrs on Human Personality; while at the same time - aku shldve be out of the office for some clinical teaching in few Klinik Kesihatan. duh. how cld dis happen?


so aku finished up classes well. Human Personality. nthg to much ado of. see urself, for urself - u'll learn way better - as i told the stdnts. we've discussed about dis earlier, and outline for the topic pun aku dah bg - as usual, aku expected the stndts to go and do some additional reading, find dis and dat, get em self prepare before the class kick off. and the class went well. dis is the best part of when u started the 'relationship' wit the stdnts by showing em the 'u cant mess wit me' attitude. i gez - they've seen the worst part of me - and they knw how to put thgs properly. the wat and the wheres the gap u cant jst go crossin it, jst like dat. and i gez they've seen the worst of me - during the orientation week, during coupla hrs when i had my voice went 'mis-pitch' in the class when the stdnts do shait. so today - the class went well. wit a jokes cracked ere and they, i ended up the session wit a lot of Q&A, alhamdulillah. as long as they learn - darn i had nthg else to wish for.


after 11am, aku rushed for a break. lapar. and after lunch break - aku ke Greentown, tgk2 stdnts there. discussed wit em all one case clerking and such.. cukup la. belajar sket2 is way better than u go load em all wit so many bloody facts, dat at the end of the day - they din knw wat they learn .. at least - dats wat i believe.


leavin for the gym jap. kinda numb in me. theres so may questions left unattended. perhaps - sometimes, in life - all questions r not meant to hav answers for every each of it. perhaps.


and i gez - dats life is too. ada pasang surut. watever will be, will be.


damn i shall not complaining too much.






Monday, January 24, 2011

in advance!




yayyy!!




gez wat? 2 long sleeves, 2 flat-front pants, 1 tie, 1 belt. dats wat i got at the end of the day. and darn i cant stop smiling. tho it was so predictable dat 'it is like i am gonna get em all', but who cares - its been lama la jugak since i did some shopping on my own baju suar keje and all. and i hav em all - for my advance b'day pressie! haha


u knw - its kinda 'i knw wat i am gonna get' when u had a phone call in the mid of the class askin u 'eh, u pakai suar saiz pe eh? saiz bju? u suka biru eh? hitam?' like dat. and its weird when someone 'asyik tgk wat kinda brand baju keje' u put on when u go to work. its funny. but its damn sweet, i knw.


well, at the age like dis - a simple gesture like dis - wld meant a lot to me. u knw, the more numbers ur havin - puttin up to ur age, ppl tend to go forgettin the whole shait about u. but wit all dis lil petty thang - i am speechless. and damn, i am happy. nope - not for thang dat u got - its the tot, the gesture dat count.


wow. another a week to go!








b'day? hint?

















wat to buy me on my b'day?
its kind of u to ask -
and obviously, i dun knw how to answer dat, really.

hahaha











at random, pt.3 - faces.


























do the caption,
urself!!





at random still. since aku havin the hard-disk wit me, still. i wanted to write about coupla thgs as well, but at the time - nanti2 la.. so - during the 'break' i hope u'll find a way in liking the above pics, perhaps - they r all about faces and such.


enjoy it!






Saturday, January 22, 2011

at random. pt2
































do the caption,
urself..








at random.
























do the caption,
urself!







yeah - i knw. who works on Saturday? i hate seein thgs on Pinkie's wall. hahaha.. and i feel like puttin the dustbin on my head by the time i received a call from Azman - teasin me on the same thang. heh. its ok. hell yeah - i aint workin like every Saturday. and i aint too, on Sunday. wld dat make it equal? *mode pujuk diri senirik* hahaha


in the office now. stdnts r ere and there - some in the hall for classes. some roaming around mcm anak ayam yg mak nya mati kena lenggek dek kete. some r in the zombie mode. some looks like cldnt careless. well, who does? its Saturday la, bai.


gotta go. btw - its random pics to display. i brought in my portable diska-keras and it happens byk pics in there, as well.


i'd love to share em, wit u.