Thursday, July 28, 2011

the nurul thang!

the sisters;
nurul husna adila and nurul husna aleeya

and welcome to the family,
lil kiddo!
dis is -
nurul husna affifah,
at the age of one day..

received a text msg from mak dis morning around 10am - i was struggling wit few thgs i need to submit - but by the time i saw 'mak' name of the screen, aku stopped and grabbed the phone. she hardly send me msges, unless she really running out of time and dun really wanna tax her son's time (dats wat she said).

and it sounds like, 'assalamualaikum along.. nama anak kak yang Nurul Husna Affifah. kak yang ckp dia penat sgt - tak sempat nak bls msg. byk sgt org anta msg kat dia.. ni mak tlg khabarkan' kinda thang. phone in my hand, aku tersandar jap - smiling to myself. damn. wldnt dat sweet enuff to make ur whole life, even merrier? and we r having like the whole 'nurul' now.. nurul adila, nurul aleeya, nurul affifah, nurul aqilah damia and nurul areeyna. i wonder wats 'nurul' next on the line, nanti eh?

aku managed to get myself bz. and aku managed to settle coupla thgs yg dha lama tertunda.

at least - dat'd make me occupied..

p/s; credit to Abg Uda for the above pics.. sorry naaa.. along cepek from ur FB je! hoho

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

holdin on..

its a long day, today. masuk office awal wldnt be somethg new for me - tp start kelas at 7.30am while member2 lain baru nak start kete was a completely somethg else. and so there goes my day - class at 7.30am - 9.30am, then 10am till 1pm, 2 to 5pm. at the end of all these - sengal sgt terasa tumit kaki aku neh - w'pun tak pakai tumit tinggi mcm Kak Ros ye! heh. kerjis. and tekak aku - Ya Rabbana Tuhan je tau.. budak2 ni kdg2 provide some kinda mineral water, kdg2 idak. time dorang provide - kelas sejam, sah2 la aku buat dunno. tp kalo dha hatric mcm ni, tak plak nak letak atas meja as usual. diam dlm ati aku nyumpah ala2. i mean - lite2 and sket2 je. aku pun tak teringat nak byk bekal air ke aper..

but i gez dats the way it is - since last Monday aku cuti, and most of the jadual telah di-reschedule, so aku a bit kelam kabut la.. tp its ok - its manageable. and alhamdulillah - esok aku tadak kelas - so aku bley lepak do the jadual, soalan, and coupla other thgs yg need to be done and anta to Mr Bong by Friday.


thgs change. ppl too. in fact the world, as well. we hate changes, for we love to be the way we r and we try not to change at all - sometimes. but changes - is a must. it happens like everyday.. s/ada u want it, or not.

dats wat i am goin thru now. thgs evolving. and i cant say no - tho God knws how i wish i can hav it stay the way it is, stay the same. but dats impossible. i was kinda shocked still, kinda sad alrite. but then - theres nthg much dat i can do. yet i keep on havin faith dat thgs gonna be alrite, and will be back the way as it used to be.



Tuesday, July 26, 2011

vicious cycle..

Stage 1 - The Meeting
Stage 2 - The Chase
Stage 3 - Honeymoon
Stage 4 - Comfortable
Stage 5 - Tolerance
Stage 6 - The Downhill
Stage 7 - Breaking Up
Stage 8 - Strangers, again.


life's jst like dat!

life's like dat!
when u say its simple
- it says; heh, not as simple as u think!
when u say its difficult
- it says; darn its not as difficult as u might think..
when u say its beautiful
givin a healthy challenge
- it says; huh, ru sure?
when u say life's pathetic
making thgs easier
- it says; chilax la brooo!
when u think u knw it well
it'll confuse u
- and say; u bet!
when u say - has anyone understood u still?
it'll comfort u sayin - someday maybe u will..

well, basically - dats life is.
for life's jst like dat
i am not sure whether i knw it
but deep in me - i am sure i do love it!


3 down, 3 more to go. days like dis really sucks big time. not dat aku malas nak mengajar or masuk kelas - no, since i love doin it. cuma susunan jadual yg kadang2 effect yr mood well, tu je. i had a good time doin the clinical/bed-side teaching pg tadi, 3 hrs on Mental State Examination/Physical Examination for Psych. Patient - argkh, dry i knw.i hav to work well and hard enuff to make the stdnts really 'can see' wats all about. i was planning to bring in a real patient - so they can learn how to interact wit psych pt. and such - tp at the very last minute, pt dah discahrge and the ward tak sempat nak cari replacement. dowh!

and another 3hrs to go; 2 to 5 on Theories of Human Development. lagik dry. huargkhh!

perit dah tekak. i need to go find some drink.


i feel kinda crave for more sleep, still. wit a bit bodyaching ere and there. by 9.30am - aku done wit clinical/bed-side teaching, alhamdulillah. i am now preparing for classes - darn its gonna be full blast today; 10 to 1, 2 to 5. bet after all dis - kering la tekak aku.

i am trying to arrange my schedule well, w'pun it is kinda tight - but i hav to - since starting next week, aku'll be a week away from the office, for thgs aku dah so byk kali re-schedule. therefore - byk kelas aku forward ke minggu ni, instead of next week. aku finally hope, i'll get done wit dis well. tho still - deep in me, aku liat sgt Tuhan je yg tau.

hav a great ToosDay, ppl. and hav a beautiful one.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

'dat' feelin.

everythg was alrite, till i was in ere. kinda weird ambiance - i shall say. i am not sure wats wrong - was it me? or was it not me? ppl r different. different in way - they r not emself like before. the outting shldve been a good time hell yeah - but turned out to be like.. i dun knw. i had my HP7 fabulously interesting.. but dis Transformers at MBO Viva - erm, kinda sucks big time. i love watching movie - but dis is the first time i was kinda wishing i wasnt in there - it was like i am in a wrong time, a wrong place, for a wrong reason. i was puzzled. kinda sad. perhaps - i shldnt be in ere at the first place pun. biar la - perhaps its better for me keep mum over thgs, kalo aku bukak mulut - sah2 kena marah lagi..

i'll finish my thang in ere fast trow, and maybe then - i'll leave to where i belong.

damn i feel so estrange in ere.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

frens, 4eva.

frens. a simple word aye? its uttered like everyday - to almost every person imaginable. who r ur frens? i used to think dat frens were th eppl dat u cld laugh and talk to. now i knw dat frens arent jst dat - darn they r the ppl wh touch ur heart. u cld spend hrs wit em doin nthg at all, and it can be best time of ur life, really. jst b'coz it was wit em. they r ppl u can share u secrets wit, cry wit, laugh wit, and jst hav fun wit. they dun go judging u. they wont make u change. they jst accept u exactly as ur. and they look at u and they see a great person in y, the one they love spending time wit.

u all share sthg in common and tied together by some sweet memories, tears, laughs and smiles. u r tied together by love for the other. u knw wat? i always think dat frenshp is the strangest but sweetest thang in life. in dis whole wide world.

i've learn somethg new today. the feeling of happiness, seeing ur best fren enjoying her best-est time in life. the bond. and such.

beside my fmly - i find my time wit my frens, the best times of my life. my frens r my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter. and too - my tears, my love. and my life.

dis is for all my frens out there - darn u knw who ur!

Pinkie and her big day!

me, Zaama and Dr Shah.
Dr Shah cilok kuar jap from a course kat Hosp Sg Buloh
for her best fren's wedding.

me and Zaama,
and her supa-cool momma Puan Sharifah.

Pinkie and Zainal -
i was like 'whoaaaaaa'.

another or em both -
eh, Zainal is tinggi-er eh?


cool, kan?
Pinkie aint pinkish no-more.

i was ready for Pinkie's kenduri sebelah rumah her husband even way since yesterday. cari hadiah, cari balut hadiah, but i ended up tak balut sendiri.. hahaha.. and i was about to look for baju lain colored grey/silver - since Pinkie told me dat dats the theme for the fmly. yeah - me apart of her rombongan. damn, i am so honored. and theres an incident too - aku lupa nak bwk kamera when she was like hoping for me to take pics on her big day. i knw there'll definitely all those official cameramen, o yeah. but when she knew dat i din bring my gear - she was like, 'its, nvm'. darn i knw she was kinda sentap! mati la aku. and i was idiot enuff telling her dat i'd go around bringing my non-iPhone nor BlackBerry, taking her pics - using my hp. stupid la.. and look at the above. argkh!

dat was when Azman came up wit an idea, to cal Zaama since she's goin to - to get her to bring her camera (or saper2 nyer lah!), and alhamdulillah - she managed to bring me one in. a hell good one, indeed! kamera je la bagus - pics yg aku amek tatau la.. w'pun mula2 a bit kelam kabut since memory card penuh la, nak transfer laptop abes bateri la.. apa la.. fuh! so very the dugaan.

but thgs ended up perfectly. seeing Pinkie not-so-pinkie anymore in purple, wit her beloved macho nyer hubby or her side - i was way too happy. and i gotta chance meeting up coupla nice ppl too - Zaama's mom, Aunty Sharifah aka Aunty Boss, pakcik Che Pa, makcik Emi, Dik La, Shahir her hubby, Dr Shah, Azizi of ChCh (cool la ko, bro! haha) and a lot more. we were sort of havin a good time, makan, wit a live band somemore, snapping pics and such. Joshie pun dtg! wit his wifey and lil Justin. darn u shld see dis lil mini-Joshie, so so cute. calling me 'angkor' despite of 'uncle'. hahaha.. angkor? damn. hahaha

wit all dat - i was happy i'm finally made it to Pinkie's big day. and i hope - she's happy seeing me ere and there snapping pics too. i mean - i always wanna do dat - for dats wat she wants me to do, and its on her big day.. cuma kamera tak bwk. lupa nak mask beg since last minit packing.. maaf ya Pinkie. all the pics dah ada in Azman's lappy. nanti i copy and hantar to u lar, eh?

and makcik Emi - thanks for the mangga. so deli-no-sawan-cious, trust me. and Aunty Sharifah - ur so cool! i was like tergamam jap when u mentioned 'ni Shahe yg sawan nampak carrot tu ye?'. hahahaha.. and i remember she was lookin at me smiling bila aku berdiri cedok kuah dalca yg sah2 byk carrot tu. she told me 'jgn amek carrot, nanti sawan susah'. hahaha.. Zaama, ur lucky havin one damn cool momma hell yeah!

looking back at all dis - one thg strikes my mind. a frenship. a bond of it. i dun knw how to explain - but am sure, so sure sure dat i am one lucky man - to be surrounded wit all dis nice ppl, good frens around me. and i hope thgs will stay the same. it mght bot be the same anymore, of course - dats the fact. but the bond - God knws how i'd love it, and how i want to be exactly the way it is..

congratulation, Mr Zainal and Mrs Zainal. u guys rock!

p/s; Zaama - thanks for the camera. u knw u save my life, really. hoho



the only thg i really wish to do wit my life, is to inspire someone. i want to touch someone's life so much - dat they can genuinely say dat if they never met me - then they wldnt be the person they r, today. i want to save someone; save em from dis cold, dark and lonely world. i wish to be someone's hero, someone dat ppl look up to - even when i'm gone. i only wish to make a change, even if its a small one.

i jst wanna do than jst exist.

Friday, July 22, 2011

the best thg in life..

wats the best thg in life? wats the best thang in life - dat can teach u a thang or two? or perhaps way even more than u can think of? as for me - its the mistake. the mistakes dat u've done. the experience on facing the after-math. nothg better than dat - dat can mold u urself to be a better one, for a betterment.

i am not a wise person. i am learning still. i am learning everyday. and sometimes - thru the process i made some mistakes i think it wld be nthg, i think its cool and i think its fun - yet they ended up kinda shait, taxing my everythg in life. i knw i shldnt be take thgs for granted - dat i gotta make mistakes, and learn. no it isnt. but if u dun make one - u wldnt knw. or perhaps - u knew it back then, but it jst dat u dun knw how far the after-math wld be.

i gez life's like dat. i am one lucky person, alive - alhamdulillah. and i'll make sure i do learn the lesson so well so i wont hav to go down the same road, again. its tiring. tedious. and sickening.

we live life, and we learn. i gez dats how it shld be.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


a very hot day. i feel kinda dehydrated. once i am stayin the office yang sejuk amat2 - another time i am under a very hot sun, makin me feel sort of disorientated. by end of the day - aku reached home dgn rasa penat sgt, haus, and feverish. i gez i mght ended up wit fever at any time, at all.

a weird day too. left me wondering. torturing me wit a lot tots, i cant help myself. keep on seeing the phone - nothg there. ppl r working, they r bz - i keep teeling myself. but its different than usual. i knw - everybdy's bz. but dis is way different - damn i cant help to feel weird, and scared. and i started to hav all the negative thang, floodin up my mind.

i am wishing for somethg good. pls, Ya Allah. hoping thgs will be jst ok.

me, myself and i.

heh. mmg tak de kerja. all the above r sort of self-portrait - taken in various places ranging from er.. i cant really remember when. tp dis yr la.

jst in case u hardly remember how does it looks like. hehe

Monday, July 18, 2011


ur not best fres b'coz u sit together at lunch or talk on the phone, or hav matching flip-flops, or havin some flings, or u can recite each other's wardrobe, phones, or any material thang. ur best frens bcoz when he/she smiles - a grin forces itself across ur face, no matter how mad ur.

when he/she cries, u instantly feel her/his pain and wanna share the pain wit her/him. wanna cry wit her/him. when u look her/him in the eyes - u knw theres no one u cld ever trust more regardless of how many broken hearts u've had.

dats wat it means to be a best frens.


i learn a lesson well today. nthg to do wit me, but i am listening, i am watching.

and i learn well.


its a long dreadful day. hav no class, but i spent time wit my clinical teaching. and doin my lesson plans, slides on new topics and such. i hardly talk to anyone, today. and how i wish i cld. the only nice break i was heaving - was wit Ajak, during the 10am break. he told thgs about works, and such - and aku enjoyed listening.

i tried so hard not to let any negativism around me, effected me. but sometimes, i am so damn hopeless.

and i cant help myself.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

carrot = sawan.

aku tak cerewet when it comes to makan and such. sebut je - asal bersih dah halal, aku bedal. be it restoren ke, kedai mamak ke, tepi jalan ke, bwh pokok ke or even yg hi-class ke haper.. aku tak kisah. sumpah aku tak kisah. again - bersih dan halal.

tp satu yg aku tak bley blah - carrot. yeah. carrot. yg kuning tu. err, no. its not kuning. yg orange kaler tu. yeap yeap. i mean - sayur ke eh? or is it buah? buah carrot? sounds pelik. sgt pelik. sayur carrot? err.. sayur? damn i believe in sayur-mayur - they shld be green in color. and shait, aku sooo in love wit green color nyer sayur mayur. but carrot? euw.

and mlm ni - aku sakit jiwa. kegumbiraan aku nak try mkn kat restoren baru kat Tambun neh - dah lama dah aku simpan - tiap kali lalu dr rumah nak ke Ipoh, aku geget jari tgk restoren neh. and aku simpan niat dlm ati - heh, aku kena jugak dtg mkn kat sini.. and aku did! mlm ni. but then again - heh, tatau la. aku fail sgt2 kalo nak classify dis restoren sedap, dis restoren keji, restoren sana lazat and such. aku tak pandai. dats y kalo member2 dtg and 'Shah, ko bwk aku mkn tempat yg paling heaven kat Ipoh neh' and aku will go sawan on the floor - since aku had no idea! ok - balik ke isu restoren neh - for ur info, masakan dia sedap. ok la.. tp - sumer menu nak taruk carrot. and aku was like, 'eh, perlu ke?'. nasik goreng ada carrot. tomyam ada carrot. telur dadar pun ada carrot! nasib la tea-o ais dia tadak carrot. kalo tak.. heh!

its not a big isu pun. aku tetap mkn licin. cuma nak kutip satu2 and letak tepi - tedious lah! penat. penat lagik dr aku lari IIR baru neh. and it kills my pleasure nak nikmati the hidangan.. and aku tau - its not a big isu pun. ko bley ckp, 'eh bodoh, payah sgt ke? telan je lah!'. mintak mahap. aku tak bley. carrot is sooo like un-telan-able dek tekak aku. be it bagus utk mata ke.. byk beta-carotene ke, haper ke.. sama jugak mcm setgh org yg allergic tgk durian. apatah bau. aku rasa kalo cecah je mulot - sah2 mati cardiac arrest.

aku sumpah cannot go dgn carrot. aku tatau pesal. maybe color dia pelik. or maybe rasa dia yg.. err, pe rasa carrot eh? maybe since u call it sayur - tp kaler orange. euw. sayur shld be green kan?

aku tatau. and aku rasa - tu je la kot aku pi makan kedai tu. malas dah aku weh!


where can i buy dis tee eh?

p/s; someone told me 'lain kali masak seniri'. hahaha.. baek!!

as u go along..

i love the above quote. it means a lot, really. i always think dat life is full of beauty. its beautiful. i knw life can never be as perfect as u can imagine. as thgs in Neverland. sometimes - there r those moments dat u feel like u jst want to skip and be done wit it - but dammit, u cant. of course u cant, silly. life is those moments dat u hav to go thru. be it - u want it, or not. be it - u love it, or u hate it. theres no remote control in life where u can rewind and fast forward the moments. damn - if it is so, i definitely will get one for me, hell yeah! but the fact is - there is no such.

no way too, u can freeze time. but if ur able to see the meaning of each moments u've been thru - whether it is good or bad - u'll find the life is bloody worth to live. anyway - if u see see couple of my posting before on 'wat life is', u'll see dat life is subjective. life can be describes as many different thgs to other ppl. and someone even said dat life is like an endless marathon. dun u love the term? well, hate me - but i do. jst like wat i said - u cant freeze time, u cant click the 'pause' button in life - for there r none. u jst gotta go.. and continue ur life as u go along.

life is a marathon! i heard various version of wat life is. u name it, u got it. life is a gift - enjoy it. life isnt a dance on roses - dun get ur hopes too high. life is a battle - dammit, fight for it! life is a box of chocolate - u never knw wat ur gonna get - u mght be surprised sometimes, be happy anyway. life is a bitch - hardships await u. some even say life sucks (err, i do - sometimes!) - so wat, shit happens sometimes. life is beautiful - fateful and tragic last words. the fact is - i think we r all missing the point. life is just life lah. and u mght say - life is an endless marathon. dats wat i think. it din come free. so if it is true - then wat? wat r most important success principles in a marathon?

needless to say, u need to hav enuff energy and resource to succeed. u need to be tenacious. u need to hav a strong mind. u need to use ur strength wisely and skilfully. u need to hav faith, hell yeah. u shld never lose ur trust in urself under any circumstances and never let the final goal slip out of ur mind. u must not be ruthless to ur fellow runners. kindness and helpfulness can go a long way. be grateful for any help u receive on the way. u also need to remember - any short term success surely add to the final success. and any small set back - is jst a temporary set back. yet the final score is not yet decided.

armed wit dis knwledge - u will not be devastated when u find urself in a temporary slump. the final score is wat it counts. u mght be surprised in the end of the march. it is not the strongest dat wins. it is somethg else.


Saturday, July 16, 2011


Poh Kong's?


she's pretty,

its a big day, fabulous day for both indeed. for Noraziah ChePa aka Pinkie and her hubby Mr Zainal Shukri. i shldve be there, but i cant. i am sorry Pinkie. but i bet ur havin a really good time - it a hell one big time for u, for him. and for me as well. i'll do the next week, insyaAllah.

all the very best, Pinkie. and Zainal too. its a brand new world, yeah. i pray to God above - u both will be alrite, happily ever after. and yeah - cepat2 la eh, nak anak sedara weh! yg syumil2 ya. hehe

God, i am so happy for u Pinkie. for u both, definitely.

p/s; err, Pinkie - ampun.. cepek ur pics from ur FB. and credit to Zaama, cantik gambar! thanks.


at time like dis, i wish i cld do better than jst dis. i wish i cld do somethg to ease the whole pain, the whole situation. i wish i cld do somethg to make others happy, rather than stayin in deep shait.

aku feel kinda hopeless. really.


had a nice productive day, i shall say. woke up a lil late - aku mandi, breakfast and terus do some chores around - in and out of the house, in towel still. as mak ckp - in towel is my kinda uniform kat rumah, while on leave. bley? aku finally managed to clean up all the bilik air's, sapu and mop the lantai well. and aku done wit cuci dua2 fountain dpn and sebelah rumah - sian ikan2 dlm tu, air kotor giler.. aku sempat jugak tgk mini-taman yg rumput dah mcm tak terbela tu. and aku do wat needed. by the time aku siap - it was like 2pm. baru mandi.

by 3pm sthg aku dah restless tatau nak buat apa. the house was like so sunyi, empty. i am ok wit it, but kinda bosan really. aku Zohor dan blah pi gym. tak ramai org - and aku glad aku had the whole floor to myself. Brian pun tadak. double heaven. so i can do wat i wanna do. and for today - after like so many weeks - aku decided to start it slow je la. kalo tak - mati keras bila smpai rumah nanti. do the treadmill, and chest plus a bit on shoulder. by 5pm lbey - aku dah drenched giler, and aku decided to balik je. singgah pasar mlm - for nothg heavy. teringin nak minum soya bean - so dats wat i am havin now. heaven!

kinda pissed of wit coupla thgs. and aku seriously think dat aku dah mula lali and started to opt for dis 'lantak la' attitude. u never knw when aku r so deep wit the 'lantak la' attitude - u'll hate me for dat, really. and as for me - dis is not good, really. tp aku dah sort of penat. entah la. but then, aku still hope for good thgs to shine, i knw it is.

Maghrib now. aku nak mandi, solat. its idiotbox-time soon. and aku mght as well off to bed early. beside aku feel fresh and such - the body-ache starts to creep in, hell yeah.

think of goin out of town trow. a short trip.

take me.

today i decided which organs to donate in case of death and i'll let my fmly knw. eh?

all of em. but i dun plan on ever being dead, so dis is kinda moot. but if somehow smthg goeas wrong wit my plans - damn, all of em, yeah. as u may or may not knw - my funeral plans r very specific. which is odd, since i dun ever plan on needing a funeral - but my plans r so awesomely outrageous dat they need to be planned whether i turn out to be immortal or not.

take out all my organs - donate em, then replace em wit explosives and sew me back up. then - at the end of the service, 'TNT' by AC/DC will be played and i will be detonated. so yeah - take all my organs and let someone else benefits from my superior awesomeness.


damn i am tired. think i shld take a lil nap. filling up all dis forms - enuff to make me insane. and how i am goin to tell my parent/family? dat i am donating?



do u knw wats one of the saddest sounds in dis whole wide world? children playing. there is jst somethg about sittin in ur study room wit the windows open - listenin to their joy and laughter.

its like there is some sort of magic goin on outside and u cannot help to see wat it is. dat u can yet, no longer join in on. somethg u can no longer grasp. a secret club u cant remember the password to.

and u realize dat u've grown up.



Friday, July 15, 2011


and sleep tite!

its Fly-Day!

g'morning.. assalamualaikum.

i cant really sleep. crashed around 11pm, by 4am aku dah wide awake. alhamdulillah, ok la tu. 4am dah consider jst nice bagi aku - nowadays. iron baju, mandi, solat.. aku golek2 jap tunggu Subuh while doing a bit of mobile internet. mls weh nak on lappy, lepak bilik study..

theres somethg strikes me by surprise. and it thrills me. i cant stop smiling. but then - it was jst for a while. it turns out - thgs r not 'bagus', still. and i cant help to feel bad, as well. damn i wish i can be doin somethg better to help thgs out - so no one will be in deep shait, really.

org dah start mengaji ayat2 suci. aku can hear it so damn well, from ere - from my room. it is nice to hav all dis, sementara azan Subuh. it soothes me a lot, it sort of reminds me thgs dat i am lacking of, reminds me dat i am nothg on dis whole wide world. dat aku kecik je - for theres somethg lebih dr apa yg u mght think of, up there.

i'll continue wit my prayer. hoping thgs will get better. for me. for u. for everybdy. insyaAllah.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

a day..

its aint my day. not a day dat i'd call it a good, productive day - it was jst a plain day - wit nothg special in it. i knw - everyday is special on their own. ur breathing still, ur moving still on dis round world. but then again - if i were given a second chance to start the day, again - i'll do dat alrite, for i dun keen to hav dis kinda day, like today - in my life, really.

done wit my 3hrs class wit Sem 3 on Drug Dependence and Abuse, aku lepak jap kat ofis lama since i need to kemas2 sket and pick few thgs yg aku belum bawak ke new building. since its alrdy 1pm, aku jst stay back je terus - 2pm my own stdnts will be in, and i mght as well 'jenguk' kejap budak2 aku neh - K28 - since dah dkt seminggu i din see em all. aku bgtau Mr Bong yg aku nak amek his 5mins from his 60mins class - and he's ok wit dat. it was nice to stand in front of ur 93stdnts - telling thgs, dis and dat - like aku used to do, for the whole last semester. i kinda miss it, alrite. kinda miss them all, as well. and it was nice to hear a voice or two screaming from the back sayin 'lama tak jumpak Sir Shah.. rindu' kinda thang. yeah - rite. its cliche. dorang nak rindu aku yg byk 'nyusahkan' idup dorang? u tell me about dat. i was kinda skeptical, but deep in me - i was like.. wow. awesome. i dun knw. it cld be some plain words. i am used to all those sweet words pun. u can say dat like thousand times, but to mean it every single thang - dats totally different.

few new info hits the shore alrite. i refused to take it seriously. for i dun wanna get hurt. i shldnt be hard on myself. and i shldnt be hard as well on others. life's too short pun for all those thang.

i shall jst take and smile. i dun need to analyze pun. as much as i can. and sementara aku mampu.



theres so much dat i wanna say - dat i hardly lay em down properly, i gez. theres so much dat i wanna say, too - dat by the end of the day - i din see any relevance of putting it in ere pun; when it helps me alrite after the ventilating myself, yet other wld think dat i am kinda lame. i knw i shldve face dat and shove my mid-finger rite in front of their faces - let em fly their own kites, but some how or rather - it hurts.

u feel superior if ur able to talk bad thgs about others - simply becoz 'dat ppl, r bad, and ur not. u'll feel great when u wld able to condemn others - simplu for it'd make u feel good, especially when others wld buy yr stories.

i knw i am not as good as ur. i knw i am lacking. bad. and useless. but dats not the reason u can cling on - to bad mouthing at my back.

and i tot u r my fren.

damn i never get the hang of dis kinda ppl. wat r u tryin to prove, anyway?


pesal font lain plak entry aku tadik? heh.

wat a day!


i thk my fav aspect of keepin this personal 'blog entirely public (i know it aint dat public, anyway), is that often i have to say how i feel w/out disclosin the precise details. i don't say "XYZ bad things happened and it's ABC's fault so i'm doing 123 things to fix it." specific issues, advice, and words are short-lived and dun apply to others beyond myself. therefore i generalize and try to look at how and why things happen instead of tryin to figure out what exactly to do in this one instance. i have my friends and family for that; how unfortunate of them. or is dat - how fortunate i am? well - which ever it mays imply.

when faced with problems beyond our control, each of us reacts and deals with them in our own unique ways. how we confront a -ve force depends on our personality and understanding of the world - you know wat i am tryin to say, rite?. while it is very difficult to change our innate personalities, it is relatively easy to adapt our philosophical views over time to help us deal with life better. i think. regardless of how aware we are of our own views on life, everythin in dis world is shaped by what we thk abt abstract terms like good, right, justice, karma, greed, equality, success, friendship, and love.

a person's notion of success might make their views on greed benign. dat is to say, in order to achieve success, dat person will not consider greed as a strongly -ve trait (trait is - go to yr diction and check). we hav ppl dat solace in karma n thk dat good thgs will happen to good ppl. we hav ppl who thk dat justice is only wat they themslves agree wit. i knw ppl dat equate frenshp wit networkin for potential personal. again. how u thk of these few words is wat or how u thk of the world. i thk. wat u thk of the world is how u will act and react thruout yr life. some thk dat wat is good is rite and some blve equality shld hav limits. dammit - i am not sure if u understand all dis anyway.

it is the diffrence btw yr personal understanding of these words dat couses all the problems in the world. if we had a stndrd definition for abstarct terms like dis; darn - life wld be much easier. socrates once questioned dat justice was and everyone from cheesy pop musician to saintis; or who ever u named it wld be.

it is no possible 4us 2agree on wat smthg is but its quite ez to agree on wat it isnt. duncha thk so? love isnt selfish, abusive, or conditional. justice doesnt necessarily hav to make every side happy. rght doesnt mean dat it must feel good. we all make mistakes n we all make short-sighted decisions. true test of yr abilities is how you recover from your failures. for some, its as simple as fessin up and saying "ops! i screwed up!" n 4 others, it is unleashin yet another round of lies upon lies to cover up past acts of deceit. u cant waste yr time on them; their definition of love, greed, and good is completely screwed up.

i am not sure i understand wat i am tryin to tell u in ere anyway. and i am not sure as if u understand them well, either. well - wat the heck still - dis is jst a plain shait of tot; i am dead boring in ere.

so to whom dis may concern - be strong. we all make mistakes. we all shld learn well from em all. but if we keep on doin the same mistakes - then we shld put our asre down, take a break - and think. u dun wanna be called as a moron aye, by doin the same mistakes again and again? dis is yr life, anyway. and it aint her/his or anyone's at all. it is yrs..

i gez - i am kinda good in givin ppl a tot. but when me myself screwed up - God Lord. heaven knows.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

a long day..

had 2 meetings back to back.. i hate to confess aku menyampah attend meetings chaired by a lady. fussy sgt. theres so many big big thgs to discuss.. tp ended up all those silly lil petty thgs jugak yg dibincang nyer.. lemas perut la aku. imagine budak2 pi mkn early dinner kat luar pun jadik hal! since 'kantin kan ada' kinda thang. tu je dah dkt 30mins bncg. darn aku cant imagine all dis conventional, old female lecturers sumer2 neh. we r dealin wit an adult. teenagers. u dun expect to 'kurung' em and make em melantak kat kantin. after all, they hav the rite to choose! aku yg bengkek ni, sound jugak Cik Saw big boss tu. bukan aper - aku serabut. tu je.

finally i am home by 9.30pm. i am done wit work around 5.30pm and aku terus head for Pizza Hut, meeting up Syed for a drink. chit chat a bit - tgk2 dah 7pm. smpai rumah - tak salin baju pun, terus Maghrib and out for a proper dinner. ended up kat KFC Bercham - kenyang giler.. aku brought back coupla works yg aku ingat bley aku siapkan by tonite - but then; aku dun think so.

now dat i am done wit the shower, i've jumped into my boxer - aku rasa penat sgt. physical and mental. theres coupla thgs running up in my head - but i refused to think anymore - be it lah. its not like i am not havin tomorrow to deal wit all dis. for now - aku jst nak golek2, and hav some time on my own.

i hope trow will be a better one, insyaAllah.


i am done wit the first 2hrs of the class - on Human Development. i gav them the outline for the lecture, discuss dis and dat, open the floor for the Q&A session, and off i go. after all - i dah bg assignment for em all to go back and read on few coupla thgs regarding the topic, awal2 lagik. and supposedly - the other 2hrs is for the Jean Piaget, Sigmund Freud and Erik Erikson's theories - and gez wat? kelas aku dibatalkan. nope. bukan aku yg batal, tp pihak pengurusan. since budak2 ni ada taklimat insurance watever not. geram jugak aku. since aku dah atur susun jadual aku elok2, suka2 mak bapak dorang je cepek time aku for all those bulshait. supposely, they shld locate dat particular hrs on its on - bukan main amek je masa org lain.

geram, geram jugak. tp sah2 la ada hikmah. at least - aku 2j je kelas ari neh. bley aku buat keje2 lain sket. aku relax my throat too.and at least the stdnts had more ample time to read the hands-out before aku further wit the class, nanti.

heh. wat an excuse to sejuk kan ati, eh? still - aku geram.

Ajak tadak. Apiz pun tadak. Amer je tinggal - tu pun aku tgk bz semcm je. Fina is around - dia ada kelas. Rod tak nampak. semenjak we move to new building neh - we r like away from one another, nak jumpak pun pyh. Ajak and Apiz kat tgkt atas - aku, Ameer, Fina and Rod kat tgkt bwh. nak jumpak pun time brunch, lunch je la.. mencitt. tak bley dah pi melangut bilik2 member, duduk ber-guspi etc. working wit all these nursing lecturers r so different - dorang mcm zombie perempuan - nak melawak pun skema. haish, tak pandai aku! dorang asek duduk ngadap pc, buat lesson plan. i mean - alarrrr.. pls lah. aku pun buat lesson plan, aku pun ngajar jugak. suffocate sgt!

aku kat ofis lama jap. ada few thgs yg aku perlu bwk pi ofis baru. best plak lepak sorang2 sini.. hehe


g'morning. assalamualaikum!

woke up early today. 3.30am - aku dah terkelip2 mcm ikan puyu in bed. geram jugak. since aku crashed in around 11.30pm. berapa je je eh, aku lena mcm neh? around 4am - aku dah giv up. penat weh, tossing up and down, forcing the eyes to get some rest - while ur mind refused so, tetap nak wandering all over places. so be it - aku bgun, mandi, solat, iron baju.. and terbungkang downstairs infront of the idiotbox. by now - aku dah siap in working attires pun - cuma nak pi start kete je, which aku rasa too bloody early, still.

aku had 3hrs of class semlm. wit the junior. Psycho - An Intro. kinda nice to hav such class after like months aku din hav any. and i knw - hrs of classes awal2 semester ni mmg heavy for me, tp i knw i'll manage it well. cuma bila clash dgn clinical teaching nyer jadual yg buat aku malas sgt - kena reschedule and such. damn how i wish i cld jst cancel any one of em, jst like dat. er, i knw i can. hehe..

another 4hrs, today. on Human Development. gonna be heavy on theories and such. gotta knw how to make the class enjoyable - or else, sumer pakat2 tdo. and i'd get angry. and i'll shooo a few out of the hall.. gtew.

line internet kat building baru still tak dak. line telefon pun mcm c*pap. komputer baru - tp software mcm ampeh, esp Microsoft Office yg sah2 kena activate wat ever not thru internet. and again - internet tadak. i am not complaining, tp payah la nak buat keje.. thank God i am teaching those hrs yg i've been teaching, before. kalo dpt topik baru.. sah2 la aku mengelupur.

gotta go. nak hav my mornin Nescafe, panaskan kete and off lah.

u hav a great day, yok!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

mushy-mushy; love.


its easy to say 'i love u' - but wats more important when ur brave enuff to say 'i love u' to ur loved one - is the meaning behind it. i mean - u say it, wit the meaning of it. and do u really mean it? or u jst saying it for the sake of everybdy does. or ur saying it jst like ur saying any other thgs? or u say it a lot - yet ur doin r not showing, dat u really r. or perhaps - u say it and u dun even knw wat ur saying. duh! i am tellin u dis - if ur any one of the before - forget it. ur kinda ppl who makes the saying 'i love u' sounds so bloody cheap. and meaningless. cliche. for when u say 'i love u', u say it wit ur heart and mean it - it means dat u actually love him/her no matter wat.

love - as for me - is not so great mystery dat we shld find ourselves tryin to explain wat the hell it is and quantifying it as well. we knw when we r loved and we knw when we r not. we knw when we love someone and we knw when we do not.

i am not speakin of lust and infatuation. those thgs do not come close to wat love is. lovin another is not about wat u receive. lovin another is simply givin urself. all dat ur. it can never be about wat u get. coz if it is - ur then so in love wit ur own self, and dat is somethg else.

when i love u and u tell me u do not love me - do i stop loving u? if i say yes - then my love was given wit conditions. is dat love dat anyone of us really wants? if i believe dat u love me - i want to knw dat i can totally screw up and disappoint those dat love us. if i become fearful dat i will 'lose' ur love if i act wrongly - than i must believe ur love comes wit conditions. is dat wat we really want? i want to love. and to be loved, God sake.

i did not say 'i want to love and to be love in return'. i do love. those dat i love will receive all dat i am. they do not need to giv me anythg. not even their love. they can lie to me, they can abuse me, they can tell me dat they hav never loved me and i will still love em. does dat sound hard? crazy? is it really possible to love someone dat way? darn, u tell me.

as for me - yes to both questions. to love another unconditionally is the hardest thg u will ever do. no conditions means absolutely no conditions. when u get to the point - dat u can honestly say dat u love another unconditionally, u will wonder how u cld love any other way.


darn, dun go askin me wats got into me, tonite. i am ok.

theres nothg wrong to go mushy-mushy and talk about love, once in a blue moon, aye?


Monday, July 11, 2011

balik kampung thang.

a pleasant weekend. kenduri and such. i managed to spent time nicely, alhamdulillah. away from work et al. and today - Monday - aku kat kampung. lama tak balik rumah rumah mak abah. lama sgt. mak abah pun dah nak tarik muka.. especially mak. so ari ni - aku amek cti, spend time kat rumah mak - doin nothg. smpai kg terus ke dapur.. breakfast pagi tadi din do me any good - the chapati kat Muhamaad Bistro Tambun tu totally fail. chapati kering. gulai tak sedap. kuah sardin manis. heh. and gez wat? mak dah siap masak! masak lemak ikan wit belimbing, ikan perkasam, ikan goreng plus smbal belacan and pecal. aku was like.. argkh. diet? wadepak?

as usual, aku tak masuk keje - ader je call dr ofis. student la, post-basik la, Mr Bong la, Apiz la, Fina la, Ajak g tadak kwn ajak aku kuar mkn la, apa la.. argkh. aku tgk je skrin blinking2, malas aku nak angkat. tak pe pe yg penting pun bagi aku time2 mcm ni. since - aku cuti! hohoho

mak dok ngomel2 since tv dpn dah tak berapa elok. tv yg aku bg dulu pun dah rosak, byk kali dah masuk repair rupanya. yet mak tak bg tau saper2 pun. but today - she did tell me so, and how she 'tgk tv kat kedai Ah Heng kat Selama.. cantik' kinda thang. hahaha.. she's my mak, i knw wat she's implying. so Ah Heng we go - wit mininyet Kimie and Hazwan. mak ad abg ngah. mak senyum lebar bila tgk her new LCD. kak ngah came up wit a proposal - kongsi duit adik beradik to get mak the lcd. aku ikut je la..

shall be leaving for Ipoh early trow morning. byk keje actually - tp mls nak buat pe2. nak lepak2 sembang dgn mak abah je. angah plak sibuk nak balik mlm ni - frust aku. dia ckp baju skol segala bagai anak2 dia tak siap lagik. and aku dlm proses nak rasuk areyna, kimi, hazwan so dat ley pujuk mak dorang balik esok pg2 je senang.. heh.

erk, bubur durian anyone? damn. mkn lagik.

Friday, July 8, 2011



the thang about life dat i've learned is dat ur gonna get hurt. perhaps - u mght as well gonna get emotional nites and cry urself to sleep for hrs. ur goin to suffer some kinda loss too.

but u will also have those moments where u heal - after all the shyte u've gone thru. those moments r the best. u feel like u smile for the first time, again. u feel like ur alive again, for God sake.

life just kinda restarts, all over again.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


foolish games

you took your coat off and stood in the rain,
you're always crazy like that.
and I watched from my window,
always felt I was outside looking in on you.
you're always the mysterious one with
dark eyes and careless hair,
you were fashionably sensitive
but too cool to care.
you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
besides some comment on the weather..

well in case you failed to notice,

in case you failed to see,
this is my heart bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees, and..

these foolish games are tearing me apart,

and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
you're breaking my heart.

you're always brilliant in the morning,

smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
sour philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
you loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
as I clumsily strummed my guitar.

you'd teach me of honest things,

things that were daring, things that were clean.
things that knew what an honest dollar did mean
i hid my soiled hands behind my back.
somewhere along the line, I must've got
off track with you.

well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,

somebody who gave a damn,
somebody more like myself.

these foolish games are tearing me apart,

and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
you're breaking my heart.

you took your coat off,

stood in the rain,
you're always crazy like that..


i am sorry..

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

wat is a man?

i stumbled into dis on; titled 'How To Be A Man; Characteristics of a Real Man'. read dis. i had a tuff time readin it, alrite. hahaha.. perhaps, u wanna read it. and u wanna print it out. and u wanna thumbtack it on ur desk - and u can thank me later. hav a good time then! haha..

A man carries cash. A man looks out for those around him — woman, friend, stranger. A man can cook eggs. A man can always find something good to watch on television. A man makes things — a rock wall, a table, the tuition money. Or he rebuilds — engines, watches, fortunes. He passes along expertise, one man to the next. Know-how survives him. This is immortality. A man can speak to dogs. A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere. A man knows how to sneak a look at cleavage and doesn't care if he gets busted once in a while. A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.

A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.

Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale breast, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the snatch, by the wrist, the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee. When his woman bends to pick up her underwear, he feels that thrum that only a man can feel.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.

A man looks out for children. Makes them stand behind him.

A man knows how to bust balls.

A man has had liquor enough in his life that he can order a drink without sounding breathless, clueless, or obtuse. When he doesn't want to think, he orders bourbon or something on tap.

Never the sauvignon blanc.

A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his ass.

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man gets the door. Without thinking.

He stops traffic when he must.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't forever line up with conservatives, either.

A man knows his tools and how to use them — just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.

A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw.

A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Drinking, playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.

He knows how to lose a month, also.

A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.

A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.

Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.

A man loves driving alone most of all.

Style — a man has that. No matter how eccentric that style is, it is uncontrived. It's a set of rules.

He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run. He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection. It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this — to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free. You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. The hell if you know what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.


argkh, too long to read. can i puke now? haha

u dropped ur.. on the floor?

aku found dis image somewhere on the net. its funny alrite. and its personal, too to me. its funny how we all tend to think long before we do somethg really, really simple. the situation is like dis;

'you dropped food on the floor (or any other surface).
do u eat it?'

turns out dat before we do somethg really simple, we had a long process of thinkin in out head. and aku remember waktu kecik2 dulu - mak came up wit dis 'teori' aku called as '2 Secs Theory' where if u dropped ur food on sort of clean surface less then 2 secs - all u hav to do is, pick it up, tiup2 sket (or clean it up accordingly) and put it in ur mouth. and it is safe. but if its drop down more than 2 secs., then forget it. since mak ckp 'dah tak elok dah'. but then - tgk la wat kinda surface dat food jatuh on.. tak la smpai kalo jatuh dlm longkang ke, jatuh atas ur sister's shyte ke..

when i think back - basically aku still do dat. since kecik lagik. mak didik us to not membazir rezeki masing2, for it is 'tak baik'. we came from a small, keluarga yg sederhana senang - i can see dat clearly. and aku understand it well.

but dat was me. i am not sure about u.

u mght want to look at the chart above. and hav a pleasant day ahead!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

life is..

wanna ride?

life is an emotional roller coaster. i am sure positively it is. no one can be happy all the time and no one can be sad like most of the time. its all about balancing feelings and emotions. u'll never knw wat it feels like to be happy if u dun knw how it feels like to be sad - and vise versa.. rite? so - imagine dat ur riding in a roller coaster of life, full of ups and downs - highs and lows - wat is the best thg u can do?

for sure the best thg u hav to do is to buckle up - hold tight and jst go along wit the ride - go wit the flow. theres no way u can stop it and its impossible for u to jump. therefore - u mght as well enjoy the ride altho it is ok for u to be afraid or scared at some point of the roller coaster ride. dats wat life is about. coz life, is like dat.

the last coupla of my days has been like a roller coaster ride. i've gone thru a mixture of emotion and feelings. there were times dat i feel happy, there were sad moments as well - there were times when i feel so worried about thgs and there were also times when i feel like givin up, disappointing some ppl and feel like being offended by some ppl. its all there - different kinda feeling and emotion. but i do knw and i do realize dat those thgs i've gone thru r there to make me stronger, or even to make me be thankful (when i am at my happy moments).

i knw dat certain thg happen for a certain reason. we r living in a world in which we cant control wat other ppl r doin or will do to us. but for sure - we r responsible for our own actions dat will lead to out emotions and feelings. watever it is - we jst hav to go thru wit a positive attitude and surely the moment will pass u by. God sake - it will definitely pass u by. and in the end - u'll be the one carrying a big bag full of experience of emotions and feelings.

the week is not even done as yet - but as for me; i learn a lot, really. i learn my lesson well. about coupla thgs. about how crucial it is to be more sensitive toward others, and how u shld never look down on petty thgs - for it mght be disastrous if u do, later. and i learn how to appreciate ppl while they r around u and such.

life is beautiful - for its never be dat boring. trust me.

Monday, July 4, 2011


it happened so fast. it was like - darn u never think of anythg like dat wld happen. especially towards special ppl around u. i was there before 8.30am at the juniors' while they were having the assembly - giggling away - as usual, wit Ameer and Puan Roslina, when Mr Ahmad Khairudin Ihsan came in - asking 'apa yg kelakar sgt'. Ameer briefed him, he laughed away. we chit chat for a while, until he left us - for somethg i dun really bother pun. Mr AKI is like dat - soft-spoken, polite, he talks when he needs to - making his presence somehow, un-noticeable.

around 10am - aku was at the new office wit few others, nak kemas2 pe patut bilik aku yg tunggang langgang - and all our big boxes - kena angkat sendiri ke tempat masing2. and aku remember how me and Azhar was tryin to help Mr AKI so hard - since he located at Level 2, tp kotak2 dia was left at Level 1 by all dis logistic nyer org. he was tryin to lift one of the box using a small trolley when the handle patah. me and Azhar, and Mr AKI himself - we had a good laugh.. and i went for a lunch at mamak wit Amer and Ajak after dat - leaving Azhar and Mr AKI dealing wit their own thgs there.

2pm - Academic Meeting. i hardly see Mr Nazri and Zainullah in. meeting went on as usual, when suddenly Mr Ismail came up to Mr Elen, whispering somethg - Mr AKI was in Casualty, and under resus. i was shocked. we were shocked. Elen called off the meeting instantly, and i rushed into Ajak's car wit Ameer - off to Hosp. Ipoh.

but we were too late for anythg at all. Mr AKI alrdy left us for cardiac arrest. i was sort of cryin - seein him there lying motionless, in his working shirt still. Abg Din, Amed and others were there alrdy, sampai before us. we stood still, dun knw wat to think. Me Nazri told me dat he went back for a lunch break, had a mild diarrhea, discomfort around chest area - and called Nazri up for a help. Mr AKI was send to KKTR, and otw to HBI (in the ambulance), he collapsed. i spent some time wit everbdy, bawa his anak to mortuary, sent his son back home, ikut van jenazah. the son was crying all the way, silently.. and i jst dun knw wat to say.

i am home now. there'll be majlis bacaan tahlil held at our surau tonite, and i am goin. i am sad. shocked. Mr AKI - he is a good man, a very very good man. i remember working under him for a while - he was my ex-HDO before - and i had no problem at all. no problem, at all.

i lost my senior today, my fren. it was the end of his struggle in dis world - and i knw - insyaAllah, thgs will be jst fine for him there.

and suddenly i feel kinda down. we never knw when will our time is up. we never knw. no one knws. and i thank God - i am still ere, breathing for all the love ones. and i dun knw when it'd be mine.



starting the morning as early as 6am - aku had to be KSKB UK for senaman pagi for the juniors, and a bit of aerobic. done by 7.30am, aku drove back home - mandi2 and tukar baju. nthg much for today - cuma aku hav to see my own stdnts at 8.30am - brief em all on few thgs, and let em all go off - since SUB dah umumkan; there'll be no academic session until 7 July, since masing2 bz pindah. and everybdy need sometime to re-adjust to start the whole thang.

not a good day for me - i started it sour. lesson to learn - explanation after the event occurred is never convincing, alrite. tot its nthg. tot its jst a simple thang - no biggie. but dammit i forget - dat 'tot' is my tot and not others. i forget to put myself in others' shoes thus i take thgs litely. theres nthg to hide, God sake - i've learn my lesson (dat lesson) really well, way back then. in fact - i hav nthg to hide pun. but i swear to God, i never tot dis wld happen.

the tot of sharing the joy, the happiness.. and story of dis and dat of wat i went thru - went off to the drain. i was waiting for the weekend to be over, so i can sharing thgs well.

but its my fault. gotta deal wit it, alrite.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

IIR2011, done! yay.

me, before the run.
see my face - muka kecut.

Yim - damn i am so proud
to be able to hav dis wit him!

me, the after-math.
yay!! er, dpt sijil. nak frame.
bley? haha

me and Yim.
he did 21km and dpt medal.
bravo! one day, mister!
one day! hoho

today started as early as 5am. i was still yawning, yet i hav to head the washroom - since before 6.30am - aku dah kena register kat Jabatan Belia dan Sukan around Stadium Ipoh for the Ipoh International Run 2011. by 6.15am - aku alrdy there, kinda lost dammit. so many ppl, a bit chaotic. dis is my first time runnin for such event - and gez how i feel? 2 kali berulang tandas, pedih perut - since tak sempat breakie. aku tak fikir breakie is the main poin pun - aku hardly had breakie on ordinary days. aku was to anxious and gelabah. dats the point. stumbled into Shah, Yim. kinda nice seein him around. talkin to them made me way better. both of em dan sort of pro., runnin ere and there.. aku rasa kecik sgt, dammit. and Yim - he's in baju Melayu biru sepasang siap sampin!! he's opt for 21km. argkh. pengsan. haha

aku siap bwk iPod aku - so dat aku wldnt feel boring during the running. and gez wat - fcuk since aku lupa nak charge, and the battery was like completely drained out! big time. senyum je la..

7am, aku started lari. damn! the adrenalin r all over the places. different kinda ppl. different kinda races. age. gender. clad in all different kinda colors, baju and such. it was nice to be in the middle of a huge sea of ppl - heading for one point. surprisingly aku can keep my runnin in a good pace wit all others, and aku hardly stop. cuma after like 4km, aku started to catch breath, and aku slowed down a bit. u may smile sheepishly, but 10km is a huge number for me - and during my ordinary jog pun, 2km pun dah enuff torturing me. but dis is 10km - for a beginner, for a plain guy yg tak do any praktis prior the run - and never join such event pun. hahaha

and gez wat? aku finally finished up the whole deal w/in 8omins. God knws how glad i am, how happy i am. finishing up thg i never tot i wld. God, i never even think i'd get dis done!! but i did. hohoho.. aku mula rasa seronok wit the whole thang. the running. the crowd. the endorphin it brings. the satisfaction. theres a feelin in me yg aku tatau nak explain mcmana - best la kot. i mean - it was more than jst dat. aku dah register pun for Tourism Taiping Heritage Run 2011, dis coming 11 Sep. 2011 in Taiping.. wld be fun, eh? running in my old lil town? hehe

aku still smiling to myself - even now. tho now - i hav to suffer the consequences - aku melecet around paha (celah bedah tu) and both at the armpit - bergesel dgn singlet aku la tu. its painful, alrite. aku hav to sapu a bit of losyen so dat kurang sikit sakit, and soothed it down, plus less friction. kalo esok tak lega jugak - mati la aku jalan mengangkang dpn student! huwaaa..

i am done wit dinner. mkn sikit je since tak lalu mana pun. baju for trow - done mix and match, siap iron. painkiller aku dah telan - hoping trow bagun tak la sakit mana sgt bdn2 aku neh - darn i gotta work trow!

gnite, ppl!