its not a good day for me, today. its a day when u wish for God sake - u can jst skip it, jst like dat. wit no further thinking. its a day when u wish u cld start it all over again - from the beginning, so dat u knw wat to do and wats not. but then again - its jst a silly tot; its a day u hav to go thru.. and u hav to make sure ur surviving well - for a better trow.
started the day dgn rasa marah and geram wit perangai and sikap budak2 neh yg tak reti nak bertanggungjwb, taking thgs for granted. aku keep on reminding em all - if anythg at all.. if anythg at all - tak dpt masuk lecture ke, lewat balik dr kampung ke.. jst gimme a tinkle; and i knw wat to do. tp ni tak - diam2.. 3 org went MIA up till 10am, until another kepochi nyer lecturer found out - tup2 smpai ke Pengarah and i was - as usual, answerable for all the shait. and i need to clear all the freakin shait, well. u think i'd go walking out of the Pengarah's room smiling for ear to another? u think i'd be thanking the Pengarah and dat bloody mulut-loji kinda lecturer? i might. but i need to teach the boys and the gals a lesson. or two. and the whole shait started there. i managed to make the whole class scared shait, i cld see it on their faces. i knw i never scream shait out in front of the class like dat. never. but i did, today.
and kuliah ptg - 3 org lagik masuk lambat. kuliah start at 2pm, 3 stooges neh 3.45pm baru masuk. itu pun after aku hantar the Ketua Kumpulan.. khas utk gerak dorang up from their bloody fcukin beauty sleep! and masuk kelas - buat muka gampang, no remorse, no nthg. tak de rasa nak ada a bit of courtesy in any of em, nak mintak maaf and such. wat is dis? aku wonder apa yg mak bapak dorg ajar back at home. i am sorry - i knw it is harsh - but dats the fact! sekali lagik aku rasa tercabar.. and yeah - u can imagine any of the worst thgs dat can happen to em all.
and work wise - aku dah hilang sabar dgn Mr H. he knws nothg, i must admit. baru naik pangkat, dpt HEP - he likes to go around and order dis and dat.. dtas the way he do works. 'delegating' katanya. delegating my arse. when u dun knw how to delegate well, u dun knw wat ur delegating, u dun even knw how to simplify ur order - make it sweet, short and simple.. make ppl comprehend u well. bygkan 5 kali aku present proposal aku utk pre-klinikal posting, lima2 kali kena reject due to all those silly simple mistakes yg aku dah keep on betulkan.. tapi tiap kali aku betulkan exactly mcm dia nak - setiap kali tu la salah. 5 times, times 15 pages. no joke. eh, aku keje kedai photostat ke aper? and the kali ke-5, suara aku mula naik. ko bos, fine. aku kuli. tp kalo ko as a bos treat kuli mcm gampang - as if kuli2 neh mcm kuli bangsat wit no feeling and such - i am sorry. hell u go. and aku remember at the end of the process, bila dia sedar aku mula naik suara while dia naik kan suara dia.. Mr H started to 'kendur' sket. and finally - for the first time, he did listen to wat i wanna say God sake. susah ke? ko je yg btol, eh? ppffftt.
by 6.30pm - aku drive home. otak tepu. aku penat dgn muka ketat aku since morning. aku penat dgn otak aku yg hiperaktif - thinking dis and dat. aku rasa bersalah pun ada. geram. meluat. aku rasa sedih. aku picit2 handset looking for numbers to call - but i dun knw who. aku thanked God at the end of the day, aku still hav ppl dat i can talk to. and make jokes, making me laugh. aku called mak abah - i dun knw how to describe the feeling by the time mak ckp, 'sbr la along..'. cliche, i knw. but she needs not to say anythg at all. she jst listen. and abah too - i knw he hardly talk to me. we hardly communicate pun.. but today - he said a word or two; asking me to hold on, bersabar dan such - aku feel like crying. aku thank God for aku still hav em both around - i cld turn to both of them at the end of the day for some support, loves and cares.. and dis is the time too - when u realized where ur at for some ppl. ur sad? u need to talk? u need a shoulder? sorry. all u get is - 'forget it - i had enuff kinda thang..'. but when they r in deep shait - did i ever say 'never'? FO? or 'go fly kite'? haha.. its ok. tak pe lah.. aku tak kisah pun. dats life. i mean - life's like dat.
time to call it a day. dis is not a day i want to be in. but its ok. i learn a lot. i gain sthg, as well. and all dis thg will definitely makes me a better man. for betterment. its jst another day, i think. and trow - i pray to God above - it'd way better.. for u. for me. for all of us.
gnite folks. as-salam.