reached home by 5 somethg. shldve been in way earlier, but aku stop kat KPJ for i din feel dat good, and i dun wanna waste my time pergi balik for some silly reason. and as usual - by the time aku home; aku feel so damn tired - physically and mentally. aku feel like to crash, but then - aku jst cldnt closed my eyes. theres too many thgs marching up my mind and aku feel so hopeless for i jst cant 'switch off' my mind from runnin around wit thgs.
ended up at Dataran MBI for dinner. aku wanted to go there for Soup Mak Endah, tp smpai sana tak selera plak.. so aku minum2 je.
its kinda weird to hav ur phone in hand wit the ability to get connected to the internet - but for the first time, today - aku din see any reason y shld i. aku keep havin the phone in hand and gatal tangan to get connected wit Opera, but then - aku realized dat aku no more 'there' and i aku need not, anymore. apart of me - aku rasa kinda sunyi, down. its weird to not be able to see wats goin on around me, 'in there'. and wats goin on wit others. but another part of me - aku rasa bebas, aku rasa so 'lapang' dat i dun knw how to explain - for i need not to knw thgs i need not to knw. and along the way home - for the first time aku din hav the phone in my other hand; keep on checking dis and dat - and aku jst drive and listen to the radio.
tak pe lah. i'll stay dis way. i cant promise for how long - for i dun knw how its gonna be like trow. but as far as i concern - i am doin ok. i've caused so much trouble in there. i've suffocated ppl, i've made others feel restricted. i kinda paranoid now and then. and i knw it aint do good. i hardly keep promises to myself - i ended running in circle and forcing others so, too. i've worried too much, and aku started to feel like as if i am a stalker. it aint good. i knw.
so - i am letting dis go. and some others, too. i feel sad still. i feel bad. i dun choose to opt dis. but at least - dis is the least thg dat i can do; for me to mend the whole shyte. tak pe lah. i knw the consequences - but its ok. i am ready for any of it.