Wednesday, May 25, 2011

clinical, nasik ayam et al.









had a good day at work. i jst deal wit thgs i need to do, and dats wat i've been doin for the whole working hrs, today. theres coupla thgs bothering me a bit - ere and there; but then again - i gez dats the way it is.. so no matter how sad i was jst now - i am proud of myself dat i managed to put up a good nice face infront of the students, alhamdulillah.


started my day by doin some clinical teaching/bedside teaching kat Ward 1B - aku hav like 4 gals posted there. i am glad they've 'transformed' a bit on their 3rd days now - they r more proactive now, asked a lot of q's dis and dat.. aku cld see they communicate well among themselves and wit all the nurses, the docs and the others too. they r no more 'drip stand', standing by a corner - figuring out wat to do, and looked so blur as if wondering why la the ward so damn bz yet 'aku tatau nak buat apa' kinda thg. we discussed coupla thgs - a bit on nursing procedures, vital signs, terminologies et al. damn i am glad to see the gals r eager to knw more! and the day went on like dat - to 2A, 4A, 5A and 5B, 6B and finally medical wards 7A and 7B plus 8B.


by 12pm, aku dah penat naik tangga from tgkt 1 up to paling atas tgkt 8. but i swear to God - i never feel so happy like dis before - seeing the boys and gals enjoying, learning new thgs - the eagerness in em all, brings sort of smile on my face. some of em even sort of feelin frustrated since byk procedure tak bley buat - watdya expect? they r Thn 1 Sem 1. kinda funny too.


had a lunch kat kafe je. Encik Hakimi joined me for a lunch - we had a good chit chat. and i am glad. he's someone yg aku kenal thru FB, for a yr plus now - but never get the chance to meet up. a one nice guy, simple, down to earth, soft spoken - i had a great time talkin to him about most of the thang under the sun. it feels like ages since i last had sort of conversation, God sake. i mean - basically. i was down wit coupla thgs in life - and i gez i jst need someone i cld talk to. w'pun tadi aku hardly talk about wat went wrong (its me after all), but then - i am glad. thanks, Kimi! hope to catch ur makcik's nasik ayam next time around.. and not tadik nyer nasik ayam.. its like.. err. btw - thanks for the meal! hehe


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i dun wats wrong wit me. i feel like i am runnin in a circle. i never feel so insecure like dis before, and i hate it so much - i dun knw how to tell. i am tryin so hard to get rid of it, to face it - for i knw i can do better - but it looks like its me alone fighting for it; to fight against my bloody insecurity. i dun knw y, but sometimes i feel like givin up - the insecurity in me, me myself et al. i've brought so much damage to those around me, and it hurts me as well. i wish i cld hav someone standing beside me, helping me out, together fighting for me to get settled wit the issue. or perhaps - dis is life. u hav to fight for ur own thang.


i dun knw. darn i am so confuse.









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