s'times i hate dat i am so petty. meticulous. s'times i hate dat i make little problems become bigger than they actually r. but i guess - there r days when we jst hate ourselves, aye? dat u can do anythg at all - but jst hate urself for watever it is. i knw i've created dis blog to vent out my feelin, to drain out my negative energy away so i wldnt be worst than wat i am. and i knw some ppl out there who loves readin dis and found out my blog to be sort of 'inspiration' (if it is), encourage bit ere and there, and ost stuff dat ppl can relate on - but s'times; i admit - i also get depressed. there r moment when i feel alone, bloody down and sad. when i wanted to write thgs but i dun knw how, and i dun knw if i shld. if u noticed - s'times there'll be like a lot of posts in a day - dat shows dat i am doin ok. doin ok means i can think str8, and there'll lots of thgs to write.. jst like dat. but when there is not - well, there must be sthg wrong somewhere. thankfully, those kinda moments do not happen often; i shall say - but yeah - i do hav those bad moments too. bad days. like now.
i knw there r a lot of bigger problems in the world - and my petty lil problems r nothg compared to them. but s'times - all the encouragement dat i try to spread - there r times when even they; cant cheer me up. i am kinda secretive person, and i always find it hard to spell out thgs verbally. i can write - i knw. but i ended bein too careful, thinkin of the consequences - finally left me sayin nothg at all. so i cant really tell ppl wats botherin me; and most of the time - i jst keep it to myself, and get myself drown in it. and maybe - i mean, maybe - these feelin bottled up, which leads to moments of depression.
argkh, trust me - i dun wanna rant in ere. i dun wanna get any of u infected wit the negative energy. i believe i shld spread all the good thgs around, so i can get the world dance along wit me. anyway, i hope i cna feel better again real soon. not dat i feel real bad, now. jst dat dis numb, draggin feelin in me - darn its botherin me hell shyte.
take care, y'all!