Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
aku bwk baju keje sket, round-neck ties a must, kasut keje, kasut tak keje, toiletries aku limit to a small bag je, netbook wajib, mp4 bwk, suar tido, suar kecik, suar tak keje, kain pelikat.. heh. dah. i am done. so - bila dah siap packing - rupa nya byk yg tak perlu aku dah longgok tepi. and now aku kena kemas balik. argkh.
nak mandi. nak kuar pi bank jap. and the driver will be in at anytime now.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
perhaps we r all refugees from sthg we dun knw. perhaps we r all runnin around from sthg we knw, yet we dun hav guts to face it well. perhaps, we r refugees we runnin away from sthg dun really understand - sthg we dun care to understand, at all. and it haunts us all the time, for the rest of the life.
perhaps, we r all runnin in a way or another - from ur own fear, darkness, uncertainty. or sthg unknwn. perhaps, if u hav guts - u'll stand up ur stance and face it all for once. and get it done. so dat u can go on wit life, wit an open mind. wit a free, no shitty hold on in ur head. perhaps, maybe u dun hav guts to deal wit all dis - and u prefer to jst go along wit the flow, be it to no matters it brings - as long as ur doin ok.. as long as u can grab wat ever ur meant to hav all dis time - and u din - u knw u'll survive alrite.
perhaps we r all refugees from sthg. but i see now there is nthg to fear. dat the world we hold onto - the lives we cherish - r a part of sthg greater, sthg more. when i look at those less unfortunate - i see it so clearly; dat hope, dat chance of life - and i knw its worth fighting for.
perhaps, i did my part. i fight for it. i stand on it. but i gez - life's is more than jst dat.
perhaps, i shld let go. and carry on.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
i received coula disturbing msges still - tp kali ni aku dah malas nak amek tau. i read em, i deleted em all. kalo baru ni aku serabut la jugak, tp skang - biar la. if ur a human bein wit a brain - u gotta act like one. tak pyh la sibuk2 nak anta msg askin dis and dat, nasihat dis and dat.. penat weh!
and semlm - aku had the chance seein dis pic; 'shahe waktu dulu2' kinda thang - posing tp kolam renang wit a darn skimpy trunk - and ppl will vote for it, for somethg. and the worst part was - the pic was posted to a blog yg 'sungguh memalukan' kinda thang. thanks to Azman for telling me. dis someone was so strongly believe dat was me (heh, jumpak aku pun tak pernah!) and forwarded the pic to Azman. i was kinda shocked, tp lepas tu aku started to laugh out loud. bodoh. dorg ni tadak keje ke eh? and the fact is - aku tak la nak berposing like dat (apart those in FB), and aku still think rationally. and all the stats kat blog tu, was sooo not me. kelakar.
heh. mls aku nak fikir. aku lapar. gotta hit the shower, and turun hunting for some food.
u hav a productive Tues., fellas!
Monday, February 21, 2011
every human bein has the rite to choose how they feel, you can choose happiness or sadness, hatred or love and such. u may be depressed or heartbroken, over somethg dat may hav happened to u or sthg u did a long time ago - maybe even years back - to urself, or to others. but u need not to stay in dat depressed state any longer. theres no need to torture urself. and dats the fact. plus - y do u hav to blame urself on every single thang - while u know u cant get it undone. its like u try to un-fry a fried egg. u knw dat aint goin to happen.
there is no need to carry dat pain any longer inside ur heart, day after day - year after year. u must not let it grow continuously b'coz soon enuff - dat one issue u r sad or depressed about will turn into ur normal way of thinkin. negativism and negative way of thinkin has a bloody domino effect, at least dats wat i believe.
when one door closes in life - another one will open - but if u do not let go of the pains of yesterday, the joys of today and trow will never, ever be discovered. they will be overshadowed by ur own misery. darn then u must let go of the past - to be happy. there is no ifs, ands or buts..
quit living negatively in the past, and focus on wat u can do about today and in the future. u see - wat happened in the past - u hav no control of, today. u cannot do a thang about it - so y live there?
start livin and loving thgs u can control such as dis beautiful dat or maybe surround urself wit ur love ones. go out and create joyous experiences and turn happiness into a constant way of thinkin.
enuff is enuff. bygone be bygone. do u agree?
do not let the torments and regrets of yesterday live in u deep enuff, to cover ur progression and happiness for today..
sumpah aku meluat. menyampah. theres a hatred in me - damn i cant help it. i knw i aint gonna go anyway wit dis burning in me - but for the first time - aku feel like cldnt careless. it aint the first really. dis was around for yrs, and it seems like it wont go away.. i mean - where ever i go, wat ever i get - dis bloody thang will be around, tryin to grab watever i had - in hand. damn - can u jst get the hell outta my face? go find somethg else. go get somethg else, will u? wats get into u anyway? i dun knw u. and fuck - i dun want to.
its like everywhere i go - dis bloody creature will be around. its like everywhere, God sake. dammit - can u jst giv up and turn ur arse around? wat else do u want? go get ur thang, on ur own, and stop pickin on thgs dat owned. i knw u well, indeed. u wanna get thgs in some easy way. u dun want a thang, for God sake. u jst wanna hav thgs dat u can get from ppl around u. and dats the fact. tambah plak ada org melayan.. heh.
benci la. sumpah benci. meluat.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
darn its Saturday!
in bed still. nthg in head. sleep like a log, awal lagik aku dah hit the sack. by 4am aku dah bgun - did the wee wee and aku decided to tido kat bilik belakang je, wit no aircond. woke up for Subuh - aku smbg lagik my so-called journey to the my only land, the MumuLand. hehe.. damn how i wish everyday wld be like dis, aye? errmmm..
i finally found TimTams on FB. its a hell nice kinda thang really - bein able 'seeing' her bakin some cupcakes and such. argkh, cupcakes again. darn i gotta go get myself, some esok lusa.. teringin seh!
nak pi mandi la. matahari dah tinggi. i still hav nthg in store - to do toda. i mght as well watch the idiotbox and kill my time, on9 je la kot. or do some reading, perhaps.. *puke*.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
while u can..
hav u ever wanted sthg in ur life so badly dat u were never meant to hav? hav u longed for sthg dat u think u cant live w/o, and yet u hav a feelin deep in ur heart dat its not meant for u?
lets face it - life really can be unfair (as i said before - who says life is fair anyway?), not to mention ironic as well. we can never tell which cards will be dealt to us. there r ppl who r blessed wit certain thgs in life, while others dun hav dat kinda luxury. but hav u experienced dat feelin of desire - for sthg u knw will make u very, very happy, and yet life just wont allow u to hav it? hav u ever go thru dat kinda feelin? if u've experienced dat feelin, then u'll probably agree wit me - dat it is bloody sucks, big time.
but then - dats life, rite? life's like dat. in wat ever decision we make, it cant be foolproof. and not everythg we want in life is good for us, or is meant for us - for dat matter. jst b'coz we feel a strong desire for sthg - doesnt mean we hav to get it no matter wat. oftentimes, we even desire for sthg dats totally wrong for us - for b'coz it makes us happy, we tend to be selfish. we want thgs for ourselves, even tho we knw in our hearts - dat we'll be better off w/o it.
but wat of it makes us hold on? r we jst bein stubborn, or obsessed? do we go against all odds jst to satisfy our inner cravings? or do we giv in to wat we feels right instead?
life is complicated.. i believe so, tho most of the time - u'd hear one thang - life is simple. life is complicated b'coz dis is not our real home. when we die, we will go to our real one, which is with God above. dats y we r never contented on Earth. but wat do we do when we want sthg dats not meant for us? wat if we want it so bad, we consumed by it and we spend our whole lives, chasing it?
wat we hav to remember is dat - there r thgs in life dat will always remain a dream. and u cant chase dreams forever - dats the fact. maybe u get to enjoy it for a while - maybe u experience it for a period of time, but it will never be urs forever. when dis happens - the only choice is - to let go. cherish it - then let it go. focus on the thgs dat ARE meant for u. u'll knw its not meant for u - when after yrs of strugglin and sacrificin, u still remain at square one.
wldnt it be better to jst learn to accept the fact dat u did ur best, but its jst not meant for u? let go and find thgs dat meant for u. letting go will definitely hurt in the beginning, but u'll happier in the long run..
but then again - its easier said than done. i wish i'd be stronger than i am, now.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
time to settle down. i had a great weekend, hell yeah - spending it well wit those dat i love, so freakin much. time like dis - they wld jst go flyin so fast u hardly realize dat finally - esok dah nak kena keje. heh. days like dis - they dun hav to be grande, they dun hav to be spending em well walkin about the mall and such - jst stay back put, and relax - spending every each magical, precious moment doin nthg at all, damn it was so freakin nice. as long as those ppl dat u love r around - darn i wldnt go askin for more.
hav a nice, tite sleepin ppl. for trow - there'll be more, in store for us insyaAllah.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
somethg come across my mind - dun u think it is sad when ppl experience thgs differently, from wat ur goin thru? frustrating aye? one moment may mean the whole wide world for u; and yet for some other person - it mean absolutely jst a plain nthg.
hav u ppl experienced s'thg like dis, before?
i aint a technical person. i believe dat i am more humanism et al. i believe everyone of us has our own potential, to be better than wat we r now. if we wanna change - and if we do wanna change, then we will. ppl hate changes - for we r so comfort wit thgs around us. but - if we wanna change, we will change. we gotta change wit sort of willingness in us, ourselves. we dun go change for someone wants us to.
action speaks louder than word. i gez we need not to blabbering telling world dat we r gonna change, but we r aint.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
wat life is? well everybdy has their own definition for it. perception towards it. but then - wat life is? subjective, aye? i gez - its simple. life is like the lil decisions u make, like everyday. hate it or not - it is like some sort of decisions u made, urself. decisions of the past - they definitely hav had their effect, but every new day can be a new start - yeah, dats wat they say. and no matter wat has happened up till now - u hav a chance to make the right decisions, today.
i do believe dat we need not to waste time reliving the pain of past mistakes, and wrong decisions. for dat only saps ur power to do wat u can do, today. u cant change the past, its gone anyway. but the future is wat u make it, startin rite now - darn we gotta take full advantage of the present, God sake.
we gotta learn from the past mistakes. and put em behind us, today. forgive those who wronged u and ask forgiveness from those u hav wronged. dat probably wont be easy - dammit, it is - but dun put it off; better do it as soon as u can. look above for fresh courage and hope, starting today. dream new dreams, today. set new goals, today. spend ur time on thgs dat truly count, today. love urself, ur family - today. be a nice, good fren, today. listen to em, darn well - today. and do thgs better - startin today.
darn i dun knw wats the above.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
its been yrs since i've been on FB. theres so many changes in life, wit FB around me - more frens, more love, more dramas, more not-so-frens, more once-ur-fren-now-ur-no-more, more last-time-u-hate-me-now-u-fren-me, more now-ur-a fren-trow-ur-not, and more fun of course.
i gained more frens in FB. most of the ppl in there r superb. i dun knw how to tell, but they r jst great. they can be a lot better then those who r infront of u. but then again - FB can bring lot of unnecessary thgs, too.
its hurt to knw when ur the reason - when ur fren get dumped. especially when u dun knw a thang. and u dun even knw wat the heck is goin on. its jst becoz ur a good fren of A, and A is goin out wit B - but when B knew dat A is a good fren of urs - B gav kata dua; to choose him/herself or u - as A's bestfren. the thg is - u dun even knw who the heck is B. and u dun knw dat A is goin out wit B. it is sad, of course. i cant help to feel bad about the whole thang. but i wont go blaming myself - for i dun knw shyte about it. and A is not doin sthg wrong too - salah ke ko nak kwn dgn A? but B - i think ur makin up stories. i do think u hav no balls. ur picking up reasons to get away from the whole thang. ur a plain chicken shyte. i am sorry - i knw i am nbdy to judge. but i cant help myself thinkin dat way.
dis aint the first. i had worst thgs - way worst than dat. i had some ppl who knew myself damn way freakin better than i knw my freakin self. cemaneh? and dis ppl go around tellin tale to the whole wide world - i gez its as simple as dis - u talk about others, dat wld makes u feel damn superior. for u'd go tellin 'mamat tu bodoh, bangang, keji bla bla bla..' and such.. at the end of the day - sapa yg baik? u knw i aint goin to answer dat - u go figure out urself. aku dah masak dgn org mcm ni. dis kinda moron - i need not to deal wit. let him/her go around tellin shait and feel good about it. poor him/her - dats the only thg yg can make him/her feel good, in life. pity him/her. it aint biggie - for i believe in karma - dammit wat goes around, will always comes around. wat u giv is wat ur gonna get. unless ur fuckin perfect - well hunny, dats somethg else. but.. i am tellin u - but if u think ur nbdy, then jst shut the fuck up. coz sooner or later, ppl will knw. and mana nak letak muka? celah bedah pun tak layak!
my fren - i am sorry. i never knw dis is goin to happen. i dun even knw wats goin on. i jst dun knw a thang, God sake.
but ur a fren of mine - and i cant help to feel bad. its like for my existence - lead u to face all dis bullshyte. i wish i cld tell u a thang or to - but i am jst a plain nbdy. and i gez thg has been said. and done.
i am sorry.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
thinkin of trow and thgs to come - aku dah mls. budak2 kat kolej dah start call aku dis and dat - darn till betul2 they get used to the surrounding; baru bley aku tarik nafas lega.. schedule aku yg - w'pun dah kira ok, tp still pack. follow ups aku yg makin kerap - lemas perut Tuhan je tahu. damn i wish i cld turn back time and laze around jer.. sign and symptoms of burn-out ka? heh.
but - theres coupla thgs yg makes me lookin out for trow - to come. coupla thgs yg aku missing, coupla thgs yg makes me feel like eager to look for tow, well.
and strangely enuf - aku kinda eager to go back to work, as well. perhaps bukan la 100%, tp beberapa percent sajort. and perhaps - i shld thank God for some of contributing factors la kot..
and darn aku hav to drive back to Ipoh. perhaps aku kena amek jalan lama je. perhaps jalan esp hi-way sah2 la jam giler. perhaps aku will muntah darah time drive nanti.
darn i wish i cld je tele-port myself balik Ipoh. itu pun kalo tak jam. or perhaps - darn i wish i cld use a bit of Doraemon's nyer help je.. huargkhh
Saturday, February 5, 2011
- like all the time!
- half of the minimons!
- and aku.. the along!
the truth is - abg ngah je yg btol2 keje..
yg lain, posing mosing je. kejs!
and the nakal-est!
gaya aje, ok!
- adik bongsu aku neh!
i cld be smiling..
after lunch - rumah totally knock out - masing2 bwk diri and aku as usual, tergolek dpn tv under the fan wit few minimons - perut kenyang, mata pun ngantok.. sedar tak sedar - aku dah terlena and by the time aku terjaga - it was like 3.30pm alrdy.
its ptg alrdy - and its laksa time! haha.. mati la aku gumuks.
btw - aku lupa.. to Noraziah Che Pa - tahniah! its ur big E-Day!! tahniah to u both. i am trully glad for finally - after all dis yrs, after all dis time - thru thick and thin; finally u've come across the rite one, alhamdulillah. to The Man - trust me, ur trully blessed to hav her.. do take care and be good to her!
there r still thgs in my head. marching around, like nbdy biz.