Tuesday, January 4, 2011

fcukin hate u.


today is aint my day. theres too much of hatred in me. i hate like every single thgs around me - everythg dat happens around me. theres resentment in me. anger. the feelin dat i feel like to jst burst em all away, fuck shait i dun wanna keep it in me. but i jst cant - i mght be throwin shait to my new stdnts - they r new, they knw shait. they wont retaliate. but dat was jst not rite. i hate about most of the thgs, alrite. and i jst dun knw y.

i hate wit ppl yg messed up wit my own bloody time management - told me u'd go conclude thang according to time allocated, but u go leavin me - dealin wit all the unnecessary thgs. i hate ppl dat i called for so many times - yet to no avail. i jst need someone to talk to. but apparently.. perhaps, nvm.. *sigh*. i hate my freakin full of shait kinda boss who is so full of ideas, bombastic, bein so fuckin unrealistic - and messing wit everybdy's life; jst becoz he love to please some other ppl, alrite. i hate him so fruckin much dat i need to do dis and dat at the last minute - wit no proper resources, no proper references. i hate to be told 'u do dis, u do dat' when u dun even knw how fuckin hard it is to put em all into reality.. i hate u so much, ur one bloody idealistic, mind-less. i hate to be told dat we gotta go to work, again - on dis Saturday, since one silly big-shoot is coming down. Saturday? bodoh! i hate ppl around me - showered me wit all sweet words, sweet talks yet i dun even knw if they knw wat they r sayin. i hate myself when i dun knw who shld i turn to - when thing like dis. i feel so hopeless. helpless. i hate thgs din go accordingly to the plan - jst becoz theres so may arse-lickers around, try to show dat they r so eh-see-me-i-do-work kinda thang. get the hell outta my face! i hate myself for i shldve spend more time at home, but i aint. i hate havin the hope on somethg i dun think there'll be one pun, yet i am clinging on it. i hate myself for being an option. i hate myself when i cant say thgs out well, for i keep on thinkin 'how wld it be' for the other person.. and i ended up bottling myself.

i used to love January so damn much, yet for the first time, today - i dun feel like lookin out for more, now.

i started to consider coupla tawaran yg aku dpt, lately. i think i had enuff wit all dis shait around me - here.

i am so tired, God sake.


Timtams said...

Shah, Breathe in (deeply)...Breathe out(aaah)... continue to do that until u feel calm. Take care bra.

Amer Nasri said...

plz dont go .

Josh said...

By all mean, choose what's best for u. I myself is actively hunting for greener pasture. Can't stand the mega-kipas boss.

Jerung Rimba Putih said...

And I hate it when u said u hate urself.. :(

Mr. Firdaus said...

chill sir. College sure r a pain in the arse an?. Huu