Thursday, September 30, 2010

selamat hari ra-ra!





can i hav dis?
argkhh..






nope. i am not. i yet to find my brand new dark-brown leather shoes wit a dead sharp end on it, God sake. i was around in Kinta City looking for one, hoping to hav a pair of it at the end of it - but i cldnt get the hold of it pun. i was like to most of the shoes outlet - tp again - i ended up walkin to the car bringin somethg else. dammit. the thg is - i scratched my arse more than i scratched my head yeah. pls - dun get me wrong - i hate doin the shopping alone. i need a back-up. i need some sort of bloody second opinion which wld be like, 'eh, dats not good on u la.. y not dis one' and i exactly will end on dat particular one. damn - its hard to be me. i came a cross coupla nice one semlm - but then again.. heh.


may be i shld jst beli je and balik. nyesal plak weh.


woke up at 3am somethg dis morn. done wit my laundry, kemas bilik belakang and press baju keje ari neh. today we r havin Jamuan Eid ul Fitr, so sumer staff kena berbaju melayu for the men and berbaju kurung/kebaya watevernot for the ladies.. so - aku dah siap iron beju keje biasa - siap tie bagai when it came across my mind - and terpaksa plak iron baju melayu. heh. by 6.30am - aku dah done wit my big mug of Nescafe (i know, but i cant help it!) and of to the office.


as usual - done wit work - i am goin to jog and gym for a while. and off to chop my hair since dah panjang sket dah neh. rimas! let alone all dis jambang - it makes me look like a Santa Claus - a dark-choc version. bukan Santa Claus pakai kopiah putih and bawa kereta lembu, ye! hehe.. i need to be back into shape and looks - hate it when some of the students askin me dis and dat 'sir, ur having problems ke?', 'sir u look so unkempt' kinda thang. and Pengarah was like 'ru goin to stay in dis' while pointin his finger to his face - lookin at mine. kejis.



---



today, is the day. its been days now - and it feels like ages. i am glad it comes to the end. darn i cant help myself to hav all the thgs dat i had all dis while - to be back in perspective.


damn, i am glad.













me in baju raya.
esok, baju melayu lagiks!! yay..







Wednesday, September 29, 2010

yes 245x!!












lets ramba!!
yehaaa..








yeah - its yay!! i mean - a big YAYY!! gez wat? the OUM thang has been cancelled. and i am so fcukin thrilled. the first thang dat i did - is to walk rite up to Pengarah's room - wit head rite up high - telling him dat 'theres no such evaluation thang goin on today, sir - its been postponed for some reason'. the second thang - let Hafiz know about it or else i mght be havin the consequences of 'bernanah telinga' to his 'maki' and such. and then - there goes my bee-auw-tea-fool day. aku amek kunci kereta, off for Telekom/TM Center - to collect my cordless. yeah - sounds familiar - the pretty gal-wit-no-brain thingy. heh. like i care - i refuse to deal or see her at her face pun. bley? emo tak aku? hahaha.. but unfortunately - cordless abes. aku bg nama, they to call me up when the stock sampai. better be lah, rather than aku sambak tajuk Aztech yg mcm telepon mainan anak sedara aku tu je.. at least - Panasonic wld suit the purpose.


called my dentist - i am up to his 'pelawaan' today; for my follow-up yg supposedly on last week. senyum wit my gigi up front is my aset - so kena la jaga! bley? hahaha.. next, aku nak pi JJ during the lunch-time (read - lunch-time, ok!) nak cari my pair of dream leather, sharp-end dark-brown in color kasut keje.. kalo sempat.. kalo tak - lain ari la.. 2pm aku ada kelas plak.


isk - aku lapang dada giler weh! dunno how to tell! yezaa.








a judgment day, it is.









gross!






its a judgment day - literally. at least - as for me. i am done wit all the need-to-do and watever-not for the evaluation today. and i, too - hav seen all the students involved for the session. but then - i aint sure whether or not they r coming - i mean the big-shoots from OUM. the truth is - i cldnt careless pun. if they do - i'll dance around, accordingly. but if they not - damn i am gonna jump up to the sky! heh. the fact is - i love doin wat i am doin now. i love teachin. i love sharing knowledge and all. i love transferring all the thgs dat i hav, all the experiences in life and such - but then, all dis micro-teaching part, i think they r sort of restricting u from bein a lil bit creative in doin so. its like 'here it is - ur script.. u go standin in front of the students, and u say dis and dat.. u do dis and dat..'. and dat is so not freakin me, hell yeah. shait - do i hav the choice to choose? no. a big no, indeed.


crashed early last nite. around 9.30pm - aku dah lalok tak tentu hala.. aint sure of y. yeah - i went for a jog and lift some weights at home - and i was kinda 'pancit' damn shait. i remember doin thgs on my lappy and i was like 'tersengguk-sengguk' ke-mengantuk-kan.


---


i had dis feelin in me - i dun knw how to tell. i kinda miss s'one dat i can talk to - at early in the morn., talkin about simple thgs such as wat to do, wats on, wats in and wats not for the whole day. and at the end of the day too - how the day treats u, wat do u do for the whole day and such. i need no complicated thgs, i jst love all the simple petty thgs. the laughter. the jokes. some spontaneous acts. a bit of surprises.. *sigh*


a day more to go. and i jst cant wait. i jst want thgs to be the way it used to be - and i miss it damn much.


---


i had nthg in mind now. i jst want thgs to go well, accordingly insyaAllah. and yeah - i wanna jst get rid of today, as fast as i can.


wish me luck. i need the whole wide world of luck. God sake.







Tuesday, September 28, 2010

drag me to hell, no.






another day wit kinda lousy feelin drag me like hell. i had nothg much to do - excpet was kinda shocked upon receiving a news sayin dat all the profs watever not from OUM r coming down trow to assess our (me and Hafiz's) P&P - talk about thgs we've learn in OUM coupla months back. damn they got dis rite - i am havin like few mammoths running around in mytummy alrite. i love teaching, but not wit some big-shoots sitting at the back, doin the observation - scrutinize ur moves, ur words, ur timing, whether or not the students pay attention - or they linger around the MuMuLand. damn.


received a msg askin me to wait for a City-Link - a parcel on its way. cant wait, and i am glad.


kinda numb still. i knw the distance is nthg. and the presence is all dat matters. but then again - shait, i jst cant help myself. a few more days to go!








Monday, September 27, 2010

beauty, but no brain?








customer service.
wats so much ado wit it?





bein in the front line and serving ur customer is a noble job - i do believe in dat. be it no matter how hard the matter is, or simple it is - if the customer is in deep shait - no matter wats the skin color, no matter how 'kampung' she/he is - they are ur customer, and u gotta treat em rite.


i was in the Tm Net Ipoh around 11.50am dis mornin, wanting to upgrade my Streamyx service when upon entering the office - damn - it was like kat pasar basar Selayang, chaotic wit a lot of voices. it was kinda strange for me - for most of the time, when i was there - thgs r under control, calm as well. but today - it was not dat cool, any more. lps amek number and such - i took a seat - and i realized there was one 'only voice' yg conquering the whole lot - and it was a small gal's voice, kinda cute, pretty wit her heavy make-up, sitting dealing wit her customer - a mid-age old Chinese lady. i sat exactly infront of her, wondering wat was the mess. there were words like, 'u kena faham..', 'berapa kali saya mau ulang..', 'u ada kontrak, kena follow kontrak..', 'u faham tak? u faham tak..' and such lingered in the air. i was like - wow, dis gal! staring at her, aku geleng2 paler wit full, intense, instant rush of rasa geram. and suddenly aku sedar - the pakcik jaga dgn senapang patah in his hand seeing me in a different way, menyelinap masuk kaunter and asking the other staffs 'to tone done a bit', and tgk2 kat aku.. aku buat muka selamba je, wit a bit of annoying faces. and ujung mata aku jugak - aku perasan yg some of the staffs was like serba tak kena - which makes me wonder.. apa hal? perhaps - most of the customer r clad in t-shirt and jeans, or jst a plain dressed-down manners and i was there in my full long-sleeves, slacks, black shoes and neck-tie. aku jst buat muka selamba je, and remembering when dat gal complaining to her kawan sebelah like 'benda simple, tapi tak faham2' kinda thang. damn. eh, dah benda simple, make it simple lah! and make dat old lady faham. payah ke nak fahamkan org, dgn benda yg simple? and dah mmg keje ko men-simple-kan benda yg complicated.. so need not la to complain. may be i was not in her shoes - i dun know how tuff it was for her. i din blame it on her pun - but her attitude tu je. the way she behaved. u go treat a customer like dat, complaining, grueling infront of others - acting as if the whole office is ur dad's. ko cantik, fine. tp perangai buruk. damn. aku simpati sgt2.


by the time my number bein called - i praised God above - i need not to deal wit dat gal, but another gal beside her. aku plainly went like, 'wow, mcm pasar je ari neh, eh?' to her fren - and i remember seein dat gal staring rite into me, and jeling2. aku nak tergelak pun ada. but then - aku jst keep it to perspective. she dun hav issue wit me, and be it dat way. thank God too, dealing wit dis other gal - senang sgt, and simple. questions answered nicely, wit a smile of coz. aku feel honored, and appreciated.


done wit it - aku drove back str8 to the office. and i cant help to think the whole shait. dis - i mean, today - cld be a bad hair day for her. fine. but then - she does not need to go and spoils others as well. u meant to help ppl. so do it well. wit ur good sweet looks, it pays to behave a lil. i wish she'd do better. aku rasa gatal je tgn nak logged a report - tp to think it back, malas la. mmg aku ada jugak dgr org ckp2 yg TM Net Ipoh staf 'mcm gampang' sket, yet i din amek pot pun - until today. most of em r good, but one or two yg perangai 'mcm bagus' ni - rosak kan the whole thang. rasa tak bley layan customer elok2, resign pi cari keje lain senang.. i will be goin there, again for sure. and i'll see how.


darn mine was not dat good as well - my day dat is. but i refused to make others, hell.


i gez - bad customer service costs more than a plain, sweet good customer service. and dats the fact.








sleepless.







cant sleep last nite. by 2.30am - i was there blinking, staring into the darkness. i knw, dis is gonna be disastrous - for i am havin a tough day to carry on by the sun is up. 4.30am - aku walked out of the master bedroom and hit my small bed at the other room.. finally, aku dpt jgk lelap mata, for about 30mins when the alarm started to scream the shait out - and its alrdy 5.30am. i need to make an important call, for dis is the only time for i'd be able to do so - or i wont be havin the chance of doin so - for the rest of the days to come. not dat i dun hav the chance of doin so - of coz i can if i want to, but it wldnt be rite.. i think. a short call dat is. and i hit the shower. i was sort of waiting for a return call - up till 6.30am when i left home, and to no avail. erm, tak pe la.. its understandable.


2hrs of classes dis mornin, and OSCE at 2pm. its a lousy Monday, really. but then - i hav to go thru dis well, indeed.


all i need is a dark-brown, shape-end leather shoes utk pakai kerja. damn i feel like off for a shopping now.


morning, ppl.







Saturday, September 25, 2010

changes.







changes. nbdy really likes it. and everybdy - if given a chance - they'd stay jst the way they r. for dat wld make us feel much better. less threatened. for dat wld make us stay at our own comfortable zone. but then - changes is a fact of life. changes will poke into life - be it if u like it, or ur not. changes will definitely comes in - and it will change most of the thgs around u. and u hav no choice, to choose. and u can do nothg about it, except u hav to deal wit it - adopt and adapt. changes mght bring u good. expecially if its changes for the betterment.


i cld feel some changes in me. around me. it wasnt take me by suprise - for i've set my mind alrite for it. for i know - somehow or rather; thgs like dis - they'll definitely come. i am not hating it. i am ok wit it - tho sometimes; i feel kinda left-out, kinda silly-billy drowned in the feelin of loneliness. but then - its a good thang. i dun wanna be a selfish person - for bein me now, i shld be better than dat. its a matter of time. and its jst a temporary kinda thang. i'll be more grateful. i'll be more supportive insyaAllah.


thgs might change, around me. but dat doesnt mean dat i am gonna change, as well. well i do change yeah - and i like the way i am now.


hav a great weekend.







Friday, September 24, 2010

Happy Bird-Day!! erk, no bird eh?










Nurul Aqilah Damia
3yrs old now!






Nurul Aqilah Damia - Happy Birthday. ur 3 years old, today. u mght not knowin it well, u might not knw wat it is like - but its ok. for we do. and i am glad dat i am around to celebrate the number, and hoping to be around to celebrate more - in yrs to come.


i still remember 3yrs back - on dis particular day, when ur mom was brought into the OT; and she's cryin for the uncertainty, scared dat beyond words. and hows ur dad feelin the same - dat he wished he cld be doin more than jst hoping and prayin, and how hopeless it was - when all he can do was standing, holdin ur mom's hand - givin some good words, hoping thgs gonna be ok - and deep in him, i know dat he din knw wat he's sayin.


and then - there u ere. ur jst a small lil creature, u screamed a lot. but ppl fall for u like most of the time at their first glance lookin at u - ur smile, ur sweetness. i dun know how to describe it - but it was jst there. i was the happiest man alive. havin one more minimon added up to the numbers - and ur like nobdy else.


and now ur alrdy 3. dammit how time flies. u talk a lot nowadays. ur darn really smart - u learn a lesson so damn fast, leavin me in wonder - mana la budak ni belajar sumer ni eh? kinda thang. i am glad for u, syg. u hav both sides - values, sweetness, kindness and yeah - as smart as me - i knw dat. no doubt! hahaha


Happy Birthday Qilah. i love u.









Thursday, September 23, 2010

f*ck!








u know wat? aku rasa tahap kesabaran aku dah up to the max. aku rasa nak pelengkung je sekor2 yg dok dtg jumpak aku and citer mcm2 - biar sekor2 tukar muka jadik cipan. be it - ko pengarah ke, timb pengarah ke, ko junior aku ke haper.. aku geram. aku menyampah.


frankly speakin - aku dah meluat. 6 - 7 thn aku tunggang langgang - sacrifice weekend bagai, work like a pig (even tho u think ur workin smart), it goes rite to the drain. the fact is - kalo ko tak pandai jilat, ko tak pandai pasang air-cond rite hala ke bontot boss ko - dats it. tak payah la keje rajin2, tak payah le keje btol2. buat keje mcm kimek pun tak pe - asal ko make sure bontot bos ko sejuk 24/7. and yeah - jgn guna kipas dinding ye, let alone kipas siling bertajuk KDK sekali pun. make sure it is an airkon yg maha tinggi kuasa kekuda nyer.. biar beku bontot bos ko pun, tak pe. lagik bagus.


owh ye. for all those big-shots - need not to come to my room and say sweet words bagai. i dun need dat. i mght be 'younger' than u - mcm anak2 korang je.. but i aint a freakin idiot. tak payah nak tabur2 ayat manis tanam sugar-cane along yr mulut yg busuk tu - so dat aku'd go lembut ati and back u guys up. u dun knw how it is for us - u r so bersuka-suki had ur arses terpaku atas kusyen tebal masing2, and we r the one yg do all the bulshait, cleaning shaits u guys left behind.. so - if u think i am gonna sit down and claim 'tak pe la..', better think twice.


and yeah - satu lagi - tak payah la ngadu domba dgn aku.. aku dah malas nak dgr. korang pi balik and didik le anak-anak korang elok2, so dat when they dah besar nanti - tak perangai mcm korang.


period.












Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Rambo?






awakenings r such a wonderful thgs.. the day u truly see urself for who ur and wat ur - is an experience dat is both so extremely personal and unrivaled by any other. any one who've went thru dis wld knw how it feels. damn it feels like no other.


it lets u see where ur, and compare dat to where u want to be. then - the planning and time come in..


i've been floating along, for a long time. experiencing both challenges dat i am not up for, and thgs dat i hav to take care of. thru it all, i've discovered thgs about myself. and others as well.. some dat i'm not happy about. but dat i need to realize and understand.


most of the time - i need ppl around me. i aint a one-island man. i cant stand alone, God sake. i realize most of the time - i count on others to build me up, to tell me when i am doin thgs rite.. sometimes to tell me when i'm succeeding, but - while i want someone to love me in a certain way, sometimes - dat cant be. dat doesnt mean they dun love me the best they can considering the circumstances.


---


every person has an agenda.. in all of their relationships, their life - working or personal side of it. at the very basis of it all - ur either the teacher, or the student. every acquaintance will be outgrown, and only true frenshp ad honest loves, will remain.


a true fren will be there in the good times and the bad times.. b'coz in everybdy's life - there are bad times hell yeah. the only thg different - is the scale dat it is measured on.








ur a Rambo,

no?




but the bottom line is - we r all Rambo. fighting our own wars. each war is personal.. mine will definitely, never completely mirror someone elses. but i need ppl who r goin to be around for the good times, as well as the bad times. for i can assure u - dats wat i am gonna be.


i dun need fair weather frens.


---


i am still waiting. and it feels like ages. its torturous. but its gonna be worth it, i knw. be it if its even less then 12hrs.


for i know, it is gonna be worth it.












morn!







crashed at 11.30pm, at 4.30am - i alrdy out of the bed, wondering y on earth i was alrdy wide awake - while ppl r still enjoyin their journey in their own kinda land. seein no reason tossin up and down, strungglin to get myself back to sleep - aku bangun iron baju, pack my thgs and mandi2 while tunggu Subuh.


i feel kinda better now. yeah - hit ur sack wit a bit of empty-headed post-ventilating ur shait out.. damn - nthg cldve been better than dat.


and today - i wish thgs gonna be alrite. i only hav 1 hr on invigilating and off i go after dat. the truth is - i cant wait for today - i've been waiting for dis, counting days and hrs for dis, as well..


at least it is somethg dat i am lookin up for - wld make me feel better to go thru the whole day insyaAllah.


wake up u sleepy-head! g'mornin, peeps!




Tuesday, September 21, 2010

aint my kinda day..






am i?
*sigh*






so fail. be bad at thgs. be embarrassed. be afraid. be vulnerable. go out on a limb or two or even twelve - and u'll fall and its gonna be fcukin hurt. but the harder u fall, the farther u'll rise. damn - u better hav hope in it. the louder u fall, the clearer ur future becomes. at least dats wat they say. or, is it? stop shoving my brain wit dat words. failure is a gift - so welcome it. yeah, of coz. ur mumbling as if ur losing ur mind. there r ppl who spend their whole lives wondering how they became the ppl they became - how certain chances pass em by, why they din take the roads less traveled.


those ppl arent u. u hav front row seats to yr own transformation, and in transforming urself - u might even transform the world. wow. really? pretty much as if ur delusional! and it will be electric, and i promise u it'll be terrifying! embrace dat; embrace the new person ur becoming. dis is ur moment. i promise u - it is now, now - not two minutes from now - not tomorrow, but really now. own dat, know dat deep in ur bones. and go to sleep every nite knwing dat - wake up every morning remembering dat. and then.. keep goin.



---



owh, gross. i aint a kiddo. u aint gonna get me by spending me all those above sweet words. if u think u gonna buy me wit all dat - jst remember - to whom ur talking to. damn i can do better than dat. hell better, yeah!



---



it aint a a great day for me. i had no classes to run, and supposedly i had no clinical teachin to deal wit as well. but somethg unexpectedly comes up - and screwed up my whole day. i dun knw how to explain - but one thg for sure; i started to feel i hate wat i am doin for life, now. and i started to consider of turning a new leaf - somewhere else.


wish i cld talk about dis wit someone, God sake. but lately - i kinda feeling left out. i dun know. cld be my plain stupid feelin. my workmates - they knw where and when to find me - if they r in deep shait. and even when i need to talk to even one of em, i ended up doin the listenin still - and it left me wonder; saper yg ada masalah neh? dammit. its kinda sad to be me! i look around - for someone i cld talk, i cld share thgs wit - everybdy r like, well.. they do hav live as well. and i ended up crashing at home during the lunch hour, wit the feelin as if theres a big lump of shait hangin over my head.


so ere i am - dumping all shait in ere. dis blog wont talk back to me. it wont go askin me to listen to it pun. or complaining, hell yeah.


think i shld put it a stop in ere. i need to hit my MumuLand now - wishin thgs gonna be alrite, wit the mornin sun.. insyaAllah.


gnite.









Monday, September 20, 2010

argkhh!











i din say dat, ok!






yeah. its like - dats it! baru je aku semangat giler nak jog bagai - aku tgk kat luar ofis - ujan mcm nak rak. cemaneh? tensi jugak rasa. tapi nak marah2 - tak elok la pulak. ujan is rezeki. kerja Allah. think i shall jst shut the fook up. tapi tu la.. arggkhhhhh!


aku terpaksa berlari2 anak di gym je lah mlm ni. which is - naper aku tak gerak2 eh? naper tak bley stop and ikat tali kasut eh? sah2 la aku tertiarap. kejis. and its boring!



ujan. and.. errrmm.. tdo. synonym eh?



yayy!! *dlm ati*









i am done!








done wit most the thgs i need to do, for today. pagi tadik, aku invigilate formative for one hrs - budak2 ni kecoh sekejap by seein kelibat aku bwk kertas soklan masuk hall exam - mengong. and they too - sah2 la mabuk ketupat, rendang bagai - its like instead of havin their brain up there in their skull - they r havin nasik impit up there, siap dgn kuah bagai - fillin up the cavities, alrite. soalan senang ckp susah. even aku dah bagi klu pun - still tak nampak byg.. no wonder. i bet dorang still terbayang2 kueh sempret instead. or kueh tart. blueberry tart? euw. the color is weird. and the taste is like.. dis is wat? blueberry? naper rasa nenas je? mcm tu. yeah - tart nenas pls! erk, sorry. dis doesnt make sense. btw - so be it - kalo klu dah bagi pun ko tak reti2, elok bagi je paper tu kat aku, soh aku je jawab. sure la aku score.. kejis!


and the same thg dgn budak2 ptg - senior dat is, paper MACP Clinical Pharmacology. haiyooo.. bacteriostatic/bactericidal pun tatau. where as dats the basic thg to know when ur dealin wit pharmacology. kerjis. aku mls nak tolong byk2. nanti SUP tau - kena buang keje plak kang. kena buang keje kalo - sapa nak byr Astro aku? larat ke aku nak ngadap TV3 je? haiyooo.. mati keras aku dgn 1 M'sia like 24/7. and citer hantu. yg tak masuk akal tu. nak kata takut, idak le jugak. suam2 kuku je. heh. aku bley je decide not to tell, at all - tp kesian la.. aku bukannya bg jwpan pun.. klu2 je. tak salah kan? and thank God - at the mid of it Mr Bong and SUP guy Mr Zul dtg buat pemantauan. aku buat tatau je la.. since dorang big-shots, aku kuli2 je.. so bila stdnts angkat tgn nak tnya itu ini (where as i know wat it is) - aku pass directly to Zul or Bong. hah. hamek ko! exam - senang je. ko baca, sah2 ko bley jwb - w'pun tak up like in the notes. sipi2 pun ada insyaAllah. its either ko lulus, or ko fail. tu je.. pe susah eh?


shall hit the track for a jog sharp at 5. cuaca ok je.. tak panas and tak de kemungkinan yg bley nyebabkan aku itam lebam; w'pun aku tau.. aku tak le putih mana pun. heh!.. mlm - gym. aku cannot afford to let everybdy gigih pi gym bagai - while aku asyek pekena triple cheesy sajork. owh, btw - gym aku tadak kolam renang la.. cemaneh? gtew. hehe


gtg. see u when i see u. take care!







life, beautiful.













".. all dat i knw - is nthg to run from
coz yeah - everybdy here got's somebdy to lean on"



Don't Panic;
Coldplay.









its been years since i started dis blog. and it has become very dear to my heart. i went thru a lot - and i shared em a lot as well, by jotting thgs in ere. but dat keeps remind me wit one thang - keep me insane regarding dis -- how in life, we hav out ups and downs. in our ups - we celebrate and enjoy. in out downs - we cry, grieve and get hurt.


we fall in love, we went out of love. we make mistakes, and we grow. but lets bear dis in mind - in every secs and every single moment in life - we hav lessons to learn. every time we experience s'thg; we learn more and more each day. u'd agree wit me - dat dis is the beauty of life. rite? so dun let ur mistakes deprive u of experiencing more. i remember telling the students all the time - its ok to make mistakes. go ahead. live life. never afraid of makin mistakes. for when we do mistakes - we shall learn. and dats the point livin ur life - u gotta live and learn. do more mistakes, and learn. yeah - and learn. trust me - ur no fool. for when u do mistakes and ur learnin - ur aint a fool. unless u keep on doin the same mistakes - again and again, u dun learn a thang - then ur a fool. idiot, enuff said.


do not afraid to take risks. life is too short to spend wit too much caution. s'times - it is sweet to jst throw ur worries to the wind, and let go. do thgs at a whim, once in a blue moon - and enjoy it. for life is too short to think too much about dis and dat. be spontaneous. jst be urself, and take action. trust in urself, and nobdy else. fight for the rite, fight for thgs - if u do hav faith in it - and u'll hav no regret later in life, for at least - u've tried. u've put up a fight for wat u believe in. do somethg u've never done before - do it before its too late - when ur runnin out of time and keep countin thgs u shldve been done. believe in miracle (if u want to) - but never cling on it. u urself IS a miracle, so y hoping for one? stretch ur limits. keep thgs in perspective. but always remember - always remember - to keep ur virtues intact.



dun go throwin question of "wat life is" to me, for i dun hav the answer. i dun find one. or perhaps, i yet to find one. and i think i've stop lookin for it - like a year back. and i dun care if theres one, pun.. yet again - i gez - i knw how it is. and i gez dats the only way u'll be able to experience the fullness of life..






Sunday, September 19, 2010

at random - Ulu Chepor.




























freezin!





yeap. dats wat i did during the lunch time - semlm. drove to Ulu Chepor - aku siap terlajak sampai ke Klebang bagai. lama sgt dah aku tak pi sini - it was like yeaaaaaaaaaaars back. so - semlm.. aku let the others berendam mandi bagai, while aku went around amek2 pics. or - istilah skang.. picit-picit. i mean - picit-picit kamera ye, adek2. heh.


and fcuk me - aku lupa nak bwk tripod. sure ada yg leter aku nanti, 'beli tripod mahal2.. tp tak pakai' kinda thang. sorry la. cheQ tak plan pun. bila time low shutter speed tu - tgn aku terketar2 nak hold still the kamera. kejis, kan? so - hasil nyer pun tak seberapa lah! heh.


hope to do more wit dis, bila2.


mean while - enjoy Ulu Chepor!






a gal? a boi?






one-way-less.






i was doin my boring-routine, surfing the net for news and such - when i stumbled into sort of article in Livescience.com about gender bending.. read the following;



Scientists have long known that some fish are able to switch their sex, either spontaneously or when exposed to steroids. This led them to suspect that a subset of the population of cells in male fish that normally become sperm, called spermatogonia, might be stem cells that have the potential to become either sperm or eggs.




which means dat its jst a matter of time before they r offering these sort of sex changes to humans and dat got me thinkin about the benefits!


imagine bein able to change gender at will. wow. dat'd be grouse. owh, really? ermm.. imagine a trip to the supermarket cld become a mere bagatelle - foot on the accelerator, swear at the other bodoh-nyer drivers, get there quickly. and yeah - change into a gal and blink, and smile at other drivers until u get a real bloody good parking spot ahead of the other line. or perhaps - exactly kat btol2 depan pintu masuk of the mall - so u need not to walk far. like most of us love of doin.. kejis! change back into a bloke, grab a trolley and charge thru the store takin only wat u need. read - only wat u need to buy. not those look like nice-to-buy. back to a female while u stand in line thumbin thru the magazines to catch up on wats happenin in Hollywood. or Bollywood. or Bradwood? reading Mangga. or URTV. yikes! heh.. mana-mana lah. then back again - become a man to pay the groceries and carry em all to the car. drive home via a gal fren's house and select ur gender based on wat u feel like doin there when u get there.. (wow! dis really makes me thinkin.. ermmm.. shait! haha). get home and cook like a gal - make urself a kek batik (err.. ampun!), eat like a man, and sleep like a log. or rock. or baby - if u wanna be a gal then.



shait. not bad aye? how wld *you* use ur newly gained power to gender bend?


heh. can i write more? dammit i had a lot in mind, God sake. haha





wats the story - Sunday?



woke up early today. nothg much - mandi, solat and make myself a big mug of Nescafe - be it la, lama tak pekena Nescafe.. after all - its Sunday and i am gonna stay back at home je ari neh.. thinkin of goin off for a jog soon and a bit of aerobic kat Padang Polo again - today, wit AJ. semlm - i was kinda havin fun - tak ramai org kat Padang Polo - and the aerobic session held by MBI was a real nice one, yeah! high-impact for the whole 1 hr., i was like all over the floor! pancit la jugop. haha.. but the jog - aku managed to finish up.. well, its good enuff for me, let alone when everybody is dealing wit the post-raya syndrome - the malas thang, the fat, the food, the sempret-gu gu kinda thang. but as for me - cukup2 la raya..


aku had like 200 pics take smlm - kat Ulu Chepor. tak mandi pun semlm - aku let the minimons did their thang, while aku when around snapped pics. still tryin to manipulate the slow shutter kinda thang - and fcuk me - aku lupa nak bwk tripod. heh!


its 6.30am, think i gotta run. 7am nak kuar dah. see u around.


and yeah - hav a blast Sunday, peeps!







Friday, September 17, 2010

..







shahe;


somebdy loves u, woke up wit u, wit a bang and a bug on yr face, it crawled in yr mouth and gav u a taste of the good life u left behind - but i think ur gonna be just fine and ur gonna make it thru dis naggin malaise - it is more than a phase, trust me; it feels like a job - but no boss ever pays u to lay down there n think how u'll die!

and while the tears start to well in ur eyes; trust me there's people out there loves u n ur gonna make it thru one more year alrite - even more to come, all thru the nite. u've got to be sure when u turn out dat lite dat its goin to turn on again..

u gonna make dis thru. the nite and the rest of the days. the world is - aint a bad place, afterall.




*sigh*






its Friday.








its Friday. and i am workin. i hope i dun hav to - but i hav no choice since i hav to be one of the two speakers during the CPD dis morning.. done the preparation earlier - i'd be presenting about 'The Art of Listening'. at least dats the thang i am doin and i hope i'd deliver fine. all the juniors still cuti raya, yg ada all the big-shoots je. damn.


i am gonna get thru dis, get it done and leave.






Thursday, September 16, 2010

siaran tertunda, again.





did u see the 'papan-gelongsor' there?
it used to be 'papan', now'papan' no more..
and i used to play there,
a lot too!








done wit makan-makan,
kita pi Zoo Taiping plak!!








the sun..







drive str8, u'll reach the Zoo Taiping.
sebut je Taiping, teringat Zoo..

kejis kan?








S|E|P|I















Taman Tasik, Taiping.





some r edited, some r not. and dats y some of the above u cld see theres borders watever not, and others - argkh, i think angin malas aku is so unpredictable.


the above pics r taken on last Tuesday - 14092010; went down to Taiping wit mak teman her looking out for cermin dinding - she always wanted to go to Pusat Kraftangan Penjara Taiping, yet she din get the chance - so aku took sometime bringing her around, and it was an honored to see her happy, getting wat she wanted, all dis while. otw back - aku singgah jap Taman Tasik, and lucky enuff i did bring the camera along - and above were some of the pics aku sempat amek.. the rest of em - aku dah uploaded in my FB. since its still raya back then - aku frustrated since hajat aku nak pekena Cendol Rahmaniah yg popular kat Taiping tu, tutup. aiyooo.. mamak pun over lah cuti lbey2. heh.


i am done doin thgs at home today. aku dah settled kan longgok debris/batu/saki-baki simen rumah kat ruang tepi rumah aku neh.. 5 - 6 kali aku pusing naik moto pi buang all those batu/simen.. done cuci bilik2 air aku, kemas rumah pe patot.. yet bilik bwh tu - tak jugak berkemas2.. kemas sket la.. tp buku byk sgt aku tatau nak letak mana. done wit all those - aku dah penat. thinkin of doin more - but by 1pm - aku dah start thinkin of lunch, mandi, solat and tido!


havin sort of headache still. malas. semlm aku tak bley tdo pun - i did some readin instead kat bawah.. managed to settled off quite a number of magazines yg tak terbaca-baca, w'pun dah backdated; Reader Digests, Digital Camera, Nat Geo., Mens Health and few more.


its Happy Malaysia Day. and the most important thg - its a holiday. damn i wish i cld hav more days like dis.. erm, Malaysian and all those Public Holidays. we r darn lucky aye?


heh.








..















lost touch with my soul
i had no where to turn
i had no where to go
lost sight of my dream
thought it would be the end of me
i thought i’d never make it through
i had no hope to hold on to
i thought i would break



found hope in my heart,
i found the light to life
my way out the dark
found all that I need
here inside of me
i thought i’d never find my way
i thought i’d never lift that weight
i thought i would break



there were so many times i
wondered how i’d get through the night i
thought took all i could take



i didn’t know my own strength
and i crashed down, and i tumbled
but i did not crumble
i got through all the pain
i didn’t know my own strength
wishing i'd survive my darkest hour
wishing my faith kept me alive
hoping i'd pick myself back up
hold my head up high
i was not built to break
i didn’t know my own strength




Wednesday, September 15, 2010

chiao.







i am leaving the office now - after done wit a breakie dgn Fazly. bet since nobody is around - he insisted me to tag along for a chapati kedai bawah pokok. apparently he needs someone to talk to - regarding office politicking - which i believe, i dun really do the listening pun. jst dat he's fun, nice kinda man - and i do it, for i hav to do it.


its raining still. and i hate to drag myself, doin thgs which i hate of doin. which i dun hav the heart in doin. but i've made a pack - i gotta be less complaining about whole shait.



at time like dis - i jst hope i cld be invisible. i cld be jst break-away from thgs. i cld jst go off for a break - somewhere - jst like coupla frens of mine; leavin for places real soon.


driving alone. raining. hatred in me. sucha perfect combo.


damn i believe i've left my heart, my brain and even my soul back, at mak's.







raya no-more.






reached home around 10pm last nite - kinda tired alrite. its been heavily downpour all the way and the highway was kinda pack as well. parked my car, clear up thgs out of the car - aku terus terbaring in the sofa wit Coldplay playing on the stereo. sedar2 dah 2am in the morn - crawled upstairs, jumped into the boxer, head for the MumuLand - but unfortunately, i cant, anymore. theres thgs i dun wanna think off - keep bothering my head. and i kinda hate it.


---


in the office now. as expected - not many around - except Ramesh and Mr Bong. and its almost 8. i gotta leave soon - up north as usual. its a place i hate of goin, but i was left wit no choice. its sthg i really hav to think of - but i yet to think of, any. and if i am up to dis, i mght as well gotta take a bit of long days-off, perhaps. i dun know.


---


its rainin. damn i wish i am at home, instead. and i gotta drive soon.


shait.




Monday, September 13, 2010

siaran tertunda - plygrnd!



haziq, sarah, hasif and damia/sarah..







minimons at random,
pak cik and the kids,
pak long and the others..








closed-ups - Hazwan aka acik, kakak aka Areeyna
Sarah and Kimie aka angah.







nak join?







yayyy!






nah. dis aint today. ni siaran tertunda - it was petang semlm.. when aku and abg cik (pak cik budak2 neh) terpaksa heret all the minimons pi playground - for dats where they wanted to go.. and for bringing em all there will put mak, angah and other esp abah at peace sekejap.. haha


we had fun there - tho aku and cik had kinda tuff time nak kepung budak2 neh yg lari bertempiaran mcm kena kejar antu raya.. most of the time - cik dok kalut dgn Sarah dia je, leavin me and Areeyna terpaksa tgk2kan all other minimons. tp aku syok tgk budak2 neh let loose - lari ere and there like nobdy biz. nak je aku join sama.. heh.


---


aku cancel off sumer plan esok ari - i jst wanna stay back home. its b'coz 'kawan' si Soleh adik aku yg bongsu ni nak dtg.. yeah - dis is aint ordinary 'kawan' - its a gla.. special one! wah!! ampeh aku langsung tak di beritahu pe2.. mak plak yg cerita kat aku.. time aku 'soal siasat', Soleh sengih2 jer.. kejis ko Soleh! dah tgk gambar - wah, chanteks!


---


cik and family dah balik. angah and family pun dah balik.. dat means all the minimons r not in, anymore.


damn i feel so senyap sunyi la pulak.. :-(