Saturday, December 11, 2010

define me!

i dun knw about u - but i easily define other ppl. no - not defining in the sense of judging. hell shait - dat is so wrong. i know, u knw dat as well. but dis is s'thg i both like and dislike equally - because apparently, defining ppl categorizes ppl in a "box". i find it very difficult to define myself tho. and i am goin to try, definitely. crazy aye?

as i go on wit the journey of life - i am pretty sure i knw myself, well. if its not really, slightly - i think. stop making faces - for i knw ur havin the same issue hell yeah. do u really knw urself? wat if someone ask u to define urself in 3 or 5 words, can u do dat in a sec? ask urself. as for me - i was someone who always quit when the goin got rough.i pushed my way thru, dis time.. for majority of it. i find dat i am floating and fighting.. yet i so freakin distracted. i dun wanna let go of the view i hav for myself, i want to push forward and achieve wat i never hav been able to. i wanna be wat i wanna, and i wanna make sure its good. i wanna feel happy doin thgs i wanna do, do sometimes - i aint really sure - wats left to do?

i knw how i want to be, and i am workin towards dat. time is runnin out - i'll never hav em back God sake. i dun think i will ever be the person who enjoys runnin around in life - for i am always clumsy and afraid of hurting myself. let alone to hurt someone else.pathetic, i knw. i wanna be strong and able. honest and trustworthy. i wanna be able to stand tall then i think of my achievements, and fix the mistakes i've made in my whole fcukin life. or at least - own up to em and pay the price, if need be.

can u define me? can u? maybe i need to see me as others see me. i knw my own self-definition is important, but in my experience - when i tell ppl how i see em - they r always amazed. they r always do! when i tell someone how strong and amazing i think they r, they seem to be in awe. i think it has to do wit context. for me defining myself - i see strong moments, but i also see the weak moments when i felt crushed.. dat warps my definition to the point dat i cant see it in perspective.

wow. and i came ere wit a fairly simple post. the definition of me is s'thg i think i need more time to define. next time when someone ask me to define myself in 3 - 5 words.. i think dats goin to be a focus for the next lil while.