by 5.30pm - aku alrdy out of the office, i cant stand the idea of stayin back any more - tho theres still a lot to do - i had a meeting to run trow, and i still hav coupla thgs pending to be done before the registration. and aku cldnt think of the idea headin for the gym, or a jog - tho initially; dat was the plan. i jst wanna hit home, stand under the shower, get change, and jst do wat i wanna do. mak, Soleh, angah and all her minimons r in since lunch time lagik - i started to imagine good food, good time indeed.
and it is. a plain sardin masak merah wit a lot of ubi kentang, a plain jokes, silly-ness and chit-chatting wit the minimons - distracted me well. i hav kinda good laugh - tho mak keep on askin 'kenapa ni..' and such. damn - a mother instinct. sometimes can be scary shait, hell yeah.
at the back of my head - the whole thg in my head keep runnin, like a machine swirling around, all over places. i cant jst pinpoint into one thang - theres so many things, God sake. i keep on thinking how bad it was for me - at same time, same date - last yr, for me. how deep shait and how bad i hav to brace myself thru the difficult time - at dat particular time. and dis time around - same time, same date.
its ok. one thg for sure - i gotta be strong myself, to keep ppl around me, strong as they can be. i need to keep aside all dis bulshait in me - for at time being; it aint dat matter dat much - for there r ppl around me, dat i really put some assurance on.
i keep on berdoa, hoping thgs will be jst fine. hoping thgs will be jst the way it used to be. i knw thgs goin to be hard after dis, it aint gonna be the same.. but its ok. as long as i dun go losing thg dat i hav in hand, now.
God knws, i wont let it slip away.
not dis time.
damn, i feel like feverish. gnite.