or not to write?
erm, some ppl asked me - why do i write? where do i get all the thgs and put em into words? how do i put thgs into words? i gez i never tell u why. and how. innit?
well i debated startin a blog long, long before i even actually did. i put it off for so long of fear of rejection - wld anyone read it? wld anyone care? i aint a good writer. i remember followin coupla blogs (such as Hazman's Tukang Taip and few more) and adore em so much. i remember askin myself, how do they do dis? wheres the idea comes from? no doubt - i love to read. and i love to write as well - personal journals, i mean. or diary. i started to hav my own journal while i was 13yrs old - nothg in there pun, a bit of wat i did for the whole day when, then i started to write how i feel and such. being me - i know myself pretty well i gez - i hardly expressed my feelin well enuff, and i am pretty skeptical whom shall i talk to then.. so i write. i started wit eKawan - i wrote a lot there.. for those who read mine over there, u knw wat i mean - damn i miss the one dat i had over there; but dats it. for some reasons - i quited eKawan, and join Blogger. nah - lets quit the Sejarah - u knw i hate it as well.. (ouch!). there - in eKawan, finally aku decided to take the plunge and start writing, anonymously. i felt i needed an outlet for me - dats the fact. even if no one else ever read it - be it - i knew i needed to do dis, for me.
some ppl rite about beautiful thgs - foods, trips and such. some ppl write about gossips et al. but for me - i need to write to xpress all the tots in me, the feelings i keep bottled up inside. and i need it to be personalized, to be me myslf and nobdy else. i listen a lot to all kinda problems - day in and day out, yet its hard for me to come across someone who can really jst listen to u - no pre-judgmental, no decision, no now-u-listen-to-me kinda thang, no nothg. and i found blogging is the only way out - i soothe me a lot, indeed. to shout out frustrations to the net when someone says s'thg intended to be helpful, yet it makes u want to either scream or cry. and may be even shout to other who understand, to feel not so alone. and i learn a lot as well - i hardly really write in when thgs really goes too personal - gez its not gonna help. i gez ppl need not to really know u. i dun know - i prefer it to be dat way. a plain-man-on-the-street, i gez nthg to much ado of, after all.
i write to remember. to remember these days, ppl who i loves, my tots and frustrations. my joy and such. to remember the time dat is passing way too fast dat i feel like its slippin thru my fingers.
i write to connect. wit those who knw wat i am goin thru. and those who wanna knw wat i am goin thru - as if. to find ppl in cyberspace who may understand me and identify wit me more than some ppl in my 'real life'. to connect wit those who can let me knw dat despite the illusions out there, there r no 'perfect' men out there.
and now u knw.