Tuesday, August 31, 2010
instead off to the gym smlm, aku made a small de-tour; aku terbeli lagik sepasang baju melayu instead. heh. as tahun lepas jugak la neh.. so sepsg warna hijau, another one is.. erk, i think its brownish, sekejap nampak warna brown sekejap nampak mcm warna merah bata mcm tu.. aku like the kain pretty much - aku aku angkat je. bala nyer skang - butang and sampin. heh. nanti la aku cari.. long way to go.
its a Merdeka Day. rata2 org sibuk pasang bendera, wishing u Selamat Hari Merdeka and such. tak caya pi la tgk kat FaceBook sana. it was like - whoaaaaaaaaa.. tho sometime the wishes nampak mcm so damn plastic, superficial and kelakar - since today is a Merdeka Day, everybdy wants to be a part of it as well. so be it.
but then - do we know wat does it means by 'merdeka'? dats sacred word aku rasa nowadays dah massively salah guna by all of us. and we 'trained' all the youngsters to understand dat 'merdeka' means jst a plain 'bebas dari jajahan kolonial'. 'bebas dari jajahan kolonial'? betol ke? heh. merdeka kah kita?
i hate to think of dis, really. as for me - merdeka is jst another off-day. its a public holiday for me. nothg much. i love it for its an off-day. but dun get me wrong. and dun even think of callin me tak patriotic. but look around us. wat the heck is goin on? pembangunan ok, but it was solely physical dat we forget regarding pembangunan sahsiah.. or pembangunan secara holistic. seawal Tingkat 1 or 2 dah pandai buat onar kat skol. kes mengandung kat skol skang dah jadik benda biasa. buang anak mcm buang Drypers. rempit sana sini.. jst to name a few. merdeka, aye?
forget it. i am sorry. i am kinda sad for the whole shait. its jst a plain empty screamin of 'merdeka' for coupla times. merdeka is bunga api show. merdeka is terkinja2 mcm beruk dpt belacan. and tersadai kereta sana sini - cukup 9 bulan jumpak anak tepi2 jalan.. argkhhh..
but then - i am proud as Malaysian. aku love my country yeah. cuma pengisian tak kena regarding dis merdeka thang. u dun hav to agree wit me - for i dun giv it a damn shait.
Selamat Menyambut Hari Merdeka, yeah! *yawn*
Monday, August 30, 2010
gnite. damn i cant wait for trow..
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
i am not sure wats wrong wit me today. or tonite. i keep on havin one thang in my mind - and its kinda botherin me. no - not dat kinda botherin dat u want it to get the hell away from u. its kinda feelin - buggin u, botherin u in a sweet way - u knw how it is, when ur missin someone, so badly; and it starts to hurt urself.
i knw dis aint rite. restrictions. the dis and dat. i dun know - but i cant help myself to struggle wit dis kinda feelin in me - damn it really hurts me, alrite.
trow another day dat i've to go thru - i somehow; crazily waiting form Monday. call me idiot - but if i hav to be one, and wld be able to deal wit dis thang in me - it'd rather be an idiot.
think i shld hit the sack, havin dis feelin buggin me to sleep then. i wish i cld hav the power to manipulate words - make em all in lines; so i cld tell how it feels. i wish i cld hav the guts to jst tell tale rite on - jst like dat - but life wldnt be dat easy. the restrictions, again. the dis and dat.
gnite. and sleep tite.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
crashed early last nite - after i found it to be useless of stayin at the back of ur reading desk, tryin hard to comprehend coupla thgs yet they din strike rite thru. its kinda hot, and wit thgs marchin in my head, i hardly sleep for God sake. its kinda sad when ur mentally, physically tired and u need a lil time to lay down - ur there, yet ur mind refused to stay cool. by 2am - aku dah bangun, wondering wat to do.
supposedly i am havin 4hrs or teaching today, perhaps - i'll make it 2. by 10am, i gotta run for ISC. u know how i hate doin dis - i jst hav to be there for i am left wit no choice. of course - i do have choices to choose - i dun hav to go, if i want to. but dat wld make me another bulshait. loser.
i jst need some kinda good, sweet word at time bein. its ok if it wldnt sound rite pun - for i really need some. the 'its ok, thgs gonna be ok', 'ur gonna be alrite' kinda thg. i dun know. i really do hope thgs wld be ok - tho i knw nthg left to cling on, pun.
u hav a great mid-day of the week then, ya.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
but words - they r disaster when wrongly-interpret. words can make u ppl hate one another. words can tear ppl apart.
words, they can too, make u feel sad. regret.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
finally - i am done. for a Sunday. no. not really done yet. i mean - i am done wit the minimonsters! they r off balik Bagan Serai and kak ngah ask me to berbuka di rumah dia plak petang nanti. well, dats wat i am gonna do then!
lepas sahur - damn, byk mkn pagik tadi.. since mak masak! - aku terlelap jap, after Subuh. around 8am, while aku still merayau2 in my MuMuLand, dah ada yg berketuk2 pintu bilik aku.. mcm nak runtuh! aku tau.. kalo aku tak kunci - all the gerombolan will go in and make me get the hell outta bed.. tp kalo aku kunci - mcm ni la. siap jerit2 panggil aku, sambil bergendang pintu bilik aku tu. kerjis tak? let me answer it - it is! heh. kali ni dorang sibuk jerit2 suruh aku fix the minipool so dat dorang bley ber-bubblin. huwaaaa..
but the - aku make a deal. minimons kena tolong pak long cuci bilik2 air pak long dulu, and pak long wit fix the minipool and teman mandi bubble. so they did. errmmm - dun think they really do pun. berkenjah bilik air aku smpai ke bilik basah nyer.. last2 aku perambat sekor2 turun bawah.. and aku kena finish up all the deal - on my own. again - kerjis!
done wit dat - aku turun bawah tgk dorg dah mandi2 kat porch kete.. siap ber-bubble bagai; kak ngah teman. aku pun siram pokok2, siram dorang jugak until dorang suka-suki hati and forget the needs for me to fix the minipool. yes! malas aku.
around 11am - kak ngah and family and mak as well, balik Bagan Serai. tinggal la aku ngemas rumah yg basically mcm kena landa dek garuda. ada roti bwh sofa, ada mug plastik dlm bilik air bwh etc. haiyoo.. penat. but then, ok jugak. aku kemas the whole house, and walaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. done kerja aku yg dok tertunggak for quite sometime.
peh Zohor, aku nak shoot pi Bagan Serai. rumah kak ngah. berbuka puasa di sana..
Saturday, August 21, 2010
missed my sahur today. Ted called around 1am, askin me if i am or not wld like to join em - Azro and Wildan to Uptown for an early sahur - i was in the MumuLand and i said no. and dammit - now rasa nyesal la plak.. i had my late supper kat kedai mamak, bawak semlm wit Ghaz, but unfortunately it was sad to say tandoori nyer kinda tasteless, and aku perabih tea-o ais aku je.. argkhhh..
woke up at 7.30am, and dah tak bley smbung tido. think i shld be packing since jap lagik dah nak check out..
Friday, August 20, 2010
u can be urself, all motivated and ready to take action when suddenly some negative person tells u dat u aint gonna do it rite - dat ur just goin to fail and nthg is gonna come of it. hows dat makes u feel?
wow. talk about depressing. negative ppl can destroy our beliefs in ourselves God sake and take away the motivation dat so many struggle to get in the first place.
the truth is - u hate it or not - negativity kills motivation.. unless u stop it. and dammit - its easier than u mght think.
the first thg u need to do is - i think - identify and avoid the negative influences in ur life. well - u dun hav to cut off all ties wit anyone whos negative. i knw sometimes ur family and frens can be negative for watever reason - even simply b'coz they r jealous of u. dat doesnt mean u shld avoid em - they r ur family. it jst means u shld either talk em and get em to support u, understand u. or u shld spend less time wit em.
if there r negative influences dat u arent close to, jst cut em out of ur life.. wow, i knw. it may seem harsh - i hardly do it as well - but jst b'coz they dun want to get anywhere in life doesnt mean they shldnt try to keep u from gettin anywhere in life, rite? its kinda easy to say, but hard to put it for real - but i learn a thg or two, and i do believe it is, yeah.
the scond thg u need to do is surround urself wit positive influences. ppl who will support and encourage u. wit no condition at all. ppl who r willing to help u and actually want u to succeed. may be u can spend as much time wit these ppl, as possible. u'll be amazed at how much more motivation u automatically hav from spending time wit these kinda ppl who r there to help u and support u - rather than bring u down.
well, of course - dis doesnt jst apply to ur frens and fmly dat u see in person. dis includes ppl u talk on the phone, the blogs u read and more.
and u knw wat? i also believe in dis - as well. if ppl r constantly posting negative stuff on FB - remove em from ur frens list! hehe.. too good to be true, i knw. but it is true anyway! unless u wanna keep ur fren-list as many as the total of population of ppl there in South Africa.. then go ahead. the fact is - most ppl hav so many frens they probably wont even notice anyways! talk about quality vs quantity. again - its ur call. i aint gonna ask u to a thang.
even the news is a huge source of negativity! did u knw dat negativity is actually a criteria for determining whether or not somethg is considered newsworthy? heh. tell me about it. but it is true! ppl like to hear negative thgs. ppl like to watch negative thgs as well. dats y the majority of the time - the front page of the newspaper is someone getting killed or some kinda disaster occurring, scandals et al. the hurricanes. the crime. the buang anak thang. corrupt politics. but the fact is - negativity sells. so dats wat they put on the news. yeah - i knw u may like to keep up wit wats happening around u - but watching the news affects u negatively.
no. i hardly read newspapers. i do - when i do the balik kampung thingy. i dun really watch news as well, but the important stuff i hear about from the word of mouth. i dun feel like i'm missin out, at all - for it may take some initial work to remove the negativity from ur life and it'll be a bit of adjustment, but trust me - its definitely worth it.
so - start today seeing how u can remove negativity from ur life and replace it wit positivity. start changing the way u think and where u spend time. become a positive person and spend majority of ur time around positive ppl.
i am writing dis - doesnt mean dat i am good at it. i write dis for i think i do wanna share coupla thgs in mind - for the good sake out of it. it is so much easier to motivate urself when u feel good about urself, trust me. and about others too. and they will definitely will feel good about u too..
see it for urself! and u knw wat i am tryin to say then.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
kinda lazy to wake up, knowin dat i am not workin today. beg belum packing - so dats wat i am gonna do, soon. i aint gonna take banyak barang pun - i am goin to be away from house like up till Saturday je pun. then again - knowing myself.. heh, i mght ended up bwk beg besar jugak nanti. argkh.. benci.
pagi2 lagik ofc call. aku tak angkat. then number Mr Bong appeared on the screen. i was like, shait! shld i or not pick dis one up? tak tau ke aku cuti ari ni esok? second time he called - aku angkat.. wit the reason, 'sorry - i was in the washroom' as usual. gez wat? he's askin me about the question, again. duuhhhh! he was not around semlm - so aku submit tros je kat SUP. so - aku asked him to go and see Mr Zul la, and off aku out of the conversation. pantang bg aku - to talk regarding kerja-matters while my head is alrdy away from the ofc. hehe
gotta run. nak pack barang. nak mandi2 since my 'flight' at 9am. bley?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Aku tak faham la. Its easy - a bit of respect. And a bit of effort. Finally, one of the nurse flush the line, and the drips back on track. She stops crying. But for me, its a sad thang seein the baby finally falls asleep of tiredness - she's been crying since 10am dis morning. Of coz, i can do it myslf. But i dun thk i'd go doin dat and make ppl 'tak selesa' God sake.. Damia, get well real soon, yea. I cant stand seein u like dis.
I wish i cld tell, how it is inside.. Furthermore - kakak Areeyna, angah, acik and Haziq r lackin of a proper team-mate to do the shuffle thang - all day long!
i gez in writing - procrastination is the enemy. procrastination is like leavin the headlites on in a parked car - its a slow drain on yr mental battery. the longer the lites r on, the harder it is to get the engine started. by continually avoidin doin s'thg u knw u need to do - prcrastination sucks the energy out of u. dis is doubly true for a task like writing. the longer u procrastinate writing thgs u wanna write, the harder it becomes to start. however, even if u putt off a task for weeks or months - its never too late to start - at least, dats wat i believe. starting isnt easy - but its doable. and the best part is - once u start, u'll usually find the difficulty u imagined is usually worse than the actual work involved.
i aint good in givin advice, i knw it is. but i wanna share wit u a thang or two - regarding ways to stop procrastinating and start writing.. bley? but since we need to get dat car runnin as soon as possible - lets look at some ways to jumpstart dat dead car (wah!!).. heh. i know. i never share dis kinda thang - but i want to, today.
- organize ur ideas - staring at a blank screen wit no support materials or mental notes is like building a house w/o a blueprint - the end result will be a mess and it cld kill s'one! instead of starting from zero - make a plain mind map. plainly choose the best ideas, and organize em into an outline.. do all dis before u begin drafting. mentally drafting - dats wat i do.
- freewrite - damn i love doin dis. i'd love to forget about logical flow for a minute. i think, ppl often procrastinate when they r unclear about some aspect of their task. when u freewrite - u hav a chance to address those missin details and develop a deeper understandin of the piece u wanna create. make sense, eh?
- set a dateline - deadlines equal to a bit of stress. as for me - a good stress dat is. deadline add a sense of urgency to ur writing task, givin u a clear compellin reason to finish a piece. w/o adrenaline - its easy to ignore a piece, especially when ur writin only for urself.
- set mini-goals - witin a 5K word piece - u'll probably require several hrs of work, and dat is a damn big job. so - break dis job up! work in blocks of 500 words or 30 minutes.. senang!
- eliminate distractions - work in a quite space. damn i am so believe in dis. u mght want to turn off ur cellphone and if possible - ur internet connection wit ur FB on! haha.. escape from ppl who demand ur attention. each distraction pulls ur focus away from the task at had. for me - it depends. sometimes - a plain songs will bring me some plain mood as well, and dat helps me in writing.
- force it! - ppl usually mythologize the creation process. they expect some idiot, magical power to enter em and imbue em wit and unstoppable pen. in reality - the most creative ppl force emself to write every day, whether they feel inspired or not. the prefect time - is now. not tomorrow. not next week. or next year.. its TODAY.
- dun worry about gettin it rite.. jst get it down! - first drfats usually suck. dats y second, third ad eighth drafts exist! aim for excellent results, but dun set the bar too high at first. i believe dat havin a sloppy but finished first draft is far better than havin no draft at all.. aye?
lest face it - we all procrastinate.. in one or another way. especially when it comes to writing. if u love writing - u know wat i am tryin to say. a lil procrastination is normal, but by using some of these steps - we can redirect the high beams of out mental energies onto out own work.
so - start ur engines! hehe
bunga raya abah.. dis lalat was so damn
sporting - aku amek byk shots, tp dia buat selamba je..
dia siap tepok tampar all nyamok
aku 'kumpul' atas daun..
the name of the masterpiece -
best je aku tgk dia landing.. jeles!
lepas sahur - aku golek2 jap waiting for Subuh. done wit Subuh - aku terus smbung my MuMu-mode; aku was kinda sleepy since semlm aku din really get the chance to sleep pun - i mean, i hardly sleep. tensen je aku dgr minimonsters neh berdengkor dlm pelbagai kaedah and bunyi. but then - alhamdulillah; aku dpt jugak lelap post-Subuh.. but around 9am aku dah terjaga since angah dah started banging on the door.. heh.
nothg to do - aku go around the house wit the camera in my hand. aku blank - not knowing apa lagik left to shoot. erm - aku come across one lalat yg green in color (lalat taik eh?) tu at pokok bunga raya abah - heh, so damn sporting aku snapped coupla pics, selamba je dia buat tak tau.. since angah and acik dok ikut aku - rimas la. one thg wit acik - dia suka sabotaj aku time amek pic.. goyang pokok, it he knows aku amek dat object.. buat bising etc. geram aku! no matter how many time aku smack down dia - mcm tu jugak! heh. angah je sporting.
nak siap2. nak pi tgk Damia.. i hope she's doin ok now. managed to talk to her on the phone - damn i am glad!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
its nice to be back in ere. wit all the familiar faces around, of course. bein able to iftar wit the whole family - and bersahur trow early morn.
but sometimes - thgs happen. and we never even think of it - i bet dis is kinda 'ujian' from Allah Taala. i hope trow wld be better. and trow will brings more good news, insyaAllah.
Damia - be strong. ur gonna be jst fine.
tiada lagi shuffle sesuka-suki.
Owh, i loike! And aku rasa for the first time - tenang gila babs, since no minimons yg ber-Waka Waka tak tentu hala, smack down sesama sendiri and shuffle atas katil aku time aku mengantok giler. Heh. Nanti aku nak rekemen dorg neh smbung poser mlm ari plak. Aman donia!
leaving home now - its minimonster-ing time! i cat wait. gonna take the road, slow and steady. bet kampung aku tak lari ke mana pun. called abah - told him dat aku'll be back by noon insyaAllah. kak ngah and the minimons will be in jap lagik. and Soleh pun dah smpai semlm lagik! yayy!!
mak goin to cook bubur nasik - my fav. wit smbal ikan bilis. omg.
Friday, August 13, 2010
money plant a.k.a Devils Ivy..
no no.. wait a minute. y on earth wld i murder u? u know how many times i've cut a bit of u and plant em in other small pots and wallaaaa.. they off being a superb creatures! is it twice? erk, no? owh, its been more than dat aye? it has - ur just bein ridiculous. yes, i know its a healthy trend to put more plants indoors, nowadays. and i find out keepin u r damn much easier than anythg in the world, yeah. no, dun say dat! i am not comfortable wit dat.. it wld be jst weird.
dats y.. dun do dat - c'mon.. look. i'll 'siram' u now, eh? wat? 'mandikan' u? darn! i know! i'll water u rite now.. watdya mean 'too lil, too late?', over larrr.. ur not even dyin yet! ur one good plant, i'll been keepin u for yrs now. u never grumbled dat much.. but wats wrong wit u tnite? i do appreciate u. no, dats not true - i am not leavin anythg, anybody at all - life was not better when it was jst the two of u.. we r together, and dats the way its gonna be - and u'll jst hav to get used to it.
fine - be dat way.. yes, i am watering u. and dun u try to fight it.. water is water, whether u want to call dis an empty gesture or not.. u know, if u do dat again.. dats it. i am leaving. and i am gonna put u out there under the bright sun! dats it. i'm leaving. darn i'm sorry we even had dis kinda conversation.. fine!''
"The fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia, frigga, meaning "Friday" and triskaidekaphobia, or paraskevidekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (Παρασκευή, meaning "Friday"), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς, meaning "thirteen"), attached to phobía (φοβία, from phóbos, φόβος, meaning "fear"). The word was derived in 1911 and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friday_the_13th
yeah - u know it alrite - its Friday the 13th. i dun really realize it - for me the date is jst another number - until someone sent me a msg regarding it and how 'its kinda creepy, aye?' kinda thang.
well i am not bein superstitious or anythg at all, but i tot i'd jot sthg since it IS the only month dis yr wit dat has its 13th day fall on a Fry-day. or - Friday dat it.
wat is it about Friday the 13th anyway? despite all those creepy blood splashin ere and there kinda movies u mght get pertaining to the date? some say its the most widespread and world's most popular superstition. its basically considered to be a day of bad luck. ask me why and how - well, i dun hav the answer for dat God sake. and i never really looked into the origin of dis day before, or where it got its superstition.
if its in Christian world - 13 is a significant number. the number of ppl presence in the Last Supper, Judas was the 13th person to arrive and such. i cant remember the details, but i've read it somewhere.
basically the number 13 has been considered an unlucky number by most of ppl. the fear manifests itself in various forms today - i think. building shldnt hav 13 floors, some ppl refuse to drive or even go out on dis particular date. and to make it worst - Hollywood comes out wit owh-so-many movies showing how bad is dis date cld be.. and some r so damn bloody funny. and doesnt make sense pun. frankly i dun know - its subjective anyway. i cld say its superstitious, and u may not agree wit me. so be it.
i dun really believe in superstitious. be it watever it is. and i only knew dis 13th thang when i grow up - and it has been around for ages. ppl I don’t really believe in the superstition myself, but it has been around for a long time. far as i concern - ppl has been sayin dat Friday the 13th is an unlucky day. i gez some ppl who experienced bad luck during dis day, will most probably be more wary of it compared to those who havent really giv it a damn tot to it.
but wat ever it is - i think its safe dat to say dat we shld je be careful at all times - be it Friday the 13th, or not. furthermore - its the 13 minus 10 for me = the 3rd Ramadhan of the month! hehe
Thursday, August 12, 2010
aku balik awal today. dr aku terus duduk office and get my OCD a bit more severe (dat is Obsessive Computer Disorder, eh.. bukan Obsessive Compulsive!), better off aku balik rumah je.. and - erk, work from home. bley? today is so like menguji keimanan dan kesabaran aku - for it is so damn bloody, freakin hot hell yeah. panas terik.. kering kulit2 weh! rasa nak berlari2 anak masuk ke dapur, bukak pintu fridge and bertinggung in front of it.. bukan apa - nak wap sejuk tu je.. jst like waktu kechik2 dulu. haha
aku dah siap iron baju melayu for tonite. malas la weyyy.. tp - better of la one shot. pi je lah. aku tgk tentative mcm penuh je smpai done wit solat terawih.. ermm..
aku teringin nak minum air tebu. or air kelapa. gotta go out and hunt for it. either one. or both.